


The Chase

by invaderb0t (floralb0t)



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), College AU, Dib is 19 at start, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Gaz & Zim Friendship (Invader Zim), Gaz is a good sister and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, T for Foul Language, Tags will update as we go, Updates once weekly, ZaDr, ZaGf, and some "oh no the bad people i adore are actually using me" realizations, but only if you count half assed rivals to be enemies, but other than that this is an angst free zone, romance doesnt start till like 21 at least, seriously can't believe i forgot that tag for so long, this is an angst free zone, we dont ship babies here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2020-10-30 00:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 52,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20805551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floralb0t/pseuds/invaderb0t
Summary: He looked at the little thing, wiggling around in his arms, crying out for attention. Its skin was sunkissed tan, dark hair with a mighty cowlick in the centre, brown eyes. In short, the thing was a perfect clone.That was until the thing wiggled over and Professor Membrane saw the strange squiggles on it’s back. It looked like some sort of writing, maybe a pictogram of sorts. Nothing he recognized. Interesting. This would prove to be a fascinating experiment.Several hundred space sectors away, a creature that was technically, functionally immortal but still generally a child was slammed down on a sparring mat. Were the room any quieter, he would have heard the nervous system on his back start to click in a way it really shouldn’t have. And as soon as it did, if anyone ever bothered to check, a few words in tiny, swirling script appeared right above the PAK. But nobody ever did.





	1. i-iv

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ParaducksSpace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParaducksSpace/gifts).

##  i.

Professor Membrane had studied hundreds of thousands of things. He was constantly studying. In fact, the small creature in his arms right now was going to help him, whether it wanted to or not. It would be a long term study, something that would likely take decades to prove. He looked at the little thing, wiggling around in his arms, crying out for attention. Its skin was the exact same shade of sunkissed tan as his, dark hair already showing signs of having a mighty cowlick in the centre, brown eyes unfocused in a way Membrane was sure indicated the future need for glasses. In short, the thing was a perfect clone.

That was until the thing wiggled over and Professor Membrane saw the strange squiggles on it’s back. It looked like some sort of writing, maybe a pictogram of sorts. Nothing he recognized and Professor Membrane recognized everything. No matter what, it was something the elder man knew for a fact he did not have. Interesting. This would prove to be a fascinating experiment.

Several hundred space sectors away, a creature that was technically, functionally immortal but still generally a child was slammed down on a sparring mat. Were the room any quieter, he would have heard the nervous system on his back start to click in a way it really shouldn’t have. And as soon as it did, if anyone ever bothered to check, a few words in tiny, swirling script appeared right above the PAK. But nobody ever did.

##  ii.

Dib Membrane’s love of all things super- or para-natural either stemmed from a fusing of childhood imagination with his father’s scientific experiments, or the fact that the strange symbols on his back were probably a sort of soulmate mark in a language that was unspoken on earth. He didn't know which answer was true but he certainly knew that his father wasn't a fan of either. It never bothered him that he didn't know what it said or what sort of person would be the ones to say those words. Instead, he let the curiosity fuel him while he tried to become the sort of adult his family could be proud of. 

As any good member of the Membrane family would Dib was studying physics as his (first) major in university. His stellar grades, slowly blossoming social life, and the fact he stopped  _ constantly _ going on about aliens and ghosts and vampire bees kept his family from asking too many questions (He still brought them up occasionally, but only to Gaz, and only in private). He still didn't get along with his father too much, but at least dinner was more civil and Professor Membrane was willing to come to the occasional ceremony honouring his son. 

Instead of a minor, Dib had elected to do a double major, except that the second major was a fun program he found called “Modern Languages and Cultural Studies Major” which let you pick two different languages to take to the senior level. He had some ideas on what he wanted to focus on, but Dib did take advantage of this as a chance to take introductory courses for as many as he could. If anyone asked, he would say it was so he could better speak to the many people Membrane Labs was trying to protect. In reality, though, it started as a way to confirm no modern person spoke is soulmate’s language. He learned more than his fair share of the earth’s tongues and could stumble his way through a handful more if the conversations were kept simple. It only proved that his words were not anything current. And then he delved into linguistic history, idly daydreaming of perhaps time travel involving his lover’s meeting. He studied anything that had a solid alphabet for long enough to exclude it and then moved on. When even those options were exhausted, Dib did the nerdiest thing he could think of and learned a bunch of fictional languages and their alphabets just to exclude them too. 

While it proved that there was something extra interesting going on with Dib’s markings, his family did their best to ignore the implications. Professor Membrane himself had no soulmate marks, and Gaz had one, platonic pink, across her knuckles. It said “Hi, baby!” and was a perfect match to the “plllffffbgb” that was on Dib’s knuckles. Since Professor Membrane had none of his own, he was perfectly happy to not care about them and focus his science elsewhere. Gaz too just didn’t give a shit. The only thing she cared about was just how funny it was when she punched Dib with the soulmate knuckles. And while she had been with him enough to know Dib was right about at least 60% of the things he obsessed over, she didn’t give a shit about that either.

So when Dib called her, a weekend while in his first year of uni, asking if she could meet at their childhood home instead of at his dorm or on campus, she responded with an “ugh I guess.” Gaz got home only about 20 minutes after he did which was just long enough for him to set up. She walked into the house to find a map taped up on the wall in their living room. There was coloured yarn attached to pins, some blurry photos, and her idiot brother looking at his display with a maniacal grin.

“Okay, what the hell is this?” She has to get right up next to it to see that it was a map of his university campus. 

He leaned up against the map and lovingly stroked a yarn connecter. “My progress… I’ve come up with a lead.”

“Oh ew, don’t say it like that.” Gaz jumped over the back of the couch and slumped into her usual seat. “You still stalking kids you think might be supernatural?”

Dib nearly flung himself off the wall in shock. “Absolutely not! What do you take me for, Gaz?” He shook his head and jumped onto the couch beside her. “I’ve been watching for signs, and I’ve finally found them.”

Oh god. “Them?” She didn’t even want to know, but she had to ask. Had to see this trainwreck herself. “Who is ‘them’?”

Her brother had the decency to look bashful for half a moment. “I’m … not sure yet, Gaz. But I know there is something. I’ve seen all the signs, checked and rechecked my calculations. Something is  _ up _ Gaz, and I need your help.” Dib gestured around the map.

She pulled out her phone to send a text to… well to nobody at the moment, but Gaz didn’t want her brother to know she was mildly interested. It was the first week of October and this would be a welcome distraction from her high school senior blues. As soon she had opened her phone and tapped it a little, she closed it again and glanced at the map. Dib’s weird little pictures didn’t  _ look _ like they were of people, but they were too blurry to make out from this distance. “What calculations have you done?”

Dib leapt off the couch and pointed to a pin beside what Gaz thought was the Engineering Quad. “There have been instances of fluctuations in the magnetic field near the Interdisciplinary Sciences building.” He gestured to another near what might have been the artist’s studios. “Increased amounts of negative energy near here, for no reason.” Dib tapped the North Library Pin. “Gravity has been doing some bunk ass shit here, I’ve been trying to keep track of all the fluctuations but there have been too many to count.”

“So what do you think it is?” Gaz pulled her phone out again, this time opening a game and making sure he could see it. “You know better than to bother me with nonsense, Dib.”

He laughed a little and toyed with one of the strings that had come loose. “I’m not quite sure yet, but would it be too much for me to say, Aliens?”

  
  


##  iii.

Zim had been enjoying as much of his time stuck in his Voot as possible. It took a while to learn how to tune GIR out, but that happened somewhere around month 4 and ever since Zim had been trying to catch any sort of output waves from his destination planet. He’d covered GIR’s mouth with some tape, used the robot’s antennae to catch the local radio waves, and then jerry rigged an extension to his Voot’s internal communications system so he could listen through that instead. 

The things he was hearing sounded like terror on his auditory orbits, at least until GIR started screaming again and he decided that this “one-oh-three-point-nine hot rajio” was much better. For approximately the first 30 seconds, he had no clue what was going on or what anything meant before his PAK kicked in and started analysing the noise, automatically translating it into Irken for him to understand. As soon as it did, though, he caught on quickly to the format of the radio. Some of this human-muzak would be played, occasionally being attributed to an artist drone and given a title. Every handful of songs the show’s hosts would cut in with some commentary, perhaps things that could have been considered a witty anecdote. 

GIR had quickly picked up the basics of most of the songs the humans would play and was singing them around the tape still sealing his mouth. “MMMMM BOP, BA DUBA DOP BA DU WOP, BA DUBA DOP BA DU WOP, BA DUBA DOP BA DU WOP.”

Zim figured that maybe the dulcet tones of the Hanson brothers would be a better lullaby against the stark eternal night of space if his robot would stop singing the chorus on repeat from the beginning to the end. At least it was entertaining enough that he barely noticed when month 5 of Voot-contained travel had nearly ended.

The most telling thing that even more time had passed was when one host started a segment that Zim found entirely confusing at first.  _ “Hello again listeners, It’s ya boy Chaz McFlickwick back for the Early Morning Show. Now I want to get into today’s chat topic early.” _

Sometimes the ‘chat topics’ were highly helpful in learning the culture of the humans. Zim did his best to listen intently, waiting for something that could be useful. Unfortunately, none so far had been “What is  _ your _ greatest weakness?” or “How likely to submit to an alien invasion are you?”. Zim listened with the hope that perhaps this one would be useful to him.

_ “Today I want to hear about your best university of college stories. What did you learn about yourself or your friends? Let’s hear all about it! Text in or call at 999 999 1039.” _

Zim wasn’t quite sure what this university or college was, but the follow up questions sounded interesting. Would people learn their greatest weaknesses or fears at this University or College? At the moment, GIR was powered down, asleep, thankfully, which meant that Zim could focus for once. He listened intently to all the stories being related from listeners to the show’s host, trying to make up for the mistranslations his ship was bound to make.

He paid complete attention to the incoming audio while the host recounted one person’s story of learning that they were terrified of spiders. Zim wasn’t entirely sure if the computer had translated this “zpider” word correctly, but he had no doubt he would recognize the creature if he was to ever see it. He was unsure if every human was afraid of zpiders, but he’d exploit it as much as possible. There was another story sent in about a human who had attended a full semester of class, while not actually enrolled. Supposedly, the human didn’t realize until the final examination when the instructor could not properly give a grade to the student. Zim sort of stopped paying attention there, too focused on remembering that humans were apparently not attentive enough to notice something as simple as that. He was sure that that would come in handy as it likely meant humans are entirely stupid.

The final anecdote that was relayed to the radio station was one that confused Zim for all that it was useful. Human schooling seemed similar to Irken, if only if it was way worse, less militarized, and really dumb. Apparently. This story revolves around a person spending “all nighters” in the school’s library with another person. The term all nighter was confusing, did humans need to power down often? Unless the translator in his PAK was malfunctioning, he would assume so. Knowing that would give him a big advantage, Zim could go weeks without powering down. 

He was on board with the story until the host mentioned that the person telling the story had apparently “met their soulmate” with the other person in the library. Were library’s only for two humans at a time? What is this “soulmate”? It was obviously a term for a person, but Zim didn’t know enough of this earth language to have a proper translation. 

All of this together was interesting and foreign. The fact that Human-muzak was so varied, which had been outright illegal on Irk, was nothing compared to the apparent variety of experiences on Earth. In order to properly blend in, Zim felt he would need to see some examples of how humans truly lived. Based on the stories the radio was sharing, it seemed that one of these Universities or Colleges would be his best bet for that.

##  iv. 

Class was dragging on. Not that it was a surprise. Dib flicked his pencil over his hand with a flourish. The professor was explaining some topic that should have been common sense, and they’d taken 50 minutes of the 80 minute class so far to do so. Rather than make a fuss or being all over the internet, Dib decided to get all the assigned questions for the week all the done. They hadn’t even taken more than half an hour.

Dib dropped his head onto the desk he was sitting in, trying to keep his heavy sigh as quiet as possible. It’s not that science like this (specifically, this class was physics: fluid dynamics) was  _ boring _ , it’s just that it was easy. If you were  _ made _ to be good at science, then it wouldn’t be interesting, right?

Dib has told his dad that, right after he found out he was a clone in an effort to get a little more freedom in his interest. It had worked so it must make sense, and therefore it’s not his fault that this lab class was probably at the bottom of his list of interests. Honestly, the only reason he could drag himself out of bed today was the second language class that came next. 

After doing what Professor Membrane would describe as “growing out of childish fantasies”, Dib fought back by taking lessons in other languages. He started with French, figuring it would be the closest to Spanish which he knew already, and by the time he graduated he could speak those, English, and was getting started in German and Navajo. Sure they weren’t what he had hoped to be spending his time doing when he was a preteen just discovering the world and the idea of post secondary schooling, but at least it wasn’t 100% what Membrane the Elder wanted. This was Dib sticking it to the man.

When the physics prof  _ finally _ started doing something interesting enough to be worth listening to, Dib was so bored he could barely keep his head up. German 212 could  _ not _ come fast enough, he thought as he watched the prof bring up a video of experiments done in a lab somewhere. Maybe if the class had started with this, he’d actually be interested in paying attention. Dib sighed again and tried to decide if maybe he should dip early, grab a coffee before making his way to the german room. 

And then the power went out. It wasn’t like a flickering light suddenly burnt out, or like someone had just flipped the switch for the lecture hall. All the lights in the room, even the small flickering ones on the emergency signs went out with a low buzz. For a room that seemed quiet before, this was a deadly silence.

But it wasn’t just silence, this was a sign. 

Dib quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket, hissing slightly when the too bright screen blinded him. Adjusting the brightness and pulling up his texts, Dib hunched down in his seat and tuned out the slowly picking up chatter of his classmates.

**[Power’s out, Gaz.]**

**[You know what this means.]**

There was a moment before he saw the  _ typing _ icon show up and he figured she was already getting ready to glare at him.

** _ [If the power wasn’t out here too, I'd tell you to expect a knuckle sandwich when you get home next.]_ **

Wait the power was out downtown too?

**[This is too big an area for it just to be a coincidence.]**

** _ [So, what]_ **

** _ [You think your alien finally landed?]_ **

Dib hesitated. He could just say no, not yet and move on. Wait for the power to come back. Go to German, pretend he didn’t notice the things happening all across town. Or…

**[I’ll text you when i find them.]**

Dib closed his laptop and shoved it into his bag, shining his phone’s screen around to make sure that was the only thing he had sitting on the desk, and then basically sprinted out of the lecture hall. The sun was too bright in his eyes as he exited into the building’s lobby but he didn't let that slow him down. A few other students followed him out onto the main sciences quad, but all at a much more leisurely pace. Dib slowed too, a little, once he was outside. Maybe sprinting across campus when the power is out, grinning like a madman might look a little suspicious. He slowed to a jog and tried to school his expression into something more neutral lest someone thing  _ he _ had caused this. 

The dorms were only another 100 meters or so ahead of him when Dib realized something. The main doors required keycard access and were totally locked when power was down. He’d have to use the emergency entrance to get to his dorm, then try to get into his room through the second keycard door, and  _ then _ he’d have to try to find his tools in the mess. And make it back out again. 

Not worth it. 

Instead he swung around, heading for the student parking, and pulling out his phone. 

**[Hey how'd you feel about coming with?]**

** _ [And skip social, the most important subject?]_ **

**[If power’s out, then I can’t get into my dorm.]**

**[Gotta have some sort of tools for this, Gaz]**

** _ [Or you could just go back to class. Let some other idiot find the alien.]_ **

**[But where's the fun in that?]**

**[You know this’ll be better than social with Witerson.]**

** _ [Come get me.]_ **

** _ [I’m only agreeing because you're right.]_ **

** _ [Whiterson is so fucking lame]_ **

That's good enough, he thought. Dib would be passing by her school on his way back anyways, and he was a little out of practice. Gaz would at least make sure he didn't end up dead. If it didn't turn out well he’d never hear the end of it but the excitement, the chance it’d turn out perfectly, made that risk worth it. 

When Dib made it to the parking lot he nearly threw himself into his new nissan leaf. His bag was tossed haphazardly into the back seat, any worry for his precious laptop forgotten in the thrill of the moment. The car took a few moments to start, precious moments that he should have been out on the road. It was times like this, when Membrane’s ‘gifts’ that were more like exchanges of Dib’s freedom for some expensive but needed tool looked more and more like a wasted opportunity to exercise some freedom. And then the car started and Dib was zipping out of the parking lot, electric car and/or father based frustrations forgotten in the thrill of the chase.

The roads were mostly empty, thankfully. It meant that Dib could pick up Gaz, who was waiting out front of her school, and make it home in about ten minutes. She elected to sit in his car, waiting while he ran up and into his old room to grab everything he needed. The Membrane household technically had its own power supply, PEG-Jr down in the sub-basement, so Dib was confused to find that the blackout had reached here as well. He stumbled through the kitchen and up the stairs before getting into his room where a single window sat, letting in enough sunlight to make this viable.

Dib dropped his bag on the bed while he went to rummage in his closet, still remarkably neat since he had emptied a portion out of it to take with him to his dorm. The first thing he tossed into his bag was the binoculars he’d modded back in high school, followed by two different cans of pepper spray, a can of silly string, his old symbol notepad and a few cans of mountain dew that he had apparently left behind when he moved out. His CB radio was already in the trunk of his car, and so was the camera that came on every outing like this. 

Before he could leave his old room, Dib stopped for a moment at his desk. He let his fingers drift over the wood slowly, remembering the many many hours sat here throughout his grade school years. As he reminisced, Dib pulled open the single drawer and shuffled through the contents. There was some old packs of gum, some loose queue cards, his highschool ID cards, and the one thing he was glad his dad never found out he had. 

Dib pulled out the modified BB pistol gun that had remained hidden here for the past two years or so. The pellets he kept it loaded with were coated in a slightly acidic powder, and it’s biggest draw was the homemade silencer. Dib grabbed it tentatively. Would he need it? If it really was an alien, he wouldn’t want to go investigating unprepared. If it was just a dude though, he’d look like  _ such _ an asshole. Besides, Gaz didn’t have a weapon. Maybe it should go to her then, to make sure she’s safe. Dib was confident despite being out of practice that he could still take care of himself.

He checked to make sure that the safety was engaged and slid it into one of the pockets of his bag. That was everything he’d need. Dib took one last look around his room, sliding the drawer shut before remembering that time was probably of the essence and sprinting back out of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing this fic in Segments, sort of like mini-chapters? Based on my plan right now, there should be about 35 of them once everything is said and done, and every chapter will have about 4k words, so however many segments gets us up to that number. Probably two or three.
> 
> The Chase should update weekly until it's over!
> 
> [Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


	2. v-vii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year 1 - October to Early November
> 
> This one does contain the organ stealing bit, but it's super vague. No gore here!

## v.

The new reality of his situation settled in quickly. Zim walked around his base a few times, enjoying the space that it offered compared to his voot. GIR was off in one of the two rooms on the upper side, probably making some sort of a mess already. Even doing nothing yet, Zim was glowing with pride. This was his mission, his planet to conquer. That was his robot singing about making waffles, and this was Zim’s base. 

“Computer,” Zim called with no small amount of excitement, “Let us begin the process of ‘blending in’.”

“Ugh, fine.” The computer’s voice echoed back, ringing in the empty house.

There was much work to be done still. Defenses had to be set up, human disguises needed to be made, and of course, Zim would need to find the easiest supply of materials to raid to keep his lab stocked. Such a long list already! The prospect of doing even the simplest job in the name of the Irken empire’s conquest, in the name of his mission, had him excited. Not that he actually wanted to physically _ do _ the work, but you know. The thought of doing the work was exciting.

Zim passed through the space that would be a human ‘kitchen’ to the human ‘living room’, coming up with ideas for what to do next. As he walked, his PAK opened and a tablet was dropped into his waiting hands. Zim scribbled a number of things onto it in the thick, blocky letters that made up the Irken language. 

“Computer, save this as the “to-do list”,” Zim called out, ignoring the computer’s usual grumble. As soon as it was saved, he started scribbling more things, defence plans for the front of the house. Lasers were a must, motion-activated of course. Defensive barriers too, the ability to put the house into lockdown mode. Maybe some sort of temporal trap. 

Zim paused. Would asking a time bubble trap give him away to any humans who got caught in it? He tried to remember what he knew of the technology level of humans. They were pitifully far behind Irkens, of course, but beyond that… Zim decided not to include the temporal bubble just yet. As soon as that was decided he told the computer to initialize these defences as well as a turret in one of the upper windows. It never hurt to be prepared. 

As the computer whirred and worked, Zim wandered over to one of the front windows. The ground beside the front path shifted slightly and a number of small human-ornamental gnomes were forced out of the ground. Each spun slightly before settling in watching the path, eyes shining a dangerous magenta. It matched his own eyes, a nice touch if he did say so himself.

Hm. Zim opened up the To-Do list and crossed off “defenses”. Next was “set up lab” and below that was “human disguise”. Well, setting up the lab was important. He’d need that space to make sure he could produce the equipment needed to first fit in and monitor the humans, then take over by enslaving or killing them all. A lab was indeed a great asset to have. But it did, for a moment, sound lame. It was too early for him to sneak out under cover of darkness to inspect the humans, so he’d need something else so he could go around inspecting.

“Computer, is the base fully powered?” Zim wandered his way back into the kitchen space and plucked GIR up off the counter. The computer grumbled, but gave its assent. “Good, then retract the emergency power lines and send us up to the Voot.”

“Maaaaaaster, whatchu doin?” GIR turned around in Zim’s arms so that the two were making eye contact. When Zim looked down squinting, the robot just grinned, probably enjoying the attention more than the possibility of learning something. 

Zim sighed, shifting as the computer was raising the elevator to the attic landing port. “We’re going to go inspect some humans in their natural habitats. We need good disguises GIR, so that we can blend in and learn the human weaknesses.”

GIR nodded emphatically. 

Zim was sure the tiny thing didn’t understand in the slightest. 

When the elevator stopped moving, Zim popped the cover on the Voot and climbed in with GIR still in hand. As soon as they were in the seat, Zim dropped GIR onto the floor of the Voot. It took the flipping of a few switches, the pressing of a few buttons but then the roof had opened long enough that Voot Cruiser was able to slip through into the sky. 

Both were entirely too preoccupied with their immediate surroundings to notice a small silver car three streets down start speeding in their direction. 

Zim lifted up slightly higher than the building's beside him before turning on the Voot’s stealth system. Light started being refracted around the Voot, rendering it invisible to anyone who used light to see, which was everyone on this smelly planet at least. With that done, Zim turned the Voot and began to lazily fly it over the town. 

GIR kept getting distracted by the many sights and sounds of the human city, but Zim wasn't sure if he actually expected any different. He however, had been paying perfect attention to the disgusting, primitive people walking around under his ship. Based on his observations, variation in skin tone was totally acceptable. He wasn't quite close enough to tell if variation in eye colour was acceptable as well, but he had to assume it was. The only issue was that humans did not have antenna, and therefore he'd have to cover his with something. Zim paid special attention to the multiple styles of what he assumed was some sort of hair, trying to decide which ones would be most pleasing to wear. 

They only wandered in the air above the streets for perhaps half an earthen hour before heading back to the base. Neither of them cared to notice that the quality of light had changed, time had passed, the town’s power was back on, or that there was now a car sitting just across from their base, watching. 

Zim hit the button that opened the roof so he could park the Voot. GIR had plastered himself to the curved window hatch, and when Zim pressed the button to open it, the small robot fell face first onto the floor. As soon as he popped back up, Zim found it acceptable to laugh and did so heartily. After a moment, GIR started laughing too, and that certainly made Zim stop. Not as funny when the idiot in the room starts laughing. 

Sighing to himself, Zim jumped out of the Voot and bent down to pick up GIR again. “Take us to the main level, Computer.”

GIR hung limply in Zim’s arms while the latter thought hard about his disguise. Of course it would be beautiful, Zim was _ Zim _. Everything about him was beautiful. As soon as the computer stopped the elevator on the main floor, GIR seemed to wake up and hop out of Zim’s arms. 

“Costume time?” GIR asked, looking up at him. “Is it costume time? I wanna be a dog!”

Zim started walking, not sparing the robot a glance. “It is not _ costume _ time, GIR,” he said with a slight sneer. “It is disguise time. And yes, you will be a dog.”

GIR danced happily around Zim’s feet. 

And then there was a knock at the door. 

Zim looked between his minion and the door, while the gentle knocks turned into more forceful pounds. “We haven't even been here that long. What did you do?”

“Nuthin’.” GIR started simply. “I hope it's pizza.”

“It’s not pizza, GIR.” 

“Yeah-huh! It’s pizza!”

“Nu-uh!”

“Yeah-huh!”

“GIR.” Zim growled. “It's not pizza, and I’ll prove it to you.” Before either of them could realize how bad an idea that was, Zim had stomped over to the door and pulled it open with an angry flourish. He flicked his eyes at the human on the other side, just long enough to make sure that the creature wasn’t wearing one of the universal uniforms of pizza employees, before going back to glare at his robot. “See, GIR? Not pizza. Just a stupid, smelly human.”

Not pizza, just a human.

A human.

Zim shrieked and jumped back from the door, his PAK legs extending before he had even hit the floor again.

This was the closest he had ever been to a human and the human seemed just as shocked to see Zim. Well, there goes the chances of a disguise working, at least with this one. This, tall one. This really _ really _ tall one. Before he could stop himself, Zim was mumbling something about just how tall the human was. Out loud. In the thing’s presence. His audio receptors burned at the realization.

If he hadn’t been short circuiting quite so badly, Zim might have heard the human mutter something similarly embarrassing. 

Zim shrieked again, diving forward and slamming the door. While he did that, his PAK legs pulled closed the blinds on either side of the door. “Computer! Lock down mode!” Everything was sealed up tightly, instantly, and he drew in a deep breath.

_ Thank Irk the defenses came first _, Zim thought while he tried to peek through the small window in the door. The Human was just staring at the door, right where Zim had been, fist half raised. Was it going to try knocking again? He wouldn’t fall for the same trick twice. The human didn't even seem to realize that.

There was another human, further back, leaning on a vehicle, watching Zim’s house and the first human. This one was not quite as tall and very quickly became distracted by a small object they were holding. The first human was still just staring. 

“Maaaaaaster, he's not leaving.” Gir climbed up Zim’s back to sit on his head, also peering out the door’s small windows.

“I know GIR.”

“He didn't even have pizza for me.”

“Yeah GIR, no pizza.”

“Make him leave!”

“Okay GIR. Computer? Activate the gnomes.”

The first human was dragged away at the collar by the second human before the gnomes even fired their first shot. 

  


## vi. 

Dib sat in his usual spot near the back of the lecture hall and started counting down. The first time it had happened he was beyond shocked. He was the only human (who cared) that knew the dumb alien’s secret, and yet the dumb alien in question decided to sit beside him in their physics labs? Like how stupid did you have to be?

In the end, it probably worked out in Zim’s favour. That first day they nearly got into a fistfight right there in the lecture hall and both had been kicked out. And then they _ did _ get into a fistfight. But the next day, one of the TA’s spent the whole class glaring daggers at Dib. He couldn't pull anything while class was in session. 

It meant that Zim couldn't pull anything either. Small blessings. 

Since then though, Zim had made a point of sitting next to Dib every class. They taunted each other through the whole hour and a half, but there hadn’t been any more fistfights yet. He may have been doing a shitty job at pretending to be human, but somehow the other students on campus seemed to be believing it and Dib couldn’t afford that much social suicide. That said, he didn’t stop watching the alien. Zim was a menace and if keeping him focused on Dib kept him too occupied to try to take over the earth, then it was worth it. 

In any case, as soon as Dib’s seat was full, he had about ten seconds before Zim would walk in. It was like the insectoid planned it. Hell, if Dib didn't know any better, he'd say that Zim _ did _ plan it just like that. Like that's just so fucking extra it made Dib want to pull out his hair. How was nobody else noticing that the kid who slumped into the chair beside him, right on time, was an alien? Nothing he did was normal! Zim didn't even have ears for fucks sake!

Dib seethed while beside him, Zim, acted as if nothing was wrong. As if he hadn’t stalked the daylights out of the human in an effort to annoy him, probably. As if he really belonged in Physics 144 with the rest of the real students. Dib was about to make a comment when he looked up to see the TA watching him. They grimaced and then drew their hand across their neck. Dib shivered but thought twice about whatever he was about to say.

He couldn’t keep his eyes off the green-skinned, wig-wearing freak for long though, and when he finally did look over, Zim was just grinning at him. It’s obvious that the asshole thought he had an upper hand in this scenario. Upper hand over what? Why was he so fucking cocky all the time? God, Dib was unbelievably angry and all they had done was make eye contact.

The professor started talking very soon after that and Dib was able to use that to tune Zim out. He did his usual thing of messing around on facebook, making sure he was caught up on the readings, and double checking that he had finished all the homework questions for the week.

The class passed quickly enough. Dib scribbled a few insectoid or lizard related insults on some scraps of paper and tossed them at Zim, which the fool had returned immediately. Everything went by without a hitch until the professor stopped the lecture early to remind students about an upcoming exam. _ The _ upcoming exam, on Tuesday, next class. Dib hadn’t really paid it any attention, he knew he could pass it easily. Zim though, he got a worried look on his face, though it was gone as soon as he noticed Dib looking at him.

“Hey, Space-boy,” Dib tried to keep his excitement out of his voice while he whispered to his enemy. If he could pull this off, it would be unbelievably funny. “This is your first test on Earth, right?”

Zim’s contact covered eyes narrowed. “That does not concern you, Dib-Stink.”

Dib shrugged, playing the part. “Sure, whatever, asshole. I was just going to give you some advice.”

“Zim does not need your advice, worm.”

“Not saying you did.” Dib was reeling him in, he knew it. “I thought I’d at least put us on an even playing field. If you want to let me take the easy advantage, I will.”

Zim scoffed. “Earth-monkey, you could have every handicap possible, and I would still defeat you.”

“Then you don’t want the advice?” Zim didn’t respond, so Dib just kept talking. “Look, just make sure that you’re ready for the full body scan, you know, have all the organs and stuff.”

“Organs?” There was the most subtle widening of Zim’s eyes, hints of magenta coming through around the edges of his contacts. 

Dib clenched his right hand into a fist as tight as he could to stop from laughing. He needed to keep his cool here. “Yeah, you know. Like a heart and lungs and an appendix and stuff.” Dib shrugged in forced nonchalance. “You take the test and then they scan you to make sure you’re who you say you are.”

While they talked, it looked like the prof had finished up class. People in the seats around them were packing up their things. Dib decided to just start doing the same. Even if Zim looked it up tonight and realized he was being fucked with, it would be fun while it lasted. And hell, tomorrow he had nothing after his math class, if Zim wanted retribution, he’d happily give it. It’d been about two weeks now and since that first one, Dib was almost itching for another fight.

He packed up his shit though and watched as Zim slowly gathered the two things he bothered to bring with him. “Well, see you later Zim.” He narrowed his eyes to glare. “I’m watching you.”

Zim was still sort of staring blankly at Dib’s now empty seat. “Yeah, yeah, Earth-monkey. Death to all humans, see you tomorrow.”

Without any argument, Dib shrugged and walked away to get to his German class. 

When Dib finally got around to leaving his dorm and heading out for the calculus lecture he couldn’t help but notice that a number of other students looked as nonplussed as he felt. Dib had never had friends, maybe a few people that he could count on to partner with for highschool projects, but nobody that he really could count on. He hung out with Gaz a lot, but that was different than regular human contact. Neither of them was good at expressing emotion for starters. 

Maybe because of that he put a lot of energy into trying to read emotions based on expressions. Even if he couldn’t express them, himself, it’d be useful to recognize how others did. And it did help him get through high school without being the social pariah he had been in middle school. So at least he had that going for him. 

Normally Dib’s peers looked generally okay. Some would be on the phone, others chatting with the people they would be walking beside. There would be a sense of some sort of camaraderie in the air. Today nothing. Today had so little something it had gone into the negatives. Unless every person he had passed between the dorms and the lecture hall for calculus had a midterm today, something was wrong. 

They all just looked, sort of dead.

Dib shrugged to himself and kept walking. Maybe the first cold of the year had started going around and they all had it or something. He tried to tell himself that it wasn’t worth investigating until _ after _ class at least. 

It had worked, sort of. He managed to pay about the same amount of attention as he normally did. Numbers like this were only the slightest bit harder than science, but it still wasn’t enough to keep his focus. When Dib’s mind was wandering through, he wandered far. Remembering Gaz’s childhood frustration with Dib for him being thoughtless in his actions. Professor Membrane’s frustration with Dib’s refusal of traditional science. That one time he swore he was bitten by vampiric bumblebees in 4th grade and he got beat up every day for a week. Good times. 

By the time he left the lecture hall, Dib felt about as lame and shitty as the people around him were looking. Now he had time to investigate, though, and he walked upstream the students who looked the deadest. It wasn't every single one, now that Dib was looking a little closer. And there weren't even that many people to begin with. As he walked, Dib found himself heading south through the campus, across the main quad, through to the arts quad and ending at the library closest to the Humanities building. 

Dib hadn’t had a class around here yet, but he knew that Zim did. Oh god, this probably had something to do with Zim, didn't it? The creep wasn't waiting outside Dib’s math class, which was something he did often enough for it to be a new routine. Seriously, stalker much?

Anyways, Dib travelled up the slow stream of students to see Zim, standing just inside the entrance to the library building, wearing a lab coat that barely fit him, holding two very suspect looking devices. Zim was looking like when a mouse eats a too large block of cheese in old cartoons. God his anatomy was weird. The worst part of it all was a line of students that were standing in front of him, waiting for their turn at this madness. 

“Hey, what's all this?” Dib asked, trying to sound genuinely interested instead of starting to vibrate with rage. 

The girl standing closest to Dib turned to him a little dismissively. “The guy up there is pre-med. That thing he’s holding can tell you how well your organs are working or if you're, like, sick or something.” She scoffed. “Obviously.” 

“Obviously,” Dib agreed sarcastically. 

So whatever the fuck it was, it was Zim’s fault for being too dumb to get that Dib was just fucking with him. 

Some dude walked up to Zim, got “scanned” and then had a short, heated exchange with the poorly disguised alien before walking off. “Who does he think he is,” Dib heard the man mutter, “to tell me that _ my _ organs are bad? His must be worse to turn his skin green.”

A very strong part of Dib wanted to chase that guy down and tell him it wasn't his organs that turned Zim green, it was the fact he was from space. And then Dib remembered how poorly that had gone every time so far this month. And how much he should really stop Zim before this continued. 

Dib stalked up to the offending alien. “Hey, Space-Boy. What are you doing?”

“Ah, eh, oh it's just you.” Zim shouted a little, not expecting to be interrupted while he scanned another student. “Hello, Dib-Thing. I am just, uh, doing things beyond your comprehension.”

Dib forced his clenched fists to relax. Zim was too calm, so he probably had no idea what he was doing was both wrong and useless. “You know I was fucking with you, right?”

Zim stopped his scan and took a heavy step closer to Dib. Whatever he had done had somehow made him taller. His biology was so weird, Dib thought absently. “What did you say?”

“It was just a joke, idiot.” He forced himself to relax a little more, throwing fists couldn't retroactively stop an alien from doing whatever this is. “What are you even doing anyways?”

Zim took another step towards Dib, leaning up as if to whisper into his ears. Seriously, he had gone from barely mid chest on Dib to slightly above his shoulders. “I am only doing what you suggested Dib. Now be quiet, this one’s spleen is in perfect condition. Zim _ will _ have that spleen.”

“First of all, ew.” Dib sighed and put his head in his hand for a moment. “Second of all, I’m serious. I had been joking, Zim. All you need is your student ID card.”

Zim just gave him a blank stare. 

“I’m pretty sure that you got the organs you’ve been stealing… in you… somehow. How did you even manage that?”

“That’s top secret, worm.”

“Alright, so that’s gonna be hell to fix.” Dib glared at his enemy. “I hate you so much right now, Zim. “

“I hate you too, Dib-Stink.” Zim said, his expression darkening as he seemed to realize that Dib was truthful that he had been lying before. “I hate you, so much. I hate you mo-”

“If I wasn’t worried you’d explode right now, Zim, I’d punch you so fucking hard.”

“I’ll punch you too! I’ll kill you!”

“Zim, let's go give people their organs back so I can kick the shit out of you.”

## vii. 

Zim sat in the uncomfortable seat of his ENG 102 class, regretting every choice that got him to this moment. The final descent to Earth had been unbelievably simple, as had the setting up of his base. The only hiccup had been that dumb human, who by Zim’s calculations should just now be getting out of his German 212 class, and even that had been easily handled. 

Accessing the human internet to find the closest University or College had been too easy. For a moment he thought maybe it was a trapped search, that the google would turn him in to some sort of human authorities. Then Zim remembered what planet he was talking about. The primitive humans hadn't even managed to set up a permanent base outside of their own planet’s immediate atmosphere yet. As soon as he had found the closest one, it was only a matter of using his superior charisma and piles of digital currencies to get him enrolled. Zim had graduated several stations above his height at the Irken Academy. Human “post secondary” schooling would be child's play. 

And then he landed himself into ENG 102. The English language, from what he had learned via his PAK’s translator, was remarkably similar to Irken. Different alphabets, of course, but similar structures. The most frustrating thing about it was all the adjectives. Irken adjectives usually related to strength, power, combat prowess, and height. There was a word for tall, respectable, and powerful. One word. Another that meant short-but-worthy, a word for enemies that you cannot battle without, one for the dishonour of being tall and weak or dumb. 

What the fuck was “cute”? The human language was so flowery, it's adjectives all having so many meanings. Zim’s PAK translated what it could but at this point, Zim was better off struggling through reading the things for class in the original language. If it wasn't for his competitive nature, he'd have given up weeks ago. As it stood now, he was seriously considering other methods of infiltrating the human race. 

That was the thing though. Dib’s little “prank” last week proved that Zim really needed to work a little harder at blending in. Once they had indeed gone to a nondescript location and fought, Zim went home and did some human-internet-searching to find that very very rarely did they ever check anything about his organs. The only issue it would appear he could ever have is if he had to go through a “metal detector” which his PAK would almost certainly set off. Now that he knew to avoid them, then everything would be fine. 

Zim’s only issue was that Dib might have accidentally outed Zim to the students. Even if only one person started to doubt Zim’s disguise, then Dib would be in the lead. Dib would _ not _ win. The earth clock on the wall said that there was still approximately 20 earth minutes left in this class. He didn’t need to be here. He could be at home, furthering his research into blending in with human culture. Zim’s disguise was perfect, obviously, it was just the primitive cultural aspect that he needed to brush up on. Irken culture was far past this, and if he needed to infiltrate that, then it would be a snap.

Ugh! 

Zim grabbed his stupid human notebook and stupid human pencil, and got up from the class. 20 more minutes of this boring nonsense was 20 minutes too long. As soon as the door was closed to the lecture theatre, Zim opened his PAK and an arm extended his straight-to-base mic. “GIR. Come get me. Zim is DONE with the human school, it SUCKS.”

_ “Okie Dokie!” _The mic crackled, leading Zim to think GIR had just fallen off of whatever he had been sitting on. 

“Don’t crash into anything this time, GIR.”

_ “Hm. Hmmmmmmm. Mhm. Okie Dokie” _

That… sounded reasonable enough. Zim let go of the mic and it zipped back into his PAK, which closed back up seamlessly without anyone seeing it. He flicked his eyes down the hall in both directions, just to be sure. There was, of course, no one around. All that was down this hall were the lecture theatres and the back staircase to the second level of the humanities building. Even if he hadn’t been sure that he was fine (which he was sure of, thank you.) it wouldn’t be an issue. Now he just had to wait for GIR to get here with the Voot. 

Zim headed for the nearest exit, deciding to wait outside. GIR was usually a pretty good driver, as long as he remembered to turn on the stealth mode. Fuck, Zim hadn’t reminded him about the stealth mode. Crashing into a building (again) could be the least of his worries. No, no. GIR was better than that. He held confidence in his SIR unit. 

After waiting only a few steps away from the closest road, there was a shift in the air ahead of him. Then there was a loud _ Thunk _ of something metal hitting something else.

“GIR,” Zim sighed. At least he knew for sure that stealth _ had _ been activated. “Open the hatch.”

There was a muffled “Okayyyyyy” before the hatch indeed opened, letting Zim hop in and take over the controls right away. “I was waving at yous, Master.”

Zim flipped the switch, closing the hatch, and reinstating the light refracting device instantly. “We’re going home GIR.”

GIR just sat on the floor of the Voot, playing with the collar of his dog costume. It kept him entertained until they got back to the base at least. To be honest, when GIR isn't getting both himself and the costume all sticky, he’s a nice companion. He doesn’t understand enough to constantly try to get Zim to explain his plans, but will listen with as much as he’s capable when Zim feels like talking. Honestly, the Tallests really did a perfect job at selecting Zim’s SIR unit. The next time he called in with a status report, he’d have to thank them again.

As soon as they had returned to the base, Zim brought both him and his robot down to the lab. “Computer, bring up the human ‘Google’. I wish to ‘search’ what qualities the humans think make the best person.”

Day one included a lot of “Well that’s dumb,” and “How is that an enviable quality?” or even “What does ‘clout’ even have to do with anything?”. Day two was the start of the earth weekend, so Zim had no distractions and was able to keep up his research into what humans think makes them human, other than all those organs that Zim never wanted to touch ever again, thank you. Day three went about the same. GIR started a fire in the kitchen, which caused some serious damage to the building, and then Zim had to deal with all of that. 

The next few days were fairly similar to that. Zim only left the house for long enough to go to class to keep up the disguise. He parked the Voot on the roof of the closest building because even waiting for GIR to come get him was taking too much time out of his research. Why was the internet so big? Irken years were much shorter in comparison to earth years, but that didn’t change the fact that earth was barely an infant in comparison to the Irken empire yet their internet seemed to be double the size. How did the humans just have so much garbage floating around their digital space? 

Maybe it was all the hearsay on it. 

Whatever, doesn’t matter. The only important thing was that Zim was learning _ so _ much and he couldn’t stop just yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! thanks for checking out chapter two! Current finished segment status is 10/35, with another 3 in progress. It does look like the total number is gonna get bumped up a little though, but thats just more content, right? 
> 
> Catch you next week!
> 
>   
[Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


	3. viii-x

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year 1 - Mid November to Mid December

##  viii.

Dib and Gaz were wandering the campus, waiting for the thrift market in the students' union building to finish setting up. It was supposed to be a weekly thing, but Dib had never bothered to check it out before, despite the fact he had lived on campus for two and a half months now. Gaz had finally decided that she wanted to check it out though, maybe there would be some retro games around that might help her take her mind off senior problems. Like college applications and her first set of finals. 

“You’re also buying me a bubble tea, Stink face,” Gaz announced when they finally entered the building. 

Part of Dib was expecting this, enough that he had remembered to grab the bubble tea place’s loyalty card. The other part was annoyed that he’d have to spend 5 bucks on something so frivolous, and therefore he argued. “And why do you think I’d do that?”

Gaz looked at him, a glare tightening her eyebrows. “You look like you’re about to start talking about your alien boyfriend so I need some recompense.”

He could only sputter in response.

There was a beat of silence before Gaz laughed at him. “Not even going to deny it, huh? God you’re so fucking lame.”

“Look, something’s definitely up. He is NOT my boyfriend, first of all, I’d much rather kill him than kiss him, Gaz. Second of all Zim hasn’t done anything all week. He hasn’t even come to harass me outside of calculus.” Dib’s face felt way redder than it had any reason to be. “It’s annoying and it breaks his routine.”

Gaz gagged a little while she led Dib in and towards the drink vendor of her choice. 

“Seriously, Gaz. You have to admit it’s a little weird that there’s been  _ nothing _ .”

They waited in line while Dib quietly ranted. 

“Sure they’ve all been dumb, but there’s usually at least one scheme a week. Sometimes two. Plus who knows how many more that are so dumb they don’t even make it to my radar.”

Dib’s loyalty card got him a free drink, which he enjoyed while Gaz led them around the handful of tables set up in the wide halls of the building. 

“Like it’s annoying enough that he tried bugging my laptop and setting up his dumb robot to watch my dorm that one time, but he seriously didn’t need to make GIR eat my mini cams when he found them.”

Gaz called him a stalker, again, while picking out a game for the original game slave, and then she threatened the kid selling the game. If it didn’t work, she’d come back and break his legs. The kid promised it’d by work.

“At this point, I’m almost getting bored. Like it’s nice to be able to focus on my classes again but I’m beginning to remember why I hated them so much in the first place. Zim is nothing if not entertaining.”

Gaz carried her purchase proudly as the pair exited onto the main quad again. “It’s nice to see you so excited about something but have you considered how much of a dick you’re going to look like if he decides to just live a normal life here?”

Dib slurped up some his drink as loudly as possible, just to annoy her for making such an outrageous suggestion. They only got a little further in the quad before noticing a small crowd forming on the end opposite to them. It was weird, considering the air was getting brisk now that it was November. Dib and Gaz shrugged at each other before checking it out. 

It surprised neither of them to see Zim and GIR (in the dog suit, of course) setting up some sort of a makeshift stage. It might as well happen, right? Dib had been right that it was weird to not see anything for over a week by this point. 

“What are you doing, Space boy?” Dib called out to him, pretty casually, as they walked up. 

Zim paused the setting up of his stage for a moment to turn and scoff at Dib. “My plans are far beyond the limits of your human understanding, Dib-Monkey. Besides, my speech will put everything into terms your small brain can comprehend.”

Dib just raised his eyebrows and silently sipped his drink. This didn’t  _ seem _ very nefarious, but he’d just have to wait and see. He and Gaz stood around with the rest of the crowd, watching the alien slave over some weird, (probably) Irken garbage that Zim was making the stage out of. 

The base was fairly fast to set up, and then GIR ran off, coming back with a megaphone, from somewhere. Honestly, the little robot creeped Dib about a little. After that, Zim just needed to set out some flyers he had probably made and printed at home on the ground in front of him. 

“Think that’s all of the set up?” Gaz asked as she alternated between playing a game on her phone and finishing off her tea. 

“Probably,” Dib decided, wondering if now was the time to intervene. 

As if knowing his thoughts, Gaz turned to Dib and just shook her head. “It’ll be funnier this way.”

Dib nodded and finished off his own drink as Zim got up on the stage, megaphone in hand. 

“Hello, human college students of which I am one,” he started, holding the megaphone in one hand and adjusting his wig with the other. “I have an announcement! I am here to propose something that will blow your tiny, tiny minds! We, humans, have many attributes that are respectable. There is “respect,” “kindness,” and “generosity,” to name a few.”

“He says them like it hurts his brain to imagine not being an asshole,” Dib whispered to Gaz whole they watched this unfold. Other members of the crowd also seemed to be whispering to their cohorts. 

Gaz scoffed, but in the way that Dib had always been sure was just a cover for a snicker. 

“I propose a way to quantify this, fellow garbage-monkeys. What if we spent our precious time on trying to determine which human really is the best. An award based on the criteria of being a good person! An award for those pesky “positive role models” we all have in our pitifully short lives.” Zim had a sly smile, showing that he thought he was on a roll. 

Dib was just confused. What in the world would he gain by this? Maybe learning what people here thought were good human qualities?

“Now, my human peers! Let us call out the names of those we think would be good role models. I shall go first. Myself, obviously.” 

A slight chuckle went through the crowd before someone shouted out something. A name. And then another. And another. Then someone climbed up on the stage, ignoring Zim’s glare, before taking the megaphone and tossing it into the crowd. 

Dib and Gaz took a few steps back from the crowd, watching as it gained a sort of mob mentality, just shouting out names and chanting “good” qualities. Zim also was watching, though it looked more like he was watching in horror instead of in amusement. Part of the crowd started climbing up onto the stage Zim had set up, shoving him off in their way. 

Gaz snorted a little, watching Zim get shoved out of his own event. Dib had to admit that she had been right, it was  _ way _ funnier to see this happen without any interference. 

“You owe me another tea.” 

“Aw, what? Why?” Dib balked at her smile. 

She just shrugged. “Recompense.”

##  ix. 

The next plan needed to be mind control. If the movies and tv shows and internet websites were anything to go by, humans seemed most terrified by the idea that they are not in control of themselves. At least, that was what Dib assumed Zim was thinking. It was the only logical explanation for the number of pointed musical references the alien had been making all week, and even this was a bit of a leap. Maybe Zim was thinking that the allure of song and dance was too strong for a human to resist? 

Dib has been thinking himself in circles all day now. The stunt with the “best human award” had been funny and all, but the next few had seemed actually competent of Zim. They were mostly just ways to fit in better but they had all pretty much worked until the last minute, when Dib would show up and turn the smoke machine off, somehow ruining everything. Or GIR would get distracted and that gave Dib an opening to disconnect whatever machine Zim had made. 

This time though, Dib had no idea what to think. It was either so unbelievably stupid that he simply couldn't conceptualize whatever Zim’s plan was, or it was so out there it wouldn't work anyways. Mind control through musical cues, though, it seemed to toe the line just enough to be plausible. 

That was if that was even what Zim was planning. He might have just found some movies online and thought it a good way to fuck with Dib. God if that was the plan, it was working so well. Dib has barely even registered anything that was being said during his classes all week. Which was really really unfortunate, since it was the last week before this term’s finals. 

It felt like the term had gone by in a flash, he was already pretty much halfway through his first year at university. Dib rolled over on his bed in his dorm room, looking out at all the stuff he’d accumulated. A bunch of books, some posters for movies that came out in the last handful of months, some stuff he had stolen from Zim in relation to failed schemes. A handful of textbooks he now had to decide if he wanted to sell or keep once the term was up. 

Nothing in here would really protect him from mind control if it was being handled in a traditional sci-fi manner, but Zim had been referencing all those broadway songs. Musicals. Dib looked at the school supplied desk and remembered the one he had at home. It had more tools in it that he probably could have used over the last three and a half months, but Dib had some sort of understanding of social conventions. It would be way easier to get Zim in trouble for a dangerous object when Dib didn’t have one as well. Well that and he was pretty sure Gaz had actually given his pellet pistol to their dad since he hadn’t found it again after that day back in October. 

So what was inconspicuous enough that he could get away with using it to bring about Zim’s downfall, yet powerful enough to actually work? It’s music. Would … would earplugs work? Was that just dumb enough? It seemed like that would be too simple but it was probably the best he could come up with on short notice. Once he got back tonight, he’d try to come up with something better. 

Dib just sighed to himself as he got up to group rummaging through the desk drawers. He had to have a pair somewhere in here, right? Dib sure hoped so. Even if it would mean he couldn't actually hear anything, it would be better than not showing up at all. These days, classes were all too easy anyways. The only reason Dib went at all was to quiet his anxiety over it suddenly getting hard (or even just more interesting) on the one day he would decide to skip.

While he was at the desk, Dib checked his pill caddy to make sure he had actually been taking his meds. He grabbed the ones for today, some earplugs that were still in their brand new lil baggie that was at the very back of the drawer, and a granola bar from the box he kept on top. Dib scarfed down the granola bar and popped the earplugs in just to make sure they fit. The result was highly pleasing, the normal sounds of his dorm building were absent. He took them out again, deciding that Zim probably wouldn't start whatever this plan was without first coming into contact with Dib. If he was confident enough in it to start alluding to it around Dib, he would wait to set it off so Dib could feel the full horror of it. 

At least, that was Dib’s running theory. Today was his math class, as well as his linguistics class and his English-for-science-students class. Because of that, he was hoping nothing would get set off, praying for it basically. Being able to actually listen in and pay attention to his last few classes was worth a lot of peace of mind to Dib. He kept the earplugs in their bag, in the pocket of his jacket in case he caught sight of Zim but really did hope that he wouldn't need them. 

Linguistics was first and it was probably the one Dib needed to pay the most attention to. Languages and the structure of those languages weren't as easy as everything else, so this class actually required some effort. He loved it. Zim almost never bothered him here because it was way out of the alien’s way to get to the building it was in. Dib walked in confident that nothing would happen and felt very pleased as he walked out an hour and a half later, everything having been fine. 

On the way to English, Dib’s hand in his pocket began toying with the bag of earplugs. Zim  _ sometimes _ was around here, the humanities building also held Zim’s English class but it was tuesday/thursday, not monday/wednesday. Dib kept his eyes a bit more open but still didn't put them in. 

Nothing happened in class either, but Dib felt more on edge. He found himself looking between people in the halls, watching out for that telltale flash of green. His walk to the final class of the day was honestly a little calmer than it had been before. If Zim hadn’t already shown up and was planning on showing up at  _ some _ point, it was probably going to be on his way out of the math lecture. For some reason, scaring the daylights out of Dib in creative and menacing ways was one of Zim’s simple pleasures. 

Dib’s last class of the day passed without incident. He waited for a little before leaving, hoping to not have to walk in a crowd just in case. Dib’s fingers in his pockets wormed the little baggie open and grazed the earplugs. Maybe he should put them in just in case?

Yeah, yeah he should. Dib slid them in and then strode out of the lecture hall. He wanted to turn and look, search the proximity for the alien, see if Zim would notice that Dib had come up with a way to thwart his plan. He restrained himself though, putting as much confidence in his steps as he power walked his way back to his dorm. 

Literally nothing happened all day. Dib threw his bag onto the floor of his room as soon as he got back in. The anticipation was starting to kill him. He reviewed every leading comment Zim had made over the past week. He checked his cataloged list of Zim’s previous plans. He even watched what surveillance footage that he had gotten of the green little prick. 

Hm. Maybe Dib was getting a little obsessive.

No, absolutely not. Dib was just as worried as he needed to be. Zim was a threat to humanity and Dib might actually be a little too chill about everything. There was a possibility that he was not nearly obsessive enough.

The night grew long. Dib kept at it. 

##  x. 

Dib rolled over in the morning and looked at the scraps of paper pinned to the wall. When had he even fallen asleep? He hadn’t come up with any better ideas, or at least any that were executable at school. It’s possible Dib could have made a white noise machine that could create some sort of sound barrier but that would require tools. And a lab. 

Gaz would have never let him into the house, so Dib didn’t even bother trying. The earplugs were good enough to protect him from the impending sound-based attack. And since Dib was protected, then he’d make sure the rest of humanity was safe too. All he needed was himself and then everything would be fine.

Dib laid in bed and considered every idea he had about Zim’s next plan. Then he rolled out of bed, grabbed his physics and german books, his earplugs, and left the dorm. He felt comfortable just holding his earplugs in his pocket while he went downstairs and grabbed a bite to eat from the nearest coffee shop. Nothing had happened yesterday, but based on his theory about Zim’s plans, it’d be set off today. They still were in his pocket instead of his ears when he sat at the coffee shop eating his breakfast. Dib  _ considered _ putting them in on his way to the lecture hall, but settled on just popping them in during his ten seconds of grace.

At the same moment, Dib decided that he’d actually sit maybe a seat away from Zim. Whether the alien noticed or not, he figured it’d be a little easier to pretend that he could still hear things if Zim couldn’t try to make conversation with him. With that in mind, Dib decided to sit in … Elisha? Elise? Eliza? Eh, a girl with an ‘E’ name. Dib sat in her seat and just hoped that she wouldn’t mind. It might be better if she just didn’t come to class today, but Dib didn’t think he would be that lucky. He sat down and put the earplugs in, all the while counting down his seconds of grace.

At the end of it, he could feel a heavy slam come from his right, shaking the counter-desk thing he was sitting at. Dib didn’t bother even turning his head, he knew that Zim had entered. The teacher got up at the front of the class and started writing something on the board. Dib kept his attention straight forward. Was this review? Dib squinted a little as if focusing his eyes harder would let him hear the lecture without taking out the plugs. 

There was another vibrating slam on the table that had some people from the row ahead glance backward. Dib didn't turn his head, but he did glance out of the corner of his eye. Zim was glaring at him. Damn. Dib hoped his glance hadn't been noticed. He schooled his expression back to extreme neutrality. 

The professor wrote more on the board and Dib idly copied portions of it down onto his notes document. A minute or two went past in peace before Dib felt something hit his shoulder but he ignored it. When he had glanced earlier, Dib hadn’t seen the girl whose seat he was currently in in between Zim and himself. That meant either she was sitting elsewhere or she wasn’t here. It also meant there were no barriers between Zim and himself, so Dib had no doubt the little fucker had just tossed something at him. 

A  _ really _ big part of Dib wanted to bend down to grab whatever it was, to turn his focus fully to Zim but he couldn’t. Not only would it go against the current plan, but this was kind of like revenge for Zim inadvertently keeping Dib up all night again. It was fun annoying his enemy like this. In a forced act of nonchalance, Dib leaned back into his chair and kicked the wad of probably paper away with his foot.

It only took a moment for something else to be thrown at Dib. Based on previous experience, he figured it was an eraser that Zim had just launched at his head. He had to hold back a snort at how quickly Zim seemed to be falling apart. 

As Dib calmed himself down internally, he found himself getting bored rather quickly. He could hear his own heartbeat echoing back in his ears, the click of his jaw when he took a sip of his water, but that was it. There was no subtle drone from the teacher, no scratch of pens on paper or the tick-tacking of people typing, no quiet clicking of Zim’s PAK. Just Dib and his thoughts, stuck in his head. This sucked. Dib seriously hoped that this would be enough to set off Zim’s plan early, he didn’t think he could do this for too long. 

Dib sat in his relative silence for the next 20 minutes. They were hellish and boring. When his peers all turned to look two seats to Dib's left, he had to keep himself from letting out an audible sigh of relief. finally, something was happening

The students from the row ahead of him stood up from their chairs as if to face Zim fully, faces devoid of any emotion. They looked forward for a few moments before their mouths started to move in sync with one another. Dib finally turned to his side, filled with anticipation.

There was Zim as expected, but an in-costume GIR had come out from somewhere and his mouth was wide open. Zim very quickly alternating between glaring at GIR and grinning at the humans around them. Others further away were also turning around but the confusion was obvious on their faces. Dib watched as Zim made some sort of “aha!” based on his expression, and then everyone in the whole lecture hall was dead faced, staring back. Zim turned to him and finally, the eye contact was achieved. Dib shivered a little at the presence of something predatory in the other's expression. 

This, this is what Dib had been waiting for. This moment is what kept him up all night. 

Zim threw a hand out forward, pointing at Dib and all the watching faces turned to him with frightening speed. If he could hear anything right now, Dib was certain he’d have heard the woosh of air moving. As it stood now, his heartbeat sped up audibly and that only created a feedback loop of excitement. 

All of his peers surged forwards, mouths still moving in sync and movements following some sort of strange choreography. It seemed that Dib was correct in his assumption, music had been the key to Zim’s plan. The end goal? Still just as obfuscated as before but that didn’t matter. The battle, the act of trying to catch the other off guard, the chase was the important thing. Dib quickly shoved his books into his bag and turned on his heel to sprint out of the lecture hall. He glanced back over his shoulder as he pushed his way out of the entrance hall to see Zim chasing after, GIR riding his shoulders and a blank-expression wave of humans following just behind. They surged forward, seeming to swallow Zim and GIR before the two appeared on the shoulders of the crowd, surfing the human wave of song and dance. 

There was a surge of fear and worry in the pit of Dib’s stomach, but he felt a grin overtake his face nonetheless. Based on what he had seen earlier, the control system had to have something to do with the little robot. That usually meant that Dib just had to wait it out, the problem would solve itself and GIR would basically do all of Dib’s dirty work for him. As Dib dashed out onto the sidewalk trying to decide which direction to head, he noticed the people wandering around the campus were slowly becoming just as dead faced as the others. He sprinted past a few people wearing over-the-ear earbuds and headphones, all of them still looking like normal humans. Further proof it was audio based. How was it spreading though?

Dib bobbed and weaved, crashing into the doors of the next closest building, hoping to lose the crowd that was following behind him. As soon as he was inside the entrance hall, Dib dove into the first open door and landed himself in a full classroom. His earplugs were still firmly in place, leaving him unable to hear anything other than his own heartbeat pounding in his skull. The people in this room were staring at him more looked more confused rather than anything else, thankfully. Dib stammered an apology that he hoped was at an appropriate speaking volume before running out of that room and trying the one next door.

It was blessedly empty and Dib felt his whole body sag in relief. He positioned himself as far from the doors as possible after locking them and ensuring there were no windows in this smaller room. It looked like it could only comfortably fit maybe 20 students. What building was Dib in? He’d come out of the Interdisciplinary building and gone south… this was one of native studies buildings maybe? Hm. Dib sat himself in one of the desks and pulled his phone out of his bag to check exactly where he was. 

The phone, as soon as being activated, only showed a video of GIR dancing. He could feel the slight vibrations of sound coming from it. Oh that asshole, this had to be one of Zim’s tricks. He was probably broadcasting the mind control music through the university wifi system, anyone connected would be seeing (and hearing) this. For a moment Dib was tempted to take out his earplugs, even just a little to hear what Zim was using for his plot.

He chastised himself with a laugh, that would just be giving in. If Dib was certain that this would be an issue that just solved itself eventually, Dib needed to get to someplace that he could consider safe. This room was good as it’s doors were lockable and had no windows, but it was also basically a chokepoint. If Zim figured out he was in here, then the little insect could just wait outside the doors for Dib to come out and get him then. And Dib would need to leave eventually. He could probably get his phone to stop showing this dumb video if he really tried, but relying on technology to track the enemy’s movements would just leave him vulnerable to another attack. 

Dib needed the higher ground, physically. Some sort of tangible advantage. Higher ground. Oh. The thought struck him like a lightning bolt and Dib slapped his fist against his open palm. Perfect!

Dib put his phone back in his bag and slung it across his shoulders. Hesitantly, slowly, Dib inched his way to the door he remembered was closer to the building’s exit and put a hand against the wall there. The sound of his heartbeat in his ears was loud but steady as Dib waited to see if he could feel any vibrations through the plaster. He swallowed thickly, savoring what might be his last moments of peace before he unlocked the door and stole through it.

The hallway was empty, another small blessing, but Dib still jogged to the exit anyway. Speed was probably of the essence right now and he kept going at this pace until he was back out onto the street between buildings. Dib scanned the grounds, noticing a few crowds of people he probably needed to avoid but didn’t see Zim or GIR. Whether that was a good thing or a bad one, he didn’t know but Dib was going to take advantage of it. 

With a deep breath and a quick prayer sent out to the strangeness of the universe, Dib took off at a breakneck pace towards his dorm building. As soon as he got within about 50 feet of one of the smaller groups, they all turned to him, dead faced with hands snapping in time. It looked a little like how greasers are portrayed in musical theater. Dib chuckled internally as he vaulted over a car to go around the group, this was such a dumb situation to be in. Zim had really outdone himself this time. 

Soon enough, Dib was at the doors to his dorm building and he barrelled in, not bothering to stop and see if anyone was chasing after him. He took the stairs three at a time, stopping only for a moment in his room to dump his bag and grab the pair of binoculars that hung on a string beside the window. With that and his phone, Dib exited and continued his treck up to the roof. His dorm was on the third floor, meaning he had about 5 more to get to the top of the building and honestly that seemed like a few too many. Sure, Dib had done track in high school and was generally in pretty good shape, but another 5 sets of stairs for no reason sounded awful. Dib waited patiently for the elevator to reach his floor and then took it to the eighth floor. Once there he exited, as slyly as possible and crept up the last staircase that would take him to the roof exit. 

The roof didn’t have any speakers and a really shitty connection to the school wifi. Just as he expected, when he brought his phone up and turned it on, the video of GIR dancing was gone and he was able to navigate everything normally. Dib sighed a little when he realized that no matter how fast this was wrapped up, he’d still miss German today. Oh well. A sacrifice worth making. 

Checking out exactly what the roof was like, Dib found a section that had a blocky thing attached to the waist-high wall of the building. He’d say it had something to do with the building’s heating or cooling systems but this shitty dorm seemed to have neither of those in practice, so its true purpose was unknown. Regardless, Dib leaned against it as he tentatively took out his earplugs. 

The sounds of rushing air and faint vehicle noises were like a breath of fresh air to his poor ears. Whatever song Zim was using to control the student body, it wasn’t making it’s way up here and Dib could relax for a moment. He was careful to keep track of the earplugs though, in case he’d need to put them back in later. 

As Dib’s own heartbeat faded to a thing he couldn’t even feel anymore, he brought his binoculars to his eyes and scanned the ground below. The crowds of finger-snapping fake-greasers were still prowling the road Dib had run down, but they were now just moving aimlessly. Patrolling for him, most likely. Dib turned his gaze elsewhere, trying to catch a glimpse of the main quad if he could. 

Unfortunately, the main section of it was blocked by the Student’s Union building, but Dib could see a portion of its south exit. There, Dib could just barely catch sight of GIR in his dog suit, running circles around Zim. A few students were lingering nearby, but they were dancing along with GIR’s movements instead of following the lead of the others on patrol. Dib sort of recognized their general shapes as being the people who sit around him and Zim in physics. 

As Dib watched, Zim started moving like he was yelling and the little fake dog stopped running around. He couldn’t tell exactly what was going on based on their body language, and there was no way he would have heard what they were talking about. A moment or two later though, he saw GIR spin on his heel and run off before tripping and slamming headfirst into the ground.  As soon as GIR went down, every human that Dib could see in proximity also fell to the ground. Dib spun his binoculars around to check and, every person he could see at all was in a pile on the ground. Whatever tech Zim was using had probably been deactivated or with any luck at all, destroyed when GIR took that fall. 

It was done.

Dib let out a sigh of relief and checked the time. Yeah, German was obviously a no go at this point. He stood from his hiding spot and started the trek back down to his room. Still, though, Dib thought to himself, it might have been nice if the chase had gone on a little longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i got a little carried away this week and 9 got split into whats now 9 and 10, bumping up the total # of segments to 36 (with 13 written so far). anyways! God i missed writing action scenes, no matter how tame they are. When Zim finally sets off his plan in 10, I really got to flex that action-based muscle and it felt so good.
> 
> As always I hope you enjoyed these three scenes and two foiled plots! Zim is like a high int low wis character and I'm trying to write him as such while still having fun in the space. let me know what you thought of it!  
[Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


	4. xi-xiii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year 1 - January to Mid March

##  xi. 

The humans were all gone. Well, mostly all gone. There were a few still in the radius, including the awful earth-boy Dib, but all either spent their time in their room-units or off the University campus. The humans were effectively gone. Zim enjoyed walking GIR around the area. The chill in the air was exciting until he got cold. Then the chill was just cold and bad. Why was Earth’s weather so extreme? Couldn’t it just pick a temperature and stay that way the whole year? Like a desert planet or a tundra planet or a snowy planet. But nooooo, Earth had to be wishy-washy, and rotate between the temperature highs and lows. The fact that he had to deal with many climates in such a short amount of time was more annoying than anything else had been so far. At least there weren’t any humans around meaning he could stew in peace. 

There had been an Earth holiday just a few days before. Some sort of celebration marking the rotation of the planet around the sun, a party that took place when the human-made clocks rolled over from one day to the next. Zim could see why it was so important to the squishy humans to celebrate having not died yet. If your whole existence was spent being selfish and furthering your own goals, and all of your important bits could stop working at a moment's notice, survival was key. 

With the University so empty, there was no reason for Zim to be out and about. Nobody was going to notice him not being around if they weren't around either. He could do whatever he wanted. Even if it was uncomfortable, the cold wasn't so bad when it kept all the humans far away from him. 

Zim had already spent hours upon hours in the lab. He had let GIR mess around with a few of his inventions for the fun of it. He’d even spent some time familiarizing himself with the classes he would be taking when the school reopened. In short, Zim had done pretty much everything he was planning to do over the break already and now he was bored. Taking long walks around the campus. 

Maybe a change of scenery was in order. The best world invasion plans always came to Zim while he was on the move. When was the last time he had left Earth’s stupid atmosphere? Zim rushed back to his base and climbed into the voot. The escape from the limitations of  _ air _ felt so good Zim let out a rowdy whoop of excitement and an energetic cackling laugh. How the humans hadn’t gone stir crazy being kept planetside was leagues beyond him. Being able to just  _ fly _ through space was so freeing. Zim did a victory lap of the planet enjoying being as far removed from the stupid human disguise as was possible. 

Once he’d had his fill of just pushing forward in the Voot, once the boring repetitiveness of space came back, Zim turned towards the planet and just watched it. It was far removed from the rest of the Irken Empire and its people had little to offer to the megalithic totalitarian regime. Maybe this would be an advance camp? Zim would be the one to conquer it, so perhaps he would be given control. That would be nice, but eventually, Zim would want to go invading again. He had no doubt that when he had finished with Earth, it would only be a matter of time before the rest of the universe fell to his advances. 

As Zim sat there, reflecting on Earth, he tried to come up with new plans for domination. Most of the more recent ones had focused on trying to outwit or incapacitate the shifty, smelly, worm-boy Dib. That didn’t bother Zim in the slightest. Dib had proven himself to be the most capable of the humans and therefore he would be the one that Zim should focus his energy on stopping. If there was one thing his now-foiled plans had proven, it was that the rest of the human population would crumble the instant the Dib was gone. The idea of conquering Earth without somehow dealing with the Dib first was totally unthinkable. Even when the all-important final examinations were taking place, DIb had shown that he was willing to drop everything to come harass Zim. Only by the graces of Zim being required to also go to the exams to fulfill his human disguise did Dib manage to finish off his testing.

Besides, what good invader doesn’t have a rival, an arch-nemesis? Where is the fun in just being able to just do what you want without anyone even attempting to fight back? The fight is half the fun. The other half is winning. Or blowing things up. Maybe the fight was a third of the fun, and then winning and blowing things up were the other two thirds. 

Zim took another pass around the planet. 

Humans were so complicated, with their self restricting rules and the weird words on their bodies. Human emotions were so variable. Their language was similar to that too. Because there were so many  _ things _ that people felt perhaps that was why English was so full of heavily emotional words. Everything that related to love or family or friendship was hard for Zim. The distinction between person and place and object made sense, but it was still annoying. 

Perhaps that was why Zim didn’t mind that so many of his plots related to Dib. In English, Dib was a person and Earth was a place or an object, maybe. He couldn’t quite remember. In Irken though, they were both just things to be conquered. 

##  xii. 

Zim scrapped his PAK in the last junction by cutting it a little too closely. He was short, infuriatingly so, but at least it helped him get into places like this. If he had only slowed down slightly while moving, Zim wouldn’t have had to hear that awful, grating sound of his PAK against the slick metal vents. 

“GIR, time check,” Zim spoke soft, but commandingly. “How much longer until my class?”

There was a slight crackle, apparently, the university Computer Science building’s ventilation shafts did not allow for good passage of radio waves. “Heya Master!”

“Hi, GIR. Time check?”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?”

“The countdown, GIR. How much time is left on it?”

Silence. 

“The countdown I told you to start this morning.”

More silence. 

“GIR…” Zim ground out. The echoing click of his jaw served as a reminder that he couldn't yell while in the vents, as much as he wanted to. He needed to come up with something else, time was quite possibly of the essence. “What are you doing right now?”

“Waitin’ for the scary monkey show!” GIR’s love of the dumb show seemed to be Zim’s saving grace. 

“And how long until the scary monkey show starts?”

His response was almost immediate, the robot’s usually bubbly voice dropping an octave as he went into serious mode. “Fifteen minutes, thirty two seconds and 47 milliseconds. 26.13.”

Perfect. “Thanks, GIR,” Zim drawled as he basically hung up. He still had two more dispersion devices to plant, and both were going into the Interdisciplinary Sciences Center, the same building his first class was in. Fifteen minutes almost felt like too much time, this would be so easy. That flash of worry over time had all been for naught. What was the human saying? This would be easy like a slice of bread? Pie?

Whatever. Four earthen months was certainly not enough time to absorb all of their dumb idioms and colloquialisms. At least he didn't need to worry too much about his language skills this term, he had no English lecture to attend anymore. Zim was willing to do anything to keep up his disguise but if he had to read one more poem with uneven tempo and overly dramatic word choice, he was going to hit that BRB and that'd be that. 

Reminding himself of the current mission, Zim collected himself and scurried back out of the ventilation system as nonchalantly as possible. It was only a short jaunt back to the ISC and after ducking into a maintenance hall, he was back in the vents. After looking over the floor plan, this was the building Zim was most interested in. It always had large numbers of students passing through, the coffee shop on the ground level assisted that, but it also had a large selection of comfortable seating in the entrance hall and lounges. Therefore, he had the largest test subject base here. 

Even if it was only partially effective, Zim only needed to install the devices once. He could return and test the formula again and again until it was perfect. It would be perfect on the first try though, of course. Zim was just that good. He took a series of sharp curves in the vents that led to his class’ lecture hall, installing a dispersion device before moving on to a vent near the most used exit. He didn't bother trying to call GIR again for an update, if he was late to class then he was late. No human other than Dib ever even noticed Zim showing up in the first place, let alone the very few times he had been late to a lecture or skipped it altogether. Therefore, Zim was perfectly satisfied to pay careful attention to installing his precious devices. 

Today was just a test run, meant to make sure his chemical warfare skills were still up to snuff. The human biology was disgusting and complicated, but it should be easy to overtake as long as the Earth’s atmosphere didn't mess up his machines. He just needed to take careful notes and watch to see how well the aspirants took to the highly oxygenated air. Well, that and the human absorption rate. For that though, Zim was willing to just log numbers of humans asleep compared to time after setting the devices off. Maybe take samples from a few highly reactive people, but nothing too drastic. Zim had tested his formula against a number of human and animal samples already and found that generally, this formula worked without issue. Even better, if he changed dosages slightly, it would work as a poison too. 

Zim lost himself for a moment in the daydream of taking over the earth using such a product before installing the last device and hightailing it back out. He made it out to the lecture hall just in time to watch Dib walk in. Zim followed his routine to the letter, paying special attention to making sure he arrived at exactly the right moment. Keeping up the facade of the routine was key to properly executing this plan without interference. 

As soon as Zim had taken his rightful seat, the professor at the front started droning on. So much of the human schooling confused Zim because of how Earth specific it was. This introductory physics lecture was smeet’s play though, and Zim found his attention wandering just like always. 

Instead of his usual daydreaming though, the garbage-boy beside him kept drawing Zim’s gaze. Why was he fidgeting so much? The Dib kept scratching at the pink letters on his hand. Zim knew that the humans called markings like this “Soulmate” marks, the pink colour identifying it as a platonic marking. Colloquially, the Dib and the Dib’s sister-unit which bore the matching marking were referred to as “pinks”. What was with the scratching though?

“What in Irk are you doing? Zim insists that you stop, it is  _ annoying _ ,” Zim stage whispered with no small amount of loathing in his voice. “Your infernal movements are distracting.”

“What? Oh,” the Dib looked confused for a moment before seeming to realize what he had been doing. “I ate all of the cereal when I was home over the weekend and Gaz is mad at me.”

“Eh?” What did that have to do with anything?

“Well you…” Dib trailed off before getting a strange look on his face. “I  _ know _ you're an alien and all, Zim, but do you really not know how soulmate marks work?”

He hated that expression. It just reminded him of how innately alien Earth’s culture was and how if Zim slipped up even the slightest bit, he could be found out. “I know all about your stupid mating marks!” A student in front of them turned slightly and shushed them and Zim realized he had been starting to raise his voice. He schooled it back down to a whisper. “I know all about your “pinks” and your “soulmates” and how you  _ stuuupid _ humans think the universe dictates your luuv emotion.”

“It's more like cosmic suggestions but sure whatever.” The Dib-stink sighed into his hand.

See? Zim knew all about this. He couldn't help but think that Dib had been trying to trick him again with this scratching and rubbing of his knuckles. “You cannot fool Zim, insolent Earthling. Now explain the  _ real _ reason for your fidgeting!”

Dib absently rubbed over the letters again. “Once you’ve made contact with your partner, accepted them as a part of you, you get flashes of emotions through the marks.” He scratched a little harder, leaving thin lines of raised skin over the pink words. “Gaz is pissed at me, so it itches. That's all.”

Hm. Dib wasn't showing any of his usual lie-tells, so it was possible he was speaking the truth. Zim made sure he showed none of the interest he felt, scoffing at Dib and turning back towards the front of the lecture hall. Perhaps there was a way to use that in the takeover of Earth. He’d have to do some research on whether similar marks had been found on other conquered planets and if that had been at all useful. Perhaps it could be used to subjugate Human Leaders more easily. The Irken Empire could always use more workers for its various factories and construction projects. Expendable human subjects would be good for that. 

The professor continued to drone on and on, and beside Zim, Dib continued to fidget with his hand. There was no way this class was going to be bearable at this rate, too many annoyances. Zim retrieved his tablet from his PAK, pretended to pretend to take notes to placate the Dib’s suspicious glance, and then activated his devices. Immediately a low buzz filled the air, though Zim was confident that it was at a frequency to low for anyone but him to hear. The buzz quieted again a few minutes later, indicated that the full cycle had been dispersed into the ventilation system and Zim had only a few more minutes before humans would start succumbing to the sleeping gas. 

He took a moment to check that his connection to the school’s surveillance cameras was still active and recording. It was, of course. That meant that Zim would be able to focus his studies to this lecture hall for now and still be able to collect data from all the other drop sites later. Zim scanned the room as casually as possible, waiting for the first head to drop. 

The first person to go sat near the front. Probably in subconscious preparation, they had brought their arms up onto the desk counter and their head hit with a softened thunk. Zim wrote down the time and location, attempting to still act casual in front of the Dib. 

Not more than a minute later, a second student had succumbed. They began to drop like flies after that, nearly everyone else falling asleep in the span of about 150 seconds. That was pretty good for a hall with at least 200 people in it. He would need to look over the videos from the other drop sites to confirm, but it looked like this was successful in all regards. 

Zim had to admit he was impressed that Dib was the last one to go. Perhaps it was the human’s genetics being particularly strong (Zim had noticed some anomalies there that he had yet to investigate further), or perhaps the human’s eternal will to prove a thorn in Zim’s side rearing its ugly head. In either case, Zim was fully willing to admit he took great pleasure in Dib’s expression as he seemed to realize what sort of a predicament he was in. 

Zim also took great pleasure in the act of drawing obscenities on the human’s face once he had passed out. Nothing but good, clean Irken fun there, even if he had gotten the idea from Earth media. Zim capped the marker he had used and tapped it against his chin thoughtfully. Was there anything else that it would be useful to do while he had approximately 1000 humans passed out over five buildings?

…

Nah, he couldn't think of anything. Zim collected both his tablet and regular classroom tools before turning on his heel to head back to the base. All of the needed information at this point could be retrieved via his tablet. Such studies could be done from the comfort of his personal lab, there was no reason to stick around here. 

##  xiii. 

The base shook slightly as the booming thunder hit. Zim sat, sinking deep into the couch and tried to ignore everything. GIR was making it hard with his screaming from the rafters every time there was a slight movement. It made the whole thing  _ extremely _ uncomfortable and Zim tried to sink himself further and further between the cushions with each noise. 

A particularly rough one had the rafters swinging and GIR along with them on the many many mechanical arms that supported the computer system. The tiny robot tried to pump his little legs under him as his particular arm swung violently, but he only succeeded in dislodging it from the array. 

“WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” GIR outright screamed as he was sent flying before slamming into the wall behind the couch with a hearty thud. “I WANNA DO THAT AGAIN!! I'M GONNA DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!!!!!”

Zim’s spot inside the cushions was invaded by the small metal form of his SIR unit trying to climb  _ through  _ the couch to get back to the ceiling. “GIR, quit it. I don’t want to have to buy another new couch because of you.”

“Aw, but I love that new couch smell!” GIR’s face was playful despite what he was saying as he finished crawling up through the couch’s base. Zim sighed and rolled his eyes as his robot tried to climb into his lap. His eyes closed for a moment but that didn't stop the next flash of lightning from searing into his skull. The boom was near-instantaneous, and GIR became Zim’s momentary lifeline. 

Embarrassed, Zim pushed GIR off his lap as soon as it was over. He was not a smeet, he didn't need some foolish comfort to get him through dangerous times; Zim was an Invader. After only a moment to work up to it, Zim stood from the couch’s comfortable confines and begun the long ride down to his lab. This rain had never seemed to hurt humans before, but perhaps today would be the day he came up with a use for it. He stepped off the elevator platform just as another booming shake echoed down throughout the building. If he was somehow able to cover up the sound of it, Zim was sure he could block it out completely. He grinned to himself and got to work. 

Approximately an hour later, at least according to the radio show he’d turned on to tune out the storm, GIR fell through a chute in the ceiling and landed in Zim’s lap. Zim looked down at his robot, glaring slightly, before sighing and just getting back to work brainstorming ideas. GIR just watched him, seemingly grateful he wasn’t removed immediately. After a few minutes though, GIR’s attention started to wander and Zim could feel him getting restless. His SIR unit was kicking his feet and bouncing along to a tune he was humming, which was decidedly not the one playing on the radio. 

“What do you want, GIR?” Zim asked when he finally got tired of the robot’s antics. “Can’t you see that I’m busy?”

“I wanna spend time with you!” GIR grinned as he made the startlingly human gesture of opening his arms wide for a hug. 

“Uh huh.” Zim was fairly certain that that was a lie. “What did you come down here for, originally,” he tried again, annoyed. “Tell Zim, GIR, and maybe you will get that hug you so desire.”

GIR started nodding emphatically and looking around the room frantically. It was obvious he couldn’t remember what he had come down here for, but was hoping to find something plausible enough to get attention. Zim sighed and made a mental note to seriously consider upgrading his bot. 

When GIR couldn’t find anything to even pretend was his original reason, he started crying giant robotic tears. The sound of his SIR sobbing was blocking out the radio, just as a song Zim liked was coming on. Apparently the sweet lullabies of Lorde whining about her human dramas would have to wait for another time. Zim groaned mentally before standing up and retrieving his robot. 

“You came from upstairs, GIR,” Zim started as he picked him up, “so whatever you wanted was probably up there.” As he went to stand on the elevator pad, he angled GIR so they were facing one another and gave him a little shake. “You  _ will _ leave me alone after this GIR! Zim is doing important work! For the mission!”

GIR nodded, eyes still leaking slightly. “Okaaayyyyy.”

When they reached the main level of the base, Zim was pleased to find that it wasn’t constantly thundering anymore. Unfortunately, the rain had seriously picked up and was whipping against the door and windows. That was worse in Zim’s opinion. He dropped GIR to the floor and told him to go find whatever he had wanted to show him in the first place. 

The base echoed with the sound of rain as GIR ran around picking things up before shaking his little head and tossing them over his shoulder. Zim couldn’t help but feel on edge as the rain came down in torrents and he swore that he could still hear thunder, see flashes of lightning in the distance.

Despite knowing he’d hate whatever he saw, Zim wandered towards one of the front windows while avoiding GIR’s thrown projectiles. He did indeed hate what he saw there. “GIR!”

The little robot sprinted over and climbed Zim’s body like a tree, trying to see what Zim was yelling about. “What’s up, masta?”

Outside, shambling horridly on the empty sidewalks was a terrifyingly pitiful creature. It was humanoid in shape, mostly upright and having a normal number of limbs. It was also made of mud, twice the height of the average human, broader than a car is long, and seeming to melt under the massive rain. 

“No!!!” Zim pressed himself up against the window, straining to see the whole street through its small portal. “No, it’s too early!! It hasn't finished incubating!”

GIR leaned forward as well from his position on Zim’s head. “Oh! That’s what I wanted ta show you! The plant men are walking around!”

Indeed all four of Zim’s “plant men”, new lackeys he was planning on testing out next week were up and about right now. Not a single one looked as though it had finished it’s cycle in the ground, which would have hardened that mud into something stiffer and more clay-like. 

It was all the stupid rain! Zim had put the creature’s incubation timers and “hatching” mechanisms on a clock based around ambient water content. The rain had messed with the timer and released them too early! Zim wanted to throw something at a wall as he watched one of the limbs on the closest slough off due to the rain. Why hadn’t he remembered the stupid earth’s insufferable weather cycles? 

It made him want to scream. This awful terrible planet was the worst place in the galaxy. Every moment here was torture. Zim’s jaw clenched and his spooch hammered violently. He wanted to scream  _ so _ bad. 

And so he did. “FUCK!”

Hm. That actually felt pretty good. 

Zim watched another limb come crashing down, exploding into a puddle of mud on the sidewalk. He tried it again. 

“FUCK.”

Yeah, honestly, that was reliving. He could see why the humans said it so often. Zim was distracted enough by this new revelation that he barely even noticed GIR jumping down, throwing the door open, and sprinting outside to play in the mud pile. He tried it one more time, more quietly now, as he moved away from the open door and the burning rain it was allowing through.

“Hm. Fuck.” Yes, he did quite like that. Zim turned back towards the window and watched GIR start rolling around in the muck. It was going to be awful to clean that gunk out of GIR’s head later, but at this point, he couldn’t find it within himself to care too much. Sure this plan was ruined for now, but they both still got something from today. 

All in all, it was a success for Zim. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope that the unexpected week gap wasn't too hard. Thanks for your patience while I was dealing with _midterms_, they all went pretty well! This chapter is mostly character exploration, me trying to get a handle on who Zim is in this AU, since i've already decided Dib is just a Slightly less unhinged version of his regular self. 
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoyed, XI: Zim is Gay, XII: Zim makes sleep medicine, and XII: Zim Says Fuck. Kiss
> 
> [Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


	5. xiv-xv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year 1 - Late April to Early July

##  xiv. 

Gaz was sitting at the kitchen table Monday morning, enjoying a hearty bowl of some sugary junk she had to hide from her brother over the weekend while he was home. The morning had been slow and she wasn’t going to break that pace. There were only a few months left in the school year and then she’d be done with high school. Forever. It almost felt like it was a disappointment for things to end like this: without having challenged her once. 

While she was contemplating just how poorly this concept of schooling challenged her, the door to the basement swung open and her father walked out. “Gazlene! Why are you not at school? It’s already -” He paused to check his wrist for a watch, despite there not being on. “Ah, well, it’s surely school-time.”

“Dad,” Gaz started as she shoveled more cereal gracelessly into her mouth. “You wanted me to help Dib cart all his shit home today, remember?”

Membrane paused in his path towards the fridge to go rummaging. “Oh yes. I did, didn’t I. Well, you make sure that you are keeping up with your studies.” He resumed his path, found whatever he had been looking for and started back towards the door to the basement lab. “And keep your brother out of trouble today!”

Gaz got another spoonful of her breakfast and watched as her father left without another word. She sighed and finished her food before returning to her room to get ready for her day. It only took another half hour for her brother to show up in his dirty-as-shit nissan leaf. He was fairly focused on getting things together, so it didn’t take long for him to corral Gaz into the car. She was sure to grab her game slave before getting shoved into the space full of old disposable coffee cups and food wrappers.

“Doesn’t Dad pay for you to be on a meal plan?” Gaz asked as she tossed a handful of garbage into the back seat. 

Dib shrugged as he pulled out from their neighborhood and headed back towards the University. “He can afford the Chicky Lickey allowance  _ and _ the meal plan, so who cares.”

Despite how Gaz felt towards Dib’s treatment of their dad, she had to admit he had a point there. She shrugged, pulled her phone out of her pocket, and kicked her feet up on the dash for the rest of the short drive.

Gaz had been sitting on Dib’s shitty mattress for approximately 45 minutes before Dib actually said anything of consequence. 

“I think Dad should make you the heir to the labs.”

“Yeah, and?” Gaz didn’t bother to pause her game, she just tossed some garbage off the bed onto where her brother was sitting below. 

Dib leaned back against the frame of the bed and started making convoluted gestures with his hands. “I just think that you’re the much better choice, Gaz. You actually  _ like _ all this science-y stuff, you’re the favourite, and you’re not constantly trying to fight him.”

Gaz kicked a bunch of things that had been sorted and folded back down onto her brother’s head. “Do you think any of that actually matters to him? You’re supposed to  _ be _ him and he’s not going to let up on it that easily, Dib-shit.”

She watched out of the corner of her eyes as Dib fell back, lying on the ground. She got a flash of emotion from him at just that moment and it, coupled with how already mildly distracted she was, lead to her dying in the game. Gaz let out a frustrated noise and very pointedly dropped something directly onto Dib’s sternum while he was distracted.

He shot up like a spring, crying out in pain. “Aoow! Gaz! The fuck was that for?”

Hm. That was a bit better, at least he wasn’t moping quite as much anymore, but she still died and it was his fault. Gaz sat up, mirroring Dib’s position before reaching out and giving his head a decent whap. “You’re annoying me. I’m going to go get a drink.”

Without another word (a habit she picked up from their father), Gaz got up and left Dib’s dorm. The nearest drink place was coffee shop just across the road, but she could always just go to the basement of the dorm building and use some of Dib’s food credits. As funny as it might be to break into the food lounge while impersonating her brother, Gaz remembered how shit the coffee was last time she had been there. She shrugged to herself and left Dib’s dorm building.

The very short distance between the dorm and the coffee shop was full of cars, pedestrians, and the sweltering summer air. Gaz wove between a crowd of people to get to the crosswalk, annoyed that there were still so many people on campus. Wasn’t it expected that most everyone pack up and leave last week? Why were there so many stragglers?

When she finally managed to get inside the building, the blessed cold air was the only thing keeping her anger quelled. She stood in line, fantasizing about the future cold beverage that she’d be blessed with. Gaz fished out a card to pay with and felt the last of her annoyance with her brother fade by the time the first drops of ice-cold mocha frap hit her lips. Gaz was in an objectively better mood when she exited the overpriced coffee shop and turned to head back to where her brother was probably moping.

Before crossing the road, Gaz made eye contact with a figure she vaguely recognized. Well, and his skin was green. Hard to miss that one, even if Gaz hadn’t been on campus in the past few months. She watched as Zim crossed the street ahead of her, but going in the same direction. She had nearly caught up to him and his fake dog (which Dib had mentioned was actually a small robot?) when Zim stopped to look at something on his phone. 

Gazlene Membrane was proud of two things: 1. That she didn’t give a shit, ever; and 2. That even when she didn’t give a shit, usually she found out anyways. Therefore it was no surprise that once she had safely finished crossing the road to get back into Dib’s dorm building, Zim was yelling about whatever email he had received. 

“WHAT? Those disgusting monkeys! Bottom-feeding worms! Insolent Pig-beasts!” Zim crowed and stomped. The crowd around him flowed like water but split far enough that he wasn’t in danger of getting trampled. “How  _ dare _ they give the magnificent Zim only a C?? Zim is an A student! A plus even! Surely leagues better than everyone else!”

Gaz skirted around him along with the rest of the crowd. She watched for a few minutes longer as the poorly-disguised alien continued to throw a temper tantrum right there in the public pathway. Eventually, the robot-in-disguise had managed to calm it’s master down (Seriously, was nobody noticing that that was in no way a real dog?) and Gaz just went inside. When she got back up to Dib’s room, she was unsurprised to see him still lying on the floor. 

Gaz slurped her drink obnoxiously and kicked at him as she retook her place on his shitty bed. “I’m guessing you did something to have Zim graded wrong. He was just outside shouting about it.”

Dib chuckled slightly, his downtrodden expression being overrun. “Haha, yeah. I just changed his final grades for a few classes in the admin system.”

Gaz wasn't particularly interested in hearing why, so she didn't respond as she got comfortable again. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes but the silence was comfortable. 

Eventually Dib sat up and sighed. “I guess I should get to packing, huh.”

“Yeah.” Gaz switched her game slave back on, ready to give the boss battle another attempt. “You should probably get this over with.”

Gaz never outright refused to help Dib with his packing, but nevertheless she didn't touch anything till it was already in a box in Dib’s car. Instead of assisting in any worthwhile manner, she just hung out. When they got back to the family home, Gaz put away her handheld console and picked up a few smaller things from the car to carry up to Dib’s room. Once she got there, she set up house on his bed in this room and refused to move.

“Why even bother, Gaz?” Dib asked between bringing up the box holding his books and the suitcase with the last of his clothes. “It almost seems like you’re avoiding Dad.”

“I  _ am _ avoiding Dad.” She answered. If Dib had been paying any attention when he was home recently he probably would have noticed that she’d been avoiding their father for a few days now. It’s way too much pressure. He should just trust her to make the sort of good choices she’s always made. “He’s trying to force me to decide all my courses ahead of time. And what dorms I’d like to stay in. And what Professor I want to do my grad studies under.”

He shrugged and left to go get more things from his car. She wasn’t surprised that Dib didn’t want to bring that back up right away. When they were kids, he would give his gut response and she’d punch him. Mostly because she’d have had the same gut response, but managed to think it through for long enough to not sound like an asshole or to realize that plan wouldn’t work.

When Dib finally brought up the last of his stuff, he dropped on the floor with a heavy thunk and basically collapsed into his desk chair. “What if you didn’t stay in the dorms?”

Gaz raised an eyebrow, curious as to what he was implying. 

“Look, what if I applied for one of the apartment-style dorms. You could stay over whenever you don’t feel like coming all the way home, but you wouldn’t be forced to be there the whole time.”

Gaz paused her game, in the middle of a battle, to look her brother in the eye. That would be… surprisingly kind of him. They would see each other on weekends, but Dib never really did anything other than tinker on shit in his room and ignore her. “Only if you stop being so obsessive over Zim.”

“I’m not obsessive!” Dib threw up his hands. He started muttering to himself but Gaz didn’t bother to try to decipher it. 

“Yeah, you are. And it’s really annoying. Do you remember when we used to hang out?” Gaz closed her game slave and stood up from the bed. “So sure, that’d be a really good brotherly thing for you to do. But if put up another one of those fucking conspiracy maps, I’ll kill you, snot-brain, and tell Dad you’re still obsessed with all the dumb supernatural shit.”

Gaz didn’t bother to look back at her brother as she stalked out of his room and slammed the door. She wasn’t actually particularly mad. The explosive annoyance was resolved the moment she heard that slamming noise. She wouldn’t go back in though, that would defeat the purpose of the door slam. Instead, Gaz went downstairs, plugged her game slave into the TV, and waited for when Dib would come downstairs, apologize in his shitty halfhearted way, and then offer to pay for pizza for dinner. 

You know, once they were back to normal, she might actually take him up on that possible dorm solution. The pizza apology would be accepted every time forever. And if Zim ever bothered to become a real threat, she wouldn’t let him try to take it on alone. 

Gaz gave her baby pink soulmate a light scratch as she started up her game. It would only be a matter of time.

  
  


##  xv. 

Invader Zim, member of the Irken Elite, was sitting in his deepest sub-basement lab trying to figure out what in the world he should do next. It wasn't that he didn't have ideas, Zim had plenty, but for some reason he just couldn't work up the will power to put them into action. He sat even now with many holograms showing blueprints or display screens showing things he needed to put the  _ slightest _ more work into but instead Zim had his feet up on the lab counter. 

Since the “term” had ended at the university in town, there was no set routine of human interaction that Zim had to follow. He had been excited to focus his time on reviewing his plans and machines for world domination and human research. Despite that, doing anything more than flipping through the multiple surveillance cameras around his neighbourhood and across town seemed like too much work for what it was worth. He had been meaning to refine his sleeping gas into something that was faster acting, or to rework the mind control music into something more universal. Both projects had sat untouched for days now at least. 

Zim was just about to swap surveillance cams when there was a slight rumbling from above him. He only got the slightest warning before his robot had dive-bombed into his lap. 

“Heya Masta!” GIR smiles up at him with big blue mechanical eyes. 

“What do you want, GIR?” Zim shoved the little thing off of him and noticed with annoyance that his lap was now damp. 

“My head’s buzzin’!” GIR swung his head from side to side. “Buzz buzz!”

Ew. Zim beckoned GIR to come back to him. “Ugh. Zim will remove the bees, now come here.” 

Obediently, GIR came to stand right beside his master’s seat and didn't move as Zim opened up his top cavity. The inside was filled with water, which immediately spilled onto Zim’s gloves as GIR moved. 

“Eh? This, this is not bees!” Zim kicked at GIR, letting all the water drain out onto the floor. “GIR!” Zim was seething. “What were you doing to get all this … this,  _ wateeeer _ in your head?”

GIR collapsed onto the floor and began to roll around in the puddle pitifully. “Nothiiiiiin’.”

Zim carefully wiped his soaked gloves off on his chair’s cushion before standing and stripping off the wet and slightly burning tunic. “Are you  _ surrrrrrrrre _ ?” It came out in distressed purr as he tried to remove any remaining liquid from his person.

The puddle on the ground spread further as GIR continued to roll around in it. Zim sidestepped his robot to hit a few keys on a floating tablet. Only a moment later, he was reviewing the surveillance cam footage of the back yard. Just as expected, there was GIR playing in the sprinkler despite being told  _ repeatedly _ not to do that. Zim looked between the mess on the floor and the screen in front of him.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” he muttered. “GIR! Stand up. Zim is going to  _ fix _ that broken compliance software you have.” 

GIR did as he was told, but looked as if he was about to cry. Zim ignored this as he carefully reached down into GIR’s still open head cavity and attached a number of cables from the computer array to it. 

“Computer, open GIR’s programming screen on tablet A2.” The floating tablet closest to Zim had it’s screen turn black for a moment before the computer, groaning all the while, brought up the requested screen. Zim kept a gloved hand inside GIR’s open head, adjusting cables or checking wiring by touch while he navigated the screen with his other hand. The lab was quiet other than Zim’s quiet sounds of confusion or understanding while he looked for the correct series of codes. Gir was busy playing with his hands, probably enjoying the sensation of having his brain searched through. Zim had no doubt if he tried to shut the little thing down while he worked, GIR would throw another tantrum.

When Zim finally found the correct section, he extracted himself and took a step back from GIR, tablet in hand. “Now, how are you feeling? Do you wish to follow my every command to the letter? Would you  _ follow  _ your master to the ends of the universe, GIR?”

GIR’s eyes turned blood red as he nodded fervently, but faded back to their normal blue-green hue almost immediately. Zim nodded to himself and highlighted the input he was about to change. Before he did though, he decided to ask another question to form a better baseline. “What is the best method for completing the mission?”

“TACOS! LOTTSA TACOS!” GIR responded immediately. After a moment, GIR tried to stand and walk towards Zim before the wiring in his head yanked him back to the lab’s computer. “Aww.”

Zim boosted the input to double its original state. “Okay, now what is the best thing for the mission?”

The robot sat up straight and his eyes turned red, but didn’t fade back for a few long seconds. “Complete devotion of your  _ friennnndssss _ ! Yous a’ my friend, Master!”

Zim nodded and adjusted the code again, boosting it again by a factor of two. “Again. Tell Zim what the mission needs.”

GIR stood and saluted before speaking. His eyes were the blood-red of a functioning SIR. “The mission could use better integration into human society. That way,” GIR jumped, excited, “Mary can’t interfere anymore! Nobody’d belive him! I wanna be a dog still!” The redness faded back to it’s normal blue-green again, but this was the longest it had lasted to date. 

Zim paused, intrigued. That had seemed like an interesting point to make, especially from GIR of all people. If Zim wasn’t in the middle of conducting an experiment, he probably would have punted them out of the room by now. “Explain.”

“Humans have five fingers!” GIR raised his small metal hand up and splayed the three fingers he had. 

Hm. GIR was right, Zim  _ had _ noticed that the humans indeed had five fingers. It seemed like only a minor setback, surely the “skin condition” lie would suffice but apparently this more productive GIR seemed to think otherwise. “And what solution would you propose, oh minion of mine?”

GIR shrugged and continued to play with his hands, and Zim had an idea. Once more he bumped up the compliance factor, making it nearly 10 times what it had been at originally. “Now that your obedience factor has been pushed to the limit, tell Zim what you think the solution would be!”

GIR, serious once more, stood up again, saluted, and moved to a standing rest position. “Holographic forms are the most time effective solution.”

“Good, good! Now, what else does this mission need?”

GIR’s eyes narrowed. “Compliance with Irken techniques.”

“Eh?” Zim looked over from the tablet where he had been inspecting some of the code further, to see his robot standing at the ready. 

GIR took a menacing step forward. “Records indicate PAK malfunction. Protocol advises returning to the Massive for PAK maintenance. The mission is the top priority.” 

Zim didn’t like the sound of that.  _ He _ knew his PAK was malfunctioning, it basically always had been, but Zim was fixing it! He’d been doing repairs for years! “GIR. Stop that.”

GIR took a step forward and for the first time ever, Zim thought he saw something truly competent in the shiny metal form of his robot. The sight that was reflected at him in GIR’s still red eyes was powerful, compelling, and perhaps a little frightening. 

“GIR! Stop that!”

The robot took another step forward.

Zim grit his teeth together and growled. “One more step GIR, and I’m resetting you.”

Unbothered by the threat, GIR advanced again.

Zim shrugged to himself and reset the compliance statistic back to its base level. While he would have enjoyed a minion who would be capable of following through on orders given… Well, Zim never did anything in half measures and it seemed like max compliance would be even worse than even the original GIR.

As soon as the code was changed, GIR collapsed to the ground and his eyes went the blank black colour of deactivation. The echo of metal falling on metal echoed in the otherwise silent lab. For a moment, Zim considered that he might have broken his SIR unit before GIR popped back up, eyes peaceful blue-green. While he still had the programming page open, Zim considered adjusting something else, but he shivered when he remembered that expression on his minion’s face. 

No, regular GIR was fine. He’d managed to make it work for this long with such an occasionally lackluster minion, Zim would be able to make it work. Besides, he had a great idea for making things even easier in the long run: a better human disguise.

What a great idea and totally unique and his own. Zim closed the programming screen, returned to his SIR unit and removed the cords from inside it’s head. As he did so, he started barking commands to the computer. “Bring up the tech Registry on tablet B5 and open a call to Vort on tablet A2. GIR, go play outside or something. Zim has work to do.”

GIR jumped up, turning his rockets on to go shooting through the tubes back up to the rest of the base. As he went flying off, the lab rang out with a shout of “I’M GONNA PLAY IN THE SPRINKERRR!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey I know it's a lil short but I forgot i have another midterm and I desperately needed to start studying for it, (if anyone has any tips to memorize the family trees in the Volsunga Saga hmu, i hate that theyre all named Sig something) so the last segment of year one is coming in the next chapter!
> 
> Year two is gonna be so good though, i'm excited to get to it yall!! Kisses from me!!!
> 
> [Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


	6. xvi - xviii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year One - Early August to Year Two - Late September
> 
> Hey a quick warning for xviii, there is some very brief violence and like A sentence of what might be gore in that. it's a zombie-fight segment <3

## xvi.

Dib was sitting at his computer, dully rotating between four different websites, his handful of surveillance cameras, and the old swollen eyeball forums board. Agent Mothman had gone into retirement when he was fifteen, the first time Dib had given up a part of himself so that Membrane would make life easier otherwise. Being able to drive was really nice, but it made looking at the forums a sad, nostalgic thing for Dib. The only reason he was bothering to look at any of it today was that he was bored as shit. 

He’d already done all of the prep work for his classes, picked out furnishings for his half of the dorm he’d be sharing with Gaz, and torn apart all the shit he’d stolen from Zim more times than he could count. Dib was out of ideas on how to entertain himself. So here he was, rereading old forum posts, seeing what people were investigating at the moment. Nothing looked too interesting, just a few cryptids that people were trying to find as much evidence as they could. It was the same old thing again and again. He considered making a post about Zim on there, but he already knew he would have been laughed out if he did that. 

Dib had realized trying to expose Zim without something eyeshokingly present was going to be a bad idea that first month that he had been around. 

Shaking the embarrassing memory out of his head, Dib realized he’d been sitting in this chair like this all day today. And yesterday, and probably the day before too, but things were starting to blur together that far back. God he'd been doing literally nothing than this all summer! When was the last time he had bothered to shower? Dib forced himself out of his desk chair, avoided thinking about how bad his legs hurt after de-sticking themselves and forced himself to practice some sort of self care. 

On his way to grab a towel, Dib stopped to make sure he'd actually been taking his meds still. According to the little pill box Gaz had gotten him (while joking that he was three steps from being an old man, needing things like this) Dib _ had _, but he'd forgotten this morning. He took care of that before hopping into the hot water. While Dib was trying to refresh for the first time in a while, he made a mental note to thank Gaz for such a useful gift, and then punch her for being such a jerk about how she gave it. 

When Dib was done, he felt refreshed, sure, but he was still bored. He slapped on a pair of shorts and whatever tank top was cleanest (had it been that long since he'd done laundry as well?) and went to go find the one person he’d always have to annoy. 

She wasn't in her room, which Dib expected, and she wasn't in the kitchen either. Dib grabbed a granola bar from the pantry before moving on to the living room. He jumped over the back of the couch, landing with a soft think beside Gaz. 

“Finally disconnected yourself from the rolly chair, huh,” Gaz said without looking over from her game. “I was worried I’d have to hose you down to get you off.”

Dib laughed off the implied insult. “Whatever, it’s the summer. Who cares?” He opened and bit into the snack. “Anyway, what’re you up to?”

Hearing the question, Gaz did shoot a look in Dib’s direction, before shooting a hand out towards the TV. “Playing Splatoon, obviously.” She paused to focus while executing some sort of attack, Dib assumed, with what looked like her player character. “What do you even want, Dint-shit?”

Dib gestured lazily around the room. “Free space, dear Gaz. I don’t need to _ want _ to be here.”

She kicked at him, as was customary between the pair. “If you’re not going to help me, or even bother learning to recognize the game on sight, get fucking lost. I don’t need you distracting me from this match.”

Dib laughed that off too, and got up. Now that he had eaten something, was out of his room, and interacting with another living breathing human, he had to admit he was in a pretty good mood. That said, he was still bored as all get out. Dib made a point of walking in front of the TV on his way to the front door, which earned him a shout, and then he was pulling on some shoes to go for a walk. He was nearly all the way out the door when he heard Gaz yell one more thing for him.

“Hey, don’t forget to be back for 7:00! It’s your birthday dinner, and you owe me Bloaty’s.” Gaz was leaning over the back of the couch to keep a line of sight out the front door. “Happy 20th, Mothballs-For-Brains.”

Dib flashed her a smile. “Thanks, Gaz.”

  
  


The road to Zim’s house wasn’t particularly long, but the sweltering summer heat had Dib wondering if he could politely ask for a cup of water from the person he kind of hated most in the world. That was if Zim was even home. From what he could tell on his surveillance cameras, there had been pretty much zero activity since the term ended. Zim’s dog-robot-minion came and went fairly often but Dib was sure that it was just a harmless creature going out for munchies. Not that he figured the robot could actually _ consume _ all the food it was buying.

Nevertheless, Dib found himself preparing for the usual acrobatics routine through Zim’s front yard. The gnomes were already trained on him with their usual blank expression, but Dib knew the truth. He had more than a few scars from the shitty little things. After a deep breath and a bit of a running start, he managed to jump and weave enough to reach the front door safely. Dib knocked once, for posterity, and then let himself in. 

The home was empty. Not that it wasn't always empty, Dib considered, the place had the absolute minimum for furniture and decorations. What struck him as odd was that it was silent, no tv blaring or the echoing noises of labwork from below. Dib had only been inside a handful of times, either starting or ending with being chased around by Zim out of disguise, but there had always been _ something _, some sort of noise in the base. He just stood there, in the empty living room, trying to decide what to do next. 

Did he wait for Zim to come back? Did he go exploring the same spaces he’d been chased out of every time before? Dib didn’t move despite how much he wanted to. The more he thought about it, the more obvious the choice was, but yet he remained still. Something in the air turned oppressive. It was hard to move enough to breathe. He was stuck, the indecision holding him hostage. 

Before it got so bad he would feel faint, which he was sure that his predicament would lead to, the house started shaking. Dib was awoken from his stasis and dashed into the “kitchen”, preparing his fight or flight response. A platform descended through the mess of piping that covered the living room ceiling, and standing on it was a fuming Zim. GIR was beside him, holding one of the alien’s two hard plastic contact lenses, while Zim tried to extract the other and yell at the same time. 

“- and if she thinks that she, _ sheeeee _, can make such decisions for the great ZIM she is mistaken!”

GIR held the large contact in one small robotic hand and started climbing Zim with the other. As he climbed, Zim, unbothered, managed to extract the second contact and then flung off his wig with no small amount of drama. GIR took the second contact gracefully and slid back down Zim’s side. 

“When Earth is nothing more than a puny Irken Snack Outpost or something similar, Zim will ensure that that woman gets the most deplorable treatment. Grass clipper! No, snowflake counter!” He posed dramatically as the platform reached the ground and sunk into the living room floor without a sound. 

“Meat-Masher!” GIR contributed. “For my TACOS!”

Zim dropped the pose for a moment to look down at his robot curiously. “I’m pretty sure that’s just a cook, GIR.”

GIR shrugged at that and Dib could see something akin to adoration on his weird, tiny, metal face. 

Zim shrugged and began to walk towards the kitchen, and Dib cursed himself from 15 seconds ago in his mind. 

Why hadn’t he just left the minute he heard Zim coming back? Why was he still standing here, frozen again? Dib was pretty sure Zim had a back door somewhere, why wasn’t he trying to sneak around and look for it?

“AH!” Zim yelped, dragging Dib from his frantic thoughts and he knew he had been caught. Zim was staring at him in surprise from the entry to the kitchen, body contorted in shock. 

“Woah, woah!” Dib threw up his hands. He really didn’t want Zim to try and beat the shit out of him right now. “Not a threat! Chill out!”

There was a silent moment where they both just watched each other, getting over their surprise. Then Zim broke the moment.

“What are you even doing in my base?” Zim stalked over, pushing a very pointed finger into Dib’s bubble of personal space and yelling. “The doors should have all been locked!”

Dib swatted Zim’s hand away and glared. “The door was open, actually. Besides, I didn’t do anything. I was waiting for you to get back.”

“Sure, asshole. Whatever. Zim will uncover your lies.” Zim gave him a matching glare but then walked around Dib to the rest of the kitchen.

Dib turned enough to keep his eyes on the shorter, more volatile of the pair, but didn’t move otherwise. He let a little venom drip out into his voice “So where were you anyways? You’ve been missing all summer.”

“Eh?” Zim leaned against what looked like a fridge, underneath layers and layers of crayon drawings. “I’ve been busy, Dib-stink.”

“Oh yeah? Busy doing what?”

“Busy working on a new plannnnnn.” Zim dragged out that last word as if to taunt Dib with it. 

Dib shook that off, unbothered. His next question didn’t sound quite as bitter as he wanted it to. “Whatever. Why’d you leave the lab now then?”

Zim threw his fists up in anger, directing them towards the sky. “An _ advisor _! A lowly, stupid human, who thought she could dictate to Zim!”

“Oh. Something on campus then, huh?” Dib unconsciously wandered into the main space of the room to better converse, no longer hiding just inside the entry. 

Zim waved a hand flippantly, having recovered from his moment of grandiosity. “Hm? Oh, yes. The advisor wished to determine a course of study that would be most beneficial for me.”

“So what did they recommend?” Dib felt weird, standing in Zim’s kitchen, but he didn’t make any moves to leave. He didn’t trust the truth of what Zim was saying, and the only way to find out the real heart of the matter was to keep it going, right? But, he was genuinely curious to hear what the advisor thought of Zim’s highly eclectic interests into human culture or academia.

Zim shrugged slightly and climbed up onto the counter. With that boost, Zim was perhaps an inch or two taller than Dib. “The rude woman said Zim would likely enjoy ‘History’, ‘General Sciences’, and ‘Engineering’. Biomedical or computer science specifically.” Zim kicked his feet against the cupboards. “She did not enjoy that I have a _ wide _ variety of interests and skills.”

Dib laughed a little at that. “Maybe it’s because you’ve already received a full Irken education.”

“Obviously,” he agreed, without any venom. “The academy taught me everything worth knowing that my PAK didn’t already have programmed into it.”

Dib took a half step back to lean against the wall, nearly getting comfortable in the space. “So why is history in the mix? I thought you thought of humans as ‘worthless mosquitos’?”

Zim laughed at that and Dib had to acknowledge how different it sounded, when Zim laughed in a setting like this. “Your _ human culture _ is disgusting above all else, but Zim has to admit that such a squishy breed being so equally volatile is interesting. I wish to learn more about your human war tactics.”

“Ah, I guess. I’ve always been more interested in historical mythology,” Dib offered. “But to each their own I suppose.”

Zim hummed an acknowledgement at that but neither of them said anything for a little while. Eventually, Dib decided to speak again, if only to ask another question.

“So why are you bothering with college anyways? You’re an alien Zim.” Dib gestured to the physical form of his enemy. “Like, I get you’re here to wreck our shit or whatever, but you could be doing that from literally anywhere. Why settle down and go to _ school _?”

Zim leaned back and struck a sort of pose. “Zim is gathering information on you insolent worms. The best way to conquering and subjugation is learned through observation.”

“Hm.” Dib gave a non-committal response. He wasn’t sure if that was the real truth or not, but he didn’t want to say either way. He was supposed to be protecting Earth, not chatting with the person trying to defeat it.

The silence between them felt about as companionable as it was possible to, but that was fading quickly as Dib remembered where he was. Being in this place was so strange. He was seeing such a different side of Zim. Listen to them! They were actually _ talking _. 

Zim seemed to realize this around the same time Dib did. They both locked eyes before Zimjumped off the counter, lunging for Dib. 

He dodged, taking a diving roll and popping up in a stumbling sprint. Dib didn’t bother trying to get one last look at the interior of Zim’s base, he knew his enemy was hot on his heels. Instead, he kept his eyes trained on the door and barreled through it with as much speed as he could. The gnomes were almost an afterthought as Dib raced back out onto the street. 

As soon as his feet landed on the hard pavement of the sidewalk, Dib stopped and nearly collapsed onto himself. That was the fastest he’d needed to move in _ months _. Not wanting to give his rival the satisfaction of seeing him like this however, Dib forced himself to stand straight once more. When he turned back to look at Zim’s weird house, all he could see were two glowing pink circles, watching him from the window.

Well, he had made it out alive. And he figured out what Zim had been doing all summer. Sort of.

A nice birthday present to himself, Dib supposed. A win for him. 

## xvii. 

Dib took a deep breath and then walked through the entryway to the lecture hall he’d already spent so much time in. It wasn’t even for a physics class this semester, no those were sequestered away to the smaller rooms in the lower levels of the building. Instead, it was his computing science 174 class that was using one of the two main lecture halls in the Interdisciplinary Sciences Center. 

He had already received several texts from Zim alerting him to the fact they'd have this class together. Dib still wasn't sure how Zim had gotten his number in the first place, let alone how he had either obtained a human phone or hacked his alien devices into the human cellular networks. All the texts had come from an “Unknown Sender” but Zim had signed his name, so that didn't really help any either. It was pretty funny though. 

Knowing that they would both be in this class though had prepared Dib for what was going to happen next. He decided to not even bother trying to find somewhere else to sit, Zim would probably just make a scene or something. Dib walked in, sat his ass down in the chairs that were so familiar and started his usual countdown. Even if it was a new school year, he had no doubt Zim would stick to old routines. Dib had barely started when the squeal of a chair being pulled out sounded beside him. 

“Hey, sorry, uh, someone’s sitting there.” Dib barely glanced out of the corner of his eye at the interloper. He was too busy being arm deep in his backpack, looking for something that had fallen to the very bottom. “He’s, uh, got a bit of a temper.”

There was only a moment of silence between them before Dib heard laughter. Laughter that he recognized very well. “Hahaha, oh Dib-monkey. You think you know Zim well enough to say I have a temper?”

Dib looked up at the figure beside him, who had apparently broken routine just this once. 

There was no alien with green skin, an unfortunate looking wig, or glassy looking contacts. Instead, there was a regular looking late-teen/early-twenties person. Masculine features, but that didn't mean anything. Short black hair sticking up in the front and piercing lavender eyes. A hand (with slender fingers, 5 of them, the nails all painted black) slapped down on the counter in front of Dib and Zim laughed. Obviously it was Zim, this must have been what he was working on when Dib broke into his house like two weeks ago. 

An _ extreme _ blush flooded Dib’s face as he watched the suddenly human form of his enemy. Human and _ hot _. It felt like an attack. 

Zim carried on as if it was nothing, taking his normal seat and taking a notebook from his now much more realistically disguised PAK. He was looking ahead, probably trying to figure out which idiot standing at the front was the professor, oblivious to what he had just done to Dib.

How could he treat this as just a “haha, Zim broke routine and made Dib embarrassed” moment and move on? He wasn’t supposed to look that good! No! Bad! Awful! Kind of fresh doe! Dib put his head in his hands, only to feel just how uncomfortably _ warm _ his face was. It was all sorts of messed up. 

Blessedly, a moment later someone else intruded on the space. Pulling up a chair to squeeze into the narrow space between Zim and Dib was Gaz, with an expression as cold as ice. “Boys.”

It was such a relief to see her, Dib nearly cried with joy. Gaz would be Gaz, would be Gaz. With her around, there would be no worry about whatever this new development actually meant for Dib. He could ignore it, repress it, and all would be well. 

“Gaz, thank god.”

“Hello human peer.”

Gaz turned to both of them in turn. “I know you two just love to be annoying, but I come with a warning. Do whatever the fuck you want back here, I don’t care. But if _ either _ of you somehow messes this class up for me, I will kill you both.”

Dib had expected this, and therefore kept his mouth shut. Zim however, looked affronted at the accusation. Or maybe it was that some lowly human thought she could dictate his actions. “Who are _ youuuuu _ to order Zim around?” 

Something flashed in Gaz’s face and Dib was too distracted by his relief to laugh at how fucked Zim was about to be. Her eyes twitched, and Zim barely ducked back in time to miss a punch. Someone behind them. Probably another new student, gasped at the way the situation was unfolding. Dib did his best to keep the blood out of his face by laughing at the surprised squawk Zim let out as he moved too far back and fell out of his chair. 

He had to admit that the disguise, whatever it was, was extremely realistic. Zim’s hair was now ruffled, clothes askew on a more normal proportioned body, and his human-toned cheeks filled with the most subtle of blushes as he tried to right himself. 

Gaz grinned maniacally as she leaned into Zim’s space. She pushed herself in just far enough that he had to pause his climb back into his chair. “Next time, I won’t hold back, Zim.” She pushed back and stood sharply, giving Dib’s head a hard whack while he was still distracted laughing. “Don’t be an ass, Dib.”

With her threats made, Gaz left to go sit somewhere closer to the front. Despite their dad’s apparently boundless scientific skill, the genetic code used for Gaz had some sight issues he’d never been able to correct and glasses just gave her headaches. Sitting in the back was rarely an option for her. 

Dib rubbed at the spot she hit him and sighed. He glanced at Zim out of the corner of his eye and found his blush rising again, but he did his best to quell it. Gaz’s interruption was just the distraction he needed to clear his head. This new disguise would only make it harder to prove Zim’s identity and Dib needed to be in the right headspace to figure out how he was going to deal with it. Figuring out how to disarm it, if that was even possible, would require more knowledge on what it even was. Dib considered his options, weighing a purely technical display against more practical effects, and found himself tuning further and further out from the world around him. 

Dib was so lost in thought that he almost didn’t recognize when Zim leaned in beside him and started talking. It took a moment for him to start understanding what the other boy was saying. “The Gaz is much preferable to your stinky head. How did you come out such a disappointment, shit-brainz?”

As soon as he caught on, Dib refused to rise to the bait. He wouldn’t let this whole disguise thing give Zim the upper hand. Instead, he forced himself to laugh a little at the swear, something which never got old, and carry on like he _ hadn’t _ just been insulted. “It’s the terrifying charisma Dad made her with.”

Zim didn’t respond immediately, but Dib knew he wasn’t paying attention to the professor who had just started their lecture. There was something about the energy Zim put off when he was paying attention that was certainly lacking in this moment. Dib hesitated a second but eventually turned to look at his enemy. Zim had his weird tablet thing out, but his face was scrunched up in confusion. Seeing eyebrows and a nose on the face next to him threw Dib for a loop for a moment until his brain betrayed him and drew his attention to how almost _ cute _ Zim looked when he was trying to puzzle something out. 

Dib ignored it to the best of his ability, praying to whatever gods or goddesses existed, as well as every mothman or bigfoot ever, that this wasn’t going to be their new normal.

  
  


Gaz had just slammed the door to their dorm’s entrance shut when she turned to Dib with an expression of frightening glee. Two days later and it seemed that neither of them had forgotten what was waiting in their shared computing class, even if Dib had refused to talk about it and Gaz would never bring it up on her own until she had a plan. He watched her lock the dorm, doing his best to remain calm, and then turned to walk in the general direction of campus. 

“Dib…” Gaz reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, nails digging in when he didn’t turn immediately. “You’ve got a problem huh?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Gaz.” He could handle it. It was nothing. Dib hated hot people all the time. He just needed to remember what Zim looked like _ outside _ of his disguise and it’d be fine.

“I’ll sit with you and make sure you’re not distracted,” She paused, squeezing even harder on his shoulder. “But only if you pay for lunch.”

He shook her off. “There’s no problem, kiddo. I got it handled.”

Dib lied. It was _ really _going to be a problem. He bought her lunch after all.

## xviii. 

Dib was relaxing on the couch in the dorm. He had to admit that having Gaz around more often was fun, almost like they were kids again. The only issue was that he basically had to schedule his couch time around when she wouldn’t be in the dorm. Just like in their family home, Gaz seemed to have gotten a monopoly on the couch space and even here, he couldn’t challenge it. 

As time stretched on, Dib found himself sinking further and further into the well worn couch that had come with the space. He didn’t want to think about what had been done on this couch in the past, he wanted to be absorbed into it and _ sleep _. Really sleep. Sleep in a way he hadn’t managed to in years.

A buzzing noise dragged Dib from the precipice of rest, and the last vestiges of it disappeared when he noticed the contact name. Or rather, the signature at the end of it. 

** _ [Dib-Creature]_ **

** _ [I am loathe to say it]_ **

** _ [I require your presence - Zim]_ **

Dib screenshotted the texts and sent them off to Gaz, who was still not home. 

**[Gaz what do I do?]**

He had to wait a few minutes for a response from her, and all the while Zim was sending more and more texts to him. The first one dropped a street address, and then every single one after it was just a stupid fucking name. 

** _ [Boy child]_ **

** _ [Sad Dib stink]_ **

** _ [Foolish meat boy]_ **

** _ [Smelly worm]_ **

** _ [Are you not getting these?]_ **

** _ [Respond garbage boy - Zim]_ **

And so on. Dib shook his head at that and sent another text to Gaz, really trying to get across how urgent it was. After he had nearly texted her as many times as Zim had texted him, Gaz finally responded. 

** _ [just go see what he wants]_ **

** _ [stop bothering me]_ **

** _ [jerkward]_ **

**[but]**

**[you do realize what you’re saying Gaz?]**

**[He’s like….]**

**[asking to hang out or something >>]**

** _ [hanging out for you two is just shooting lasers are each other]_ **

** _ [smh]_ **

** _ [put on ur big boy pants mothball,]_ **

** _ [and go shoot lasers at zim]_ **

Dib sighed. His phone buzzed with another text from the aforementioned alien. Even if he blocked his number, Zim always found another way to get around it. Dib knew from experience. Sighing again, resigned, Dib opened the texts from Zim and scrolled up to get the address he was sent. Popping that into his phone’s map, set about gathering some things to bring with and giving in to Zim’s stream of messages.

** _ [Where are you shit for brainz]_ **

** _ [I am Serious Dib Moron - Zim]_ **

**[jeez fuck okay]**

**[Let me just grab my jacket]**

** _ [About Time worm baby - Zim_ ** **]**

**[Hey just so you know]**

**[I'm going to kill you for signing your texts]**

**[idiot]**

** _ [Bitch - Zim]_ **

He grabbed everything he’d need for any possible encounter and was just straightening his appearance in the hallway mirror when he stopped and realized what he was doing. Was Dib really just about to go meet up with Zim at what his map told him was the local graveyard? Was he really stopping here in the hall on his way out fixing his hair before he did so? Did these jeans do anything for his legs? Maybe he should change first.

…

“FUCK!”

Dib Stopped fussing with himself in the mirror, going so far as to fuck his hair back up. He looked at himself, glasses, fucked up hair, and the barest hints of the chin hairs he’d shaved earlier. Zim was his enemy first, and an alien second. The fact that Dib had looked like a loser all this time had obviously not been an issue before and it wasn’t going to be an issue now.

He stomped out of the dorm and jumped into his leaf, forcefully shutting his brain off.

  
  


The graveyard was not quiet when Dib got out of his car. The parking lot was completely empty other than himself, but he could see the shapes of people and the sounds of a commotion coming through the gaps in the exterior wall. For a moment he considered texting Zim, asking what the deal was when he heard a yell. 

A yell he recognized all too well.

“GIR!” There was a pause that sounded like Zim getting punched by something. Dib knew that sound well, because he was the one to do the punching. “GIR, pull the power source!”

In the distance, Dib could barely hear GIR yelling back. “THIS ONE?”

“NO! No, no you litt-ACK” Whatever was happening, it didn’t sound like Zim was winning. 

Dib chuckled a little, curious and entertained as he entered the cemetery proper. The door was barely open when he came through and he left it ajar just in case he needed a quick escape. The further into the space Dib got, the louder the commotion got.

Dib wandered between the few buildings at the entrance, and made his way to the area he was pretty sure he had heard Zim’s voice coming from. The headstones here were tall, with a few trees and complete statues or mausoleums. It was the bougie section, and it made it hard to see exactly where he was headed. Dib did notice though, the further he walked, the more the ground underneath him seemed abnormal. Uneven. Torn up. 

Until he got to the first hole. 

And then Dib reached for the laser pistol he’d jerry-rigged from pieces stolen from Membrane Labs and Zim’s. Gaz still had his pellet pistol, a fact he was kind of bitter about but he wasn’t willing to risk his head looking for it in her room, so this was the best he got. Dib made sure he kept the safety on but held the laser pistol at the ready. Just what the fuck had Zim gotten up to?

When Dib finally got to the corner of the graveyard which was his destination, he was appalled to see what was up. A crowd of the undead was surging around a small hill that had been free of gravestones, many more than he would have expected. And in the center of it all, there was Zim, blasting off zombies left and right with what looked like a higher quality laser pistol in his hands, and speering them with his PAK legs. GIR was much further back, messing with some sort of machine. This was almost the opposite of what Dib had been expecting.

Hadn’t Zim invited him here to fight between them?

Dib didn’t want to get too close, the stench was terrible and it looked like Zim had gotten a few hard knocks already. He probably had taken plenty more than Dib was able to see now, based on how slowly his PAK seemed to be regenerating these ones. This seemed rough and Dib was hesitant to get involved.

Unfortunately, Zim noticed him. “DIB! Dib, over here!”

“Uh, no thanks?” Dib called back, already noticing that some of the strays at the back of the crowd were noticing him as well. “Shit!” Dib climbed on top of one of the headstones for a better view and started firing into the crowd. 

Zim stopped spearing the undead for a moment, using his PAK legs to walk over the crowd and set himself back down closer to where Dib was. “WHAT? What do you mean ‘No thanks’? I have requested your assistance!” 

A hand reached for Zim’s midsection, partially made of dried flesh and partially just bones, and the alien deftly swatted it away before a silver leg was driven deep into the body it belonged to. The sudden movement left Zim slightly off balance however, it had been one of the two legs he was using to stabilize himself. Immediately, Zim was beginning to stumble into the crowd behind him.

Dib didn’t think, he just shot, blasting a number of heads which were all too close to his enemy. “Just because you asked -” Dib had to pause for a moment to jump down from his headstone perch out of the reach of an offending undead. “Just because you asked, asshole, doesn’t mean I want to help!”

Zim shot a blast dangerously close to Dib’s torso, but only grinned maniacally when Dib turned back to him. “But, don’t you see, Dib-smelly? You _ are _ helping.” 

Before he Dib could respond GIR was shouting to the both of them. “MASTA!! MARY!! I got it!”

Zim rose on his PAK legs as high as they could carry him and ran over the crowd to his robot. “Let me see that! Dib, take care of the rest of them!”

Dib stumbled a little on his feet. _ All _ the rest of them? There was still at least another ten! Zim might have been able to down one in a single hit but Dib’s shitty pistol took at least three. He jumped back as one of the aforementioned assholes dove to take a bite out of him. “Zim!! You fucking jerk!!”

Dib tried to aim a headshot on the offending zombie stumbled forward and collapsed onto the ground at his feet. It took a moment, and by the time he was sure he’d dispatched that one, another was hot on his heels. Dib risked a split second glance over his shoulder and saw Zim kneeling with GIR, them both doing something to the small machine. Dib’s focus was called back as a hand so dessicated it had only claws instead of nails dragged across his shoulder. 

“Ah, fuck,” he muttered to himself as he rolled forward to escape. “My jacket!” As he sprung back up out of the roll, he twisted to shoot some more zombie ass. Another fell before Dib’s mighty pistol. When he went to shoot a third however, Dib heard a terrible noise. The electric zapping of a circuit jumping was coming from his small weapon and Dib watched in horror as the connection point between the power source he’d stolen from his father and the electricity converter he’d stolen from Zim began to light up. And then continue to glow. He tossed the thing into the still very present crowd of undead before him just as it blew up. 

The shockwave sent everything flying. How had such a tiny little contraption done so much damage? Dib landed roughly against a headstone and heard it crack under the force. The wind was completely knocked out of him but when his eyes dragged over the scene before him, at least none of the zombies that were left were standing either. He tried to catch his breath, shaking as waves of pure _ ache _ passed through him. 

After what felt like maybe hours or maybe just seconds, Dib was able to breathe again. He started to push himself up using the headstone under him as support. He could feel some fresh blood and plenty of bruises all up and down everything.

As Dib stood, he watched Zim scoop up both GIR and the machine, and head towards him. The PAK legs he was still using to get around shone brightly in the light of the setting sun and Dib was nearly too distracted to notice that Zim was taking care with where he was stepping. Each leg was skewered deep into the body of a still prone zombie, entering and exiting with a noise that felt too crunchy to be real. At least Dib didn’t have to worry about getting any more hurt.

Zim came to a stop and let himself back down on the ground in front of Dib, holding the strange device under one arm and letting GIR climb up to sit on his shoulder. “Though I hate to say it, good work, human. You made a perfect distraction!”

Dib took in Zim’s too bright smile, too genuine. He’d been texting Dib to get over here for like a half hour before Dib had arrived. Had he been waiting that whole time just to use Dib as a distraction? What sort of idiotic, assholish, bullshittery was that?

Without much thought, Dib reared back and then swung with all his might. His fist connected with Zim’s jaw bone with a sickening thawp. “You… You fucking jerk.” He huffed, trying to regain his breath again. That had taken more than he thought it would. “I hate you, Zim.”

Zim took the hit like a champ, barely stumbling back and losing neither GIR nor the machine. He didn’t bother to say much of anything. Instead, Zim narrowed his eyes and turned on his heel. “You’d better get out of here quick, idiot, before your Human-Police come looking for the source of the explosion.” Zim turned to look over his shoulder as he walked further into the graveyard, towards the back corner he had likely entered through. “Nice job, by the way, exploding your only weapon. Good thing Zim was around to make sure you were safe.”

Dib wiped a line of blood, or maybe sweat from his jaw and spit out some more of the offending liquid onto the ground beside him. He didn’t want to stay anyways, but he would begrudgingly admit that Zim was right. He didn’t want to deal with the police now anyways. Dib slowly began to limp back towards his car and just counted his every blessing that he hadn’t lost his keys or his phone in the scuffle. 

The screen on his phone was cracked to shit, but he could still make out enough to type a single message.

**[im never letting you goad me into hanging out w Zim again]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guysss! hope you like this!! it got a little out of hand length wise and the last segment has Not been edited but you know what. I'm just here to have fun. anyways! I hope you've enjoyed the beginning of year two as much as I have! I'll see you next week with more! Kiss
> 
> EDIT: Forgot to mention that XVII is my excuse to make this lovely [ wherebears art canon](https://wherebear.tumblr.com/post/187958523780/would-dib-even-recognize-a-passable-human), it was too good to pass up. I saw it while still in the plot planning phase months ago and went ok yoink
> 
> [Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


	7. xix - xx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year two - Mid October to Mid November
> 
> xix is a haunted house so there's some brief descriptions of fake gore.

##  xix. 

Zim kept his mouth firmly shut as he followed Gaz and Dib in the small hallway. His superior eyes allowed him to see through the constructed fog, making it lose some of its edge, but that didn’t change the fact that the smoke helped form the atmosphere. He was absolutely staying in the middle, not because this place scared him, obviously, but because he couldn’t have a human accidentally grabbing at him and realizing his physical shape didn’t quite match up with what he looked like. There was no other reason. Absolutely none.

Hands reached out from the shadows and whoever they belonged moaned in that way only a dying animal should be able to. Zim kept himself from shouting and punching at the form only because of Gaz’s presence behind him. Why was he here again? Zim was an invader, a battle-hardened soldier. Why did he need to pit himself against this stupid gauntlet of human terrors?

In the half light from the next room, Zim was able to make out the form of Dib looking back over his shoulder and smirking. Right, that was why. The stupid asshole had said this was an important right of passage for humans. It was nearly an earth year since the stunt with the organs where Dib had lied to Zim in every way possible, and so he was loathe to believe the garbage boy. 

But, the human he did trust to not lie to him, had said the same thing. Gaz had agreed with the Dib’s dumb statement and that gave Zim some pause. She had no reason to lie to him, though he wouldn’t put it past her to do it for her own amusement, but every time they had conversed so far he had found her to be the most respectable human he’d met. Well - Zim paused his considerations as a screech rang out ahead of him and the Dib walked past unbothered - perhaps it was just that she was the most Irken out of any human he had met. Other’s held something similar to respect from him as well. But in any case, Gaz had agreed that it was important to upholding his human disguise and so he had allowed himself to be dragged to this “haunted house experience”. 

There was a far off moan and giggles and screams of other patrons coming from a corner a ways away from their group. His own human companions were chuckling occasionally, but not to the extent that other people were, and there was absolutely no screaming. Did that mean they weren’t enjoying this? Humans were the worst; he concluded for the umpteenth time. If they hated doing this then why would they? Why bother making it a rite of passage?

“What room do you think will be next?” Dib asked quietly as the trio entered another small hall connecting exhibits. These were walled in fully, likely running along the backside of other parts of the walk. Every hallway had at least one door within it, all marked with a small sign that read ‘Employees Only’. Dib knocked a hand gently on one of the doors, just under the employee sign. “It’s not like they’ll come up with anything unique, they never do.”

Zim knew the question wasn’t for him so he kept quiet. A very strong part of him wanted to start yelling about this terrible, terrible, thing they were making him do. About how terribly boring it was. Totally that, and not how he had to stare down fake but still disgusting gore in every other room they entered.

“I don’t know, did we get to the horseman one yet?” Gaz asked in response.

Dib chuckled over Zim’s head. “Haven’t you been paying attention? That was like the second one we went through.”

Gaz let out a disinterested noise that left Dib chuckling. It seemed that the two of them were enjoying this only for the snarky remarks they got to make. Zim moaned internally again at the fact he had been talked into this. 

After a few more steps, they exited the small hall and both of Zim’s companions groaned at the sight in front of them. It looked as if someone had constructed a plain-looking house hall, though it was blocked off like all the other “spooky exhibits” to keep people from entering. The wallpaper was yellowed likely to resemble being aged and two very small human smeets stood at the other end. The sounds of whispers came from their general direction and he had to do his best to tune it out.

There was something wrong with the smeet’s skin though and it took Zim nearly half the time to walk past them to realize that they were just realistic-looking dolls. The sheen was what gave it away but they were also much stiffer than any human young he had seen before. He shivered at the thought of them, standing there and staring, in positions so unnatural to their species. 

“Ugh, the Shining.”

“How original, using dolls for the twins. Lame.”

They both laughed and lead Zim further onward.

The next room which followed immediately after looked like a normal kitchen that something red and gross had exploded in. Zim had barely made enough space for Gaz to enter behind him when the fridge burst open and a mechanized form sprung forward. It looked like a bundle of clothes put together in that way humans said resembled a ‘ghost’. 

This room didn’t bother Zim at all, in fact, he scoffed at it just as much as his companions did. If there wasn’t any gore or a real person reaching for him, then it was fine. Zim was a soldier and an engineer, loud noises and robotic creations didn’t frighten him. No no, it was the hands that belong to a person he was expressly told not to fight back against and the reminders of the disgusting human interior that he didn’t like. Why did they have to have so much blood in there? So many putrid fluids. Ugh. Zim shivered again in disgust. 

They moved on quickly from there, there was another stretch of hallway before more of the small false rooms. Based on the size of the building they were in, one of the university gymnasiums, Zim got the feeling they were either just approaching or had just passed the halfway point in this “haunted house experience”. 

When Dib had entered far enough into the next room for Zim to be able to make out its contents, his spooch dropped slightly. Another one of the rooms that held people in their stupid bloody make ups. One of the figures, a real human employee was already moaning in that awful unnatural tone that made Zim’s antenna shake. His holographic disguise created no barrier against that pitiful sound and for a split second he found himself missing the awful itchy wig for the protection it offered his antenna. 

“You alright, bug boy?” Dib whispered after noticing the room as well. 

Zim’s next step forward also pushed him as close to the wall on the opposite side of the exhibit as possible. “Perfectly fine, stinky one.” He glanced over just as a second figure, tied down on some sort of table with false guts exploding out of them, began to whimper and beg for help.

Zim turned his gaze to the floor and followed after Dib silently. The next exhibit was another one with live persons, but unfortunately, it had a space on either side of their walking path. Taking a deep breath to gather himself, Zim puffed his chest out and looked straight ahead, boring a hole into Dib’s back with his eyes. They were in clown costumes in this room, but they still reached out for the trio and the lights were flashing here. He hadn’t been able to tell in the split second he had actually looked at them, but it seemed like the makeup was yet again, supposed to resemble some sort of viscera, despite it being clown themed. How original. Zim wasn’t going to give in to this shitty Halloween experience, he would get through it and he would make sure that he seemed perfectly fine and not uncomfortable at all. 

Being in the middle had never seemed better. 

Zim’s staring was interrupted when he heard Gaz grunt behind him. Taking the risk of seeing something he really rather wouldn’t, he turned just in time to see the human woman shake herself free of the grasp of one of the workers. It looked like they had grabbed her shoulders from behind as she had passed.

Gaz turned sharply and muttered something under her breath that Zim couldn’t make out. He caught on quick to what was about to happen next though. Zim watched with quickly rising glee as she reared back into his space and then swung with as much power as possible at the shitty worker in the dreadful clown makeup who had dared to touch her. The screams of far off patrons were the perfect background to the swift wallop that Gaz dolled out. 

In the month, month and a half that Zim had been interacting with Gaz to some degree with regularity, he had very quickly come to recognize that he quite liked the girl. If only she wasn’t so stubborn he would have called her a friend on a similar level to those he had gone to the academy with. As such, she was much too bull-headed to be controlled but that only seemed to make Zim respect her more. If she ever decided to pick a side in his endless battle with the Dib-monkey, Zim halfway hoped that she would pick his side if only so he wouldn’t have to destroy such a powerful ally. 

With all of this rolling around the back of his PAK, Zim couldn’t help but let out a quiet cheer as she leaned back to power up a second punch. He saw the flash of pink writing across her knuckles before she was diving back in for the next beating. This one met with an even sicker thump that had a very strong part of Zim wanting to hoop and holler.

“Oh, ouch, Gazzz.” Behind him, Dib started whining. Zim turned to see the taller man rubbing at his knuckles, covering his own flashes of pink text. “C’mon, they’re gonna kick us out now.”

On his other side, Gaz just grunted. She dropped the man in the costume, and he fell behind the partition out of Zim’s sight. “He grabbed me with one hand and groped with the other. You sure he doesn’t deserve more than 2?”

The man moaned in pain and let out a wet sounding cough. 

Gaz leaned over the partition and spit on his body. 

Zim would admit that he still was fairly naive about human culture, but he figured that surely this must be a time when a high five was appropriate. When Gaz turned back to both him and Dib, Zim held his hand out and was pleasantly surprised to find that she “high fived” him with little hesitation. There was also almost a smile on her face as she rubbed at the knuckles she had just used to sock the dude. 

From behind them both, Zim could hear Dib talking to someone and then there was a large human hand wrapped around his wrist, leading him onward into the next hallway and then out through it’s ‘employees only’ door. Instinctively, he tore his hand away, but Zim was put in his place with a solid glare from Dib before he could retaliate in the same manner Gaz had. He peaked around the tall human in front of him to see someone he didn’t recognize, wearing some sort of uniform and realized that Dib was right. This was certainly them all getting kicked out. 

Zim had to keep from cheering again. Surely getting kicked out mean that he had completed this human ritual to the highest degree possible. As it was, he couldn’t keep a grin off his face while they were led out of the gymnasium space. He barely listened while Dib tried to smooth things over with one of the workers of the haunted house, though he did find the poor human’s efforts amusing. 

“So have I completed your dumb human ritual?” Zim asked Gaz while they both watched Dib struggle to explain what had happened. 

Gaz looked at him and shrugged. “Yeah, close enough. What did you think?”

“Awful. It was awful.” Zim shuddered, before realizing that that might have sounded like a weakness. “Zim can’t imagine why you pitiful fools would subject yourself to something so  _ booooring _ so regularly.”

She snickered in a way that made Zim feel like she had definitely seen through him. 

Zim waved her off. “It’s such a ridiculous pass time. Truly a waste of precious seconds which you humans have so little of, with your inefficient lives. Just another sign of how superior the Irken race is.”

There was a long silent moment between them as the person Dib was talking to started yelling and he looked as if he shrunk in size. 

“You know, there’s nothing wrong with deciding human culture isn’t so bad, Zim.” Gaz stated quietly as she pulled out her phone, interest lost in her brother. “Maybe you and Dib would flirt in less annoying ways if you did.”

“We’re not flirting!” Zim screeched and immediately started stomping away from both Gaz and Dib (and the worker Dib was still being yelled at by). He paused for a moment to make sure he had the hand controls for his disguise working properly before turning back long enough to throw her ‘the bird’. Zim wasn’t sure why it was called that, but he had to admit that the rude gesture made him feel a little better as he continued to stomp out of the building and into the night. 

##  xx.

Dib had to admit it was weird for him to be doing this. It was fucking November, he was cold, and yet here he was,  _ walking _ down the road to Zim’s house. The dumb idiot asshole hadn’t shown up to any classes they shared all week and it was beginning to worry Dib. Normally if Zim was planning something that was going to take him away from school he would make sure to taunt Dib with it. There was nothing, not a text, not a note, not even a fucking email. It was like Zim had dropped off the goddamn map. 

He hadn’t bothered to drive just in case this was all a careful plot and something exploded again. Dib had gotten lucky last time there had been an explosion in Zim’s base, none of the flying chunks of whatever the building was made of had landed on his precious car, but he wasn’t willing to take that risk again. 

The sidewalk was empty and the front yard still as Dib approached. Before turning up the walk to the house, Dib took a deep breath and patted his pockets. He’d had to make a new laser pistol but this one was a bit more stable than the last and he was excited to finally have a chance to test it out. 

Dib made sure his pockets were secure one more time and then took a running start at the acrobatics routine that would get him to his enemy's front door. The sound of the gnomes activating had Dib give Zim a single knock in warning before stumbling into his front entry. Part of him felt a little bad about just intruding but the rest of him remembered doing this more times than he could count, and that part guided his feet through the doorway and kicked it shut before spinning on the rest of the room.

It looked like a disaster had struck. Dib had only been down to the labs once or twice and they were always generally pretty neat. It now looked like the labs had exploded up into the living room, or someone had swapped one of GIR’s jelly bombs out with posters and science equipment. It all had the same effect though, and it honestly took Dib a few seconds to even find Zim in the mess. 

“Hey, w - what the fuck is all this?” He faltered as he stepped into the living room, manoeuvring his way around a few random piles of mechanical junk and crumpled balls of paper. “Zim?”

The alien in question was currently standing on the couch, inspecting what looked to be a giant blueprint he had put up over the scary monkey painting. As soon as he heard Dib, he seemed to fall back, catching himself with his PAK legs. “Ah, eh, what?” His magenta eyes focused on Dib slowly. “You! Human-nuisance, get out! I’m busy!”

Dib ignored him in favour of rounding on the couch to get a better view of the blueprints. “Yo, what in the world? Zim what is all this?”

“Computer, why didn’t the gnomes activate! Why didn’t you warn me!” Zim came down off the PAK legs to shake his fist at the computer, standing beside Dib. 

“Do you want me to  _ stop _ tracking the Gilfaxi ship?” The computer retorted and Zim just groaned in response.

“No, keep tracking them! Zim will not stand for this threat on his territory!” Zim stomped for a moment before using his PAK legs again to inspect a particularly high portion of the blueprints. “Go away Dib-monkey, I don’t have time for you.”

Dib climbed up onto the couch, his boots sinking into the plush cushions slightly. From here he was still a solid foot shorter than Zim fully extended, but it put them on a much more even playing field. “Uh huh. No.” Dib paused, looking at the blueprint and the large structure it displayed. “I’m gonna guess this is the … uh, Gilfoshi, no, Gilfaxi ship?” 

He paused to lean in and try and make sense of the many markings covering it. None of the writing on it was written in any language Dib recognized and it made his heart pick up speed. A dull warmth seemed to spread from the center of his back as he scoured the page for any hint of the shapes that adorned his body. The realization that they weren’t there felt like a stone in his stomach and Dib had to keep from calling himself stupid out loud. 

“What language is this in?” He asked, trying to entice his brain away from bad thoughts with his genuine curiosity as to why Zim was so obviously stressed.

“It’s in Vortian. An ugly language but there wasn’t enough time to get a copy in Irken.” Zim leaned forward and tapped a cross-section of the ship and mumbled something in what was likely his native language.

Some of the sections seemed to make sense to him though. “Is this a solar turbine?”

“Huh?” Zim paused his musings and looked down at the human, who was still in his base much to his very obvious annoyance. “Of course it is. All Gilfaxi ships of this size use solar turbines.”

“Then if you’re going to target it, unless you’re planning on using some sort of explosive shots, you’ve got a better chance of dismantling it by hitting it here, instead of here.” Dib pointed at a portion near the engines just off of where he could see some of Zim’s red circles.

The alien scoffed in response.

“I’m serious Zim. This is way more advanced than any solar turbines that we humans have come up with, but like, my dad has blown up his fair share of them. Me too. I know how to make one  _ stop _ working.” Dib pressed, confident. “You’ve gotta give me credit where it’s due, space boy.”

Zim leaned into the print and continued to mutter to himself. Dib figured that as much as he could argue the merits of his idea, it probably wouldn’t matter. As it was he should be grateful that Zim hadn’t tossed him out already, it looked as if he was preparing for something serious. Serious and unrelated to his conquering of Earth.

Dib backed down from the couch and stood in the center of the room, just taking in the disaster that was surrounding him, trying to make sense of it all. The longer he looked, the less he thought he understood it. He was about to ask again what in the world was happening when the computer started setting off alarms. 

“The Gilfaxi ship has just passed Saturn. Preparing Voot.”

Dib stood, more than a little confused as Zim gasped and his PAK legs dropped him back onto the ground before he ran over to stand beside Dib. Then the ground beneath them started to disengage from the rest of the flooring and he was raised with the alien up to the second floor of Zim’s base.

Zim’s ship, ostensibly called ‘the Voot’, was something Dib had never gotten a chance to inspect at all. It had always disappeared from sight much too quickly. For a split second he marvelled at its rounded edges and bulbous shape before Zim was climbing into it’s already open hatch and Dib dashed in as well. The inside was just as full of slightly subdued pinks and purples as the outside had been, though it seemed even smaller now. 

In the rush of the moment, Dib pulled the hatch closed behind him and sat half on the single seat that was inside. It was a tight fit, but neither of them seemed to notice just how close they were, both too busy with the fact that the computer’s alarms were sounding loud in the Voot, even with its door closed. The roof to Zim’s base opened and without any fanfare, the Voot was up, up, escaping Earth’s atmosphere and ejecting itself into space. 

They had just breached the lower stratosphere when Zim looked over to Dib and seemed to realize that he wasn’t alone for the first time. Dib very pointedly kept his hands to himself and his eyes fixed on the wonderfully surreal sights ahead of him. 

Zim started sputtering, but still, Dib refused to tear his eyes away. It was as if ignoring the short firecracker of an alien sitting beside him would keep him from being thrown out. They breached the upper stratosphere and the possibility that Zim  _ could _ toss him out, even if he wanted to shrunk. Still, Dib let Zim keep his exasperation private. 

It wasn’t until they were well away from Earth, just passing the moon that Zim finally left out a dejected huff and Dib felt him sink back into the single seat. “Zim would very much like to kill you right now -”

Dib scoffed, catching sight of Zim in the reflection on the windshield. 

“- But we don’t have time for that. Just, don’t touch anything and you might just survive this.”

At that, Dib outright laughed. He wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it was the exhilaration of being off-planet, perhaps it was the confusion as to just what in the world was going on. Maybe it was the fact that Zim had never actually followed through on any of his threats of death. In any case, he finally turned fully to look at his companion in the tiny ship and had to stifle yet more laughter. 

“Are you actually going to explain what’s going on?”

“‘Are you actually going to explain what’s going on?’” Zim parroted in a mocking tone. “You are the bane of Zim’s existence! Why would you jump in my Voot without knowing what was going on?” he screeched. 

An honest grin broke Dib’s face. “Seemed like the right thing to do! Now,” he paused to shift slightly on the seat, trying to find a way to rest on it that was both comfortable and not pushing Zim off the other side. “What exactly are we dealing with?”

“ _ WE _ ?” Zim shrieked. “You think that just because you’re in here you get to help? What did  _ I just say? _ Keep you garbage worm hands to yourself!”

They were passing Mars, Dib noticed distantly as he just smirked at the green form in beside him. “Look, you have to admit we work well together! What about that thing at the graveyard? Or the projection in physics last year? Or when that building collapsed on me across town? C’mon you little bug, let me help!”

Zim groaned into his hands but didn’t say anything otherwise. 

Dib didn’t know why he was arguing the point so much. Maybe just to ensure that Zim didn’t try to turn around, even though he said he wouldn’t? Or maybe it was that they were in space, the place Dib had dreamed of going all throughout his childhood, and he didn’t want to lose the opportunity. Nevertheless, he kept his mouth shut because Zim was doing the same and while silence wasn’t a yes, it wasn’t no either. Dib was still endlessly curious as to what in the world was happening though.

They stayed like this for a few minutes further until part of the windshield started flashing red, a screen of shorts showing a warning sign consisting of nothing more than the Irken symbol. It was one Dib recognized fairly well by this point, and he knew that it wasn’t a good thing that it was being displayed in this manner. 

Zim’s face shot up immediately and then he was climbing over the back of the chair into the small space between the chair and back wall. Dib was about to try and stand so he could see what Zim was doing when the aforementioned alien kicked at the seat. “Computer, turn that off! Autopilot off! Dib, man the controls, and I swear to Irk if you get us hit I will decorate your street with your insides.”

There was only a split second of silence before the screen started lighting up again, warning signs displaying just before bright light beams came in that direction. Dib tentatively grabbed what was obviously the control wheel and made a few testing course adjustments. The incoming shots, because of course that was what they were, of course, of course, were spread out enough that Dib was allowed this brief moment to familiarize himself with what he was doing. 

The lights of distant stars and the massive shapes of the planets of his system loomed while he tried to get a handle on things in the smallest amount of time possible. He couldn’t let his brain be distracted by the vibrant hues of deep space or the magnificent brightness that was the sun’s rays as they bounced around his space. No, no! Dib had to be focused. What had Zim threatened him with? Some sort of disembowelment? Dib adjusted the course of the voot enough to escape an incoming shot and felt the need from somewhere inside him to whoop loudly. 

And then things seemed to kick into overdrive. From somewhere just behind and above him, Dib heard the gentle scraping of metal on metal expanding outwards and then there were beams of lights, pale pink, shooting from just above what he could see in the windshield. The shots from the other vessel were coming faster and faster now as well, and he thought he could almost make out a speck of light unrelated to the shapes oh his home system.

Dib pulled up and back on the control wheel, pulling the Voot into a steep climb before dropping back out of it just as fast. He couldn’t hear the sounds of the shots being sent his way, but he could certainly see them. There was something igniting in his veins, adrenaline bursting into action at the thought of what he was doing: Flying a ship through space just before the asteroid belt, avoiding being shot at, and working with his arch-nemesis. He sent the ship off to the side, avoiding a flurry of shots but losing the spec that had to be the Gilfaxi ship in the process. 

“AUGH!” Zim kicked at his chair, causing Dib to lose his grip on the wheel momentarily. “Keep them in sight!”

“Don’t kick me and maybe I will!” he shouted back. They both fell into an uneasy silence, too distracted by their own endeavours to talk, but at least for Dib, not distracted enough to keep his brain from running haywire. Why were they shooting? Why was the Gilfaxi ship shooting back? Well, other than that Zim and Dib were shooting at them now, but, why had they started it? And most importantly, who were they anyways?

The Voot was too quiet now. There was no battle music, no deep-seeded mechanical combustion, no whizzing of projectiles which Dib was doing a pretty good job of dodging, at least if you asked him. It was maddening how hard his ears strained for anything and only came up with the quiet, quick breaths and mutters of Zim in the firing pit behind him and Dib’s own heartbeat. The quiet almost made it hard to concentrate, but the adrenaline kept him focused.

After the first barrel roll, which earned him another kick from Zim for being clumsy, Dib had to admit his confidence with the controls grew. The enemy vessel never left his sight as Dib took all the incoming shot warnings in stride. He dared to even pick up speed, following after the Gilfaxi ship as it tried to dodge between hunks of space rock, ambient asteroids, or even doing a lap around Mars. At one point, Dib managed to dodge a long stream of incoming shots just as Zim landed a deadly hit to one side of its engine mechanics and they both let out a pleased laugh at the sight. 

“Nice shot,” Dib heard himself say. “Took you long enough though!”

Zim barked out a laugh and the temptation to turn away just to see what he was doing was strong. “It would have been faster if you were a better driver!”

Dib did another barrel roll, perhaps a little  _ too _ fast this time instead of too slow, but it was enough to keep him in his seat without much movement. The sounds of a glassy thwap, something hitting a windshield in the firing pit, made Dib break out into rancorous laughter. His hands left the wheel but at this moment, it didn’t matter much. Obviously they had won the firefight.

Zim climbed back out from the firing pit, which Dib still hadn’t seen and therefore wasn’t sure how it worked, and climbed back into the main seat of the Voot. He pushed Dib far enough to the side for them both to fit perhaps a little too eagerly but didn’t retaliate just yet. Instead, he stared out the window, eyes fixated on the damaged ship that was just ahead of them. 

Dib was about to ask what he was waiting for when another screen popped up and the computer’s voice boomed in the small space. “Incoming transmission, accept?”

“Dib, keep your mouth shut. Don’t say a word.” Zim turned to him and threatened with a hand bunched up in Dib’s shirt. He very quickly let go and turned back, smoothing out his tunic. “Accept.”

There was plenty of visual static, a blur and disjointed areas of colour or blackness, broken screen displays of all sorts, but Dib assumed that it was supposed to be a view into the other ship. Had Zim hit them more than once? Certainly just one blast from the Voot hadn’t been enough to do all this damage, especially if it was aimed at the solar turbines.

Before he could forget that he wasn’t supposed to voice any of these questions Dib was interrupted by a sound coming from the other side of the transmission. A voice, deep and throaty, started speaking. Its words didn’t make sense to him in the first place but Dib assumed that they were also slightly garbled from whatever damage the Gilfaxi had taken. 

Beside him, Zim’s face darkened. Dib watched as his magenta eyes came together in a tight glare directed at the center of the screen. He responded to the alien in the other ship in kind, mouth also forming the strange sounds that had to make up a forgein space-based language. 

For all that Dib was uncomfortable being unaware what was being said, his heart was racing in his chest still from the excitement of the battle and his curiosity towards this new language. Zim reminded him to keep quiet with a sharp whap to the shoulder. Dib felt a blush break out in embarrassment but he nodded and just watched the screen.

Zim and whoever was on the other side shared a few minutes of conversation before Zim reached forward and hit a small button. Dib watched as another shot blasted the side of the Gilfaxi ship, it’s viewport looking even more damaged. Zim laughed triumphantly as the other alien wailed slightly. He made a shooing motion with his hand, his voice still speaking the weirdly deep language but gaining a dismissive tone. The alien on the other side seemed angered by that, but the transmission cut soon after. 

Dib and Zim sat in silence, watching as the ship, now with only one working engine and a seriously damaged looking hull, slowly turned and began to navigate in the opposite direction. After long enough for it to become an uncomfortable silence, Zim pushed Dib over just the slightest bit more and took the controls in his hands.

Dib wasn’t sure what to say as they turned back towards Earth. Good job? Nice teamwork? Sick shot? His breathing was too loud in the silent ship. The recycled air suddenly felt thin. Dib kept his eyes fixed very firmly out the window and not on his enemy who was sitting so close their whole sides were touching.

Almost as if hearing Dib’s scattered and anxious thoughts, Zim reached a hand out and pressed a few keys on the dashboard. Almost instantly, quiet music began to play throughout the Voot.

“You’re going to leave my base  _ immediately _ after we land, got it?” Zim stated quietly, just barely louder than the music.

“Got it,” Dib quickly agreed. For some reason the blood hadn’t stopped pumping loudly through his ears. “I don’t want to be stuck with you any longer than I have to.”

“Me either, asshole.”

“Jerkwad.”

The song ended and a human voice spoke quietly before another song started playing. 

The rest of the ride back to Earth was silent between them. Dib didn’t bother trying to have any sort of conversation until they had both climbed out of the Voot once it had landed in Zim’s base. 

“I - I know I just kinda inserted myself into whatever the hell that was,” Dib started quietly, anxiety making the words rush out too fast as they took the lift down to Zim’s main floor. “But thanks. It was neat to be out in space.”

“Do not mention it, stinky boy,” Zim responded as the lift brought them back to the main level. There was the slightest shudder as it came to a stop. “Seriously, do  _ not _ bring this up again.”

Dib paused before walking over to the front door, curiosity bubbling up just enough to beat out his awkwardness. “What were we doing anyways?”

Zim’s eyes seemed to get shinier for a moment as he tried to look anywhere but Dib. “They were a Gilfaxi scout, intending on marking the planet for inclusion in the Gil treaty. I just needed to show them that Earth is  _ mine _ .”

A treaty sounded better than being conquered, Dib thought sourly, and he had helped ruin the chances of that. He sighed and waved at Zim. “Well, whatever then. Thanks for not ejecting me into space.”

And then Dib pushed back out through Zim’s front door into the chilly November air. The sun was beginning to set now, despite how early it was in the day. Dib risked one final glance over his shoulder at the neon green and pink building before hurrying on his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: i'm going to finish the stuff for ZADR week so i'm not behind, even if that means we lose a chapter this week.  
Also Me: is four days behind ZADR week bc i changed my mind on Friday and wrote all this in the past two days, and was already behind 😝
> 
> anyways I hope you enjoy this! big hype for slice of life <3 See you next week!
> 
> [Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


	8. xxi - xxiii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year Two - Mid December to Mid February

##  xxi. 

Zim would admit he was distracted. The bag of supplies he was carrying was beginning to slip from his hands, he had a paper to get the computer to write for him, and tonight was the night he was planning on doing his PAK maintenance. It was a mammoth of a to-do list and it was already late. Because of all this, he wasn't paying attention to the state of his base as he passed the gnomes and put his key in the front door. Nor did Zim notice the distraught wailing coming from just inside the building as he opened the door and stepped inside. 

It wasn't until Zim set down his bags of cleaning product refills and miscellaneous earth candies that he turned and saw the disaster that was brewing in the living room. GIR sat on the couch, wailing and rolling around in his own false tears. Zim wasn't entirely sure what they were made of, the little thing seemed to have no fluid containers and he wasn't ready to completely dismantle his only gift from the Tallests just so solve such a silly mystery. The entirety of the couch looked soaked with whatever it was though and GIR showed no signs of stopping. 

Zim sighed heavily and walked over to the couch. The robot didn’t notice his presence. He sighed again and crossed his arms, wondering how long it would take. Thirty seconds, a minute, five minutes, he’d started tapping his foot against the solid flooring. GIR hadn’t so much as hesitated in the whole time Zim had been standing there. How did he even have this much fluid inside him? Ten minutes turned to twenty and Zim finally lost patience. 

“GIR!” he shouted. “What in the name of the Tallests are you Doing?”

“CRYING!” GIR wailed into the hood of his dog suit he was wearing. 

“And,  _ why _ ? Why are you crying?” Zim continued to shout if only to be heard over the pitiful sounds of his robot.

GIR paused and sat up. As he did, the couch under him squelched disgustingly and Zim groaned. There was no way he’d be sitting on that couch ever again, he’d need to replace  _ another _ one. “Mastaaaaaa? Are we gonna pu’ up a Christmas treeeee?”

“Huh?” Zim baulked. He knew what that was, after a year and a half on this planet he wasn’t so socially inept to not recognize capitalism’s biggest event, but him? Participate? He didn’t care what GIR did as long as it didn’t expose them but this was pushing it. “Why do you want a stupid dead tree?”

“But, hooooow is Santa gonna know where t' put the presents without no treeeeeeeeeee?”

The soles of Zim’s feet got cold. He recognized the idea of “gifts” as being central to the Christmas tradition; a company would market a product to the mindless masses as “essential” and then those masses would purchase it for someone in their household or social circles. It was entirely stupid and entirely human, and GIR wanted to participate? “You want a gift?”

“I WANT A GIFTTTTTTT!” GIR started wailing and leaking his weird fluids again. 

Zim kicked at the couch, annoyed with the noise that accompanied this new development. The couch exploded at the touch, sending goop all over the floor and his boot. In anger, he kicked at it again, with his other foot, and Zim wasn’t surprised when it changed nothing.

The floor was going to be awful to clean but at least he had just restocked on his cleaning supplies. He restrained himself from kicking it a third time because it wasn’t providing him with any satisfaction and Zim resigned himself to his fate. Anyone else and he would have likely shot them into a sun by now, but GIR was special. Zim groaned again and picked GIR up from the sopping wet furniture. 

“Okay, GIR, Zim will get you a gift.” He made sure his holo-disguise was still active and then put GIR under his arm. The squelch of the soaked dog suit was disgusting. “Remind Zim to  _ burn _ that disguise once we’re home.”

The mall was a disaster of people. It was so close to the holiday that there was barely any breathing room no matter where you went. Every floor seemed packed to the brim and the elevator was out of service, just as a special surprise. Zim made sure his hold on GIR was tight, despite how gross it was. 

He wormed his way through many stores, slipping between the humans who were foaming at the mouths with as much skill as possible. There were a few times when he was certain someone had tried to grab him and several moments where he was  _ sure _ GIR did something unspeakable to someone in the crowd. Zim decided that crowds were likely his least favourite part of the human condition. This was the worst possible outcome of the day. 

Zim let himself be pushed through the crowd as he traversed the stores. He’d stop and pause only when GIR noticed something that could be his future gift, but none of them had felt  _ right _ so Zim kept going. He figured he’d know what he was going to get the squirming robot once he saw it. The longer they went though, the less worth it this excursion seemed. He moved the slightly squishy form of GIR from under his arm and held him so they were face to face.

“Why am I doing this for you?” Zim questioned his robot seriously. “Why did you convince me to do this? Justify yourself to me.”

GIR blinked sweetly and gave Zim a classic puppy-dog smile. “‘Cus you loooooooove me?”

Zim baulked and looked away. “I do  _ not _ . Zim is an  _ Invader _ , GIR, and Invaders don’t feel looooooooove. It only gets in the way of the mission.”

In his arms, GIR immediately started wailing.

Oh, Zim thought, right.  _ That _ was why he was doing this. He tucked GIR back under his arm and gave him a stern shushing. “Fine, hush, I will get you a gift. Just be quiet. You are making the humans look at us. I won’t let you give us away GIR.” Zim turned and looked over the expanse of the particular store he was in. “Now, what did you want?”

GIR stopped crying and looked thoughtful. “A hippoooooo,” he paused to think again, “a train seeeeeeet, a dresssssssss.” GIR paused between each item, but kept going before Zim could stop him. “A limited edition spork wars suck monkey cuuuuuuuuup, a angery monkeyyyyyyyy, a regular monkeyyyyyyyy, a swoooooooord, a wheelchair, a zoo booooooooook, sooooooocks, a ps fouuuuuuuuuur-”

“GIR we already have one of those, remember? I stole it from the Dib last year.”

“-a cookboooooook, a donuuuuuuuuut, a piggieeeeeeeee, some pancakeeeeeeeees, more haiiiiiiiiiiiiir, a airplaneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, a fire extinguisher, and whatever youuuuuuuu want!”

Zim rolled his eyes, but stopped when he noticed a poster advertisement. “How about an Angry Monkey action figure?”

“YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!” GIR turned limp in his arms and started drooling. “Ang-ery mon-key action figureeee.”

“Okay, Zim can find you one of those then.” Zim forced his way forward through the crowd until he was just under the poster and inspected it for any sign of where it was being sold. At the bottom of the poster, the location was listed as “Floor 35 Supercenter”.

Floor 35? Easy. Zim wove through the crowd with the still limp and drooling GIR safely held to him. Eventually, they made it to the wall which held both the elevator and the staircases. On the door to the elevator, there was a sign taped up reminding mall guests that it was out of order. Zim looked between that sign, and the large number painted on the wall telling him that they were only on floor 8 with disdain. How had he forgotten that he’d already had to climb 8 flights today?

The next thirty to forty-five minutes were spent trying to make his way to floor 35 despite the crowds which extended even into the stairwell. When he finally made his to the right portion of the mall, Zim was even more tired than he expected. Physically, he was, well he was okay. Zim was a sprinter, not an endurance runner, so this wasn’t the best, especially when he couldn’t use his PAK legs, but that was fine. 

Emotionally though, Zim was fucking exhausted. He just wanted to go  _ home _ . Relax in his lab. Not deal with the human scourge for, like, one evening. He pushed his way through the crowd with even less care than normal. If Zim stepped on some dirty human feet while he went to find this all-important action figure that he was suddenly sure GIR needed to have, then he didn't care. 

The toy section of the store looked like a tornado had hit it, toys and people everywhere. It wasn't so much that Zim had to weave through the crowd, but more that he had to wade through destruction. It took him some time but he managed to find the section he was looking for, tags on the shelf alerting him that he was in the right spot. 

There was no Angry Monkey Action Figure on the shelf in front of him, nor the one below or the one above. GIR was still lost in daydreams about his new toy and was still limp. At least it meant that he hadn't noticed they would need to search elsewhere, Zim reasoned. He climbed on top of the shelving units, ignoring cries from workers that what he was doing was against the rules and scanned the store.

From this new position, Zim was several feet taller than even the normal display shelves. He took a moment to ensure his holo-disguise was still active and then attempted to run a PAK program he already knew was broken. A small portion of Zim wished wistfully that his PAK wasn't … programming sensitive, and that his ocular scanners actually worked. They didn't though, and he just squinted, trying to find a box of the right colour and dimension in the hands of some other shopper. 

Workers were grabbing at his ankles when Zim finally spotted one, in the basket of a man obviously headed towards the cashiers. He kicked at the hands which dared to try and touch him, and then sprinted on top of the shelves. He got as far as he could over the heads of the crowds and was maybe five feet away from the man when Zim jumped off the shelves and landed with a heavy thud in the crowd. The man thankfully didn't turn, though several others nearby did, and Zim just plucked the action figure box from the man’s basket. 

If he wasn't so tired, Zim might have tried to bargain for it, or even see if he could order one online, but he was too frustrated with the day to walk away from the mall right now empty-handed. Stealing was what got GIR his present and so steal Zim would. He made sure his grip on the box was as tight as his grip on GIR and sprinted away to a cashier. Zim showed some human money down at the till and then sprinted away, in case either the man he stole the action figure from or the cashier decided to chase after him for any reason. 

The crowd outside the store hadn’t dissipated at all and it took probably near an hour for him to make his way outside, but he had done it. Zim had gotten GIR a Christmas present. And he was nearly all the way home before he realized he didn’t really know what to do with it now, other than to not let GIR have it until the 25th. 

As soon as he was through the door to his house-base. Base. It was just a base, As soon as Zim was inside, he turned his holo-disguise off and breathed a sigh of relief. He nearly sat on the couch before he remembered that GIR had done disgusting things to it. Instead, Zim put the action figure box on the kitchen table beside the cleaning supplies he was about to put to good use. Before he did though, Zim pulled out the small fake smartphone he’d hacked into the human phone system and opened up his only text conversation. 

** [Garbage boy - Zim]**

** [stinky man - Zim]**

** [dib smelly - Zim]**

** _ [what do you want Zim, i’m busy]_ **

** _ [Studying? For exams?]_ **

** _ [You have some of those too asshole]_ **

** [I bought GIR a christmas gift]**

** [what do I do with it now? - Zim]**

** _ [Oh my fucking god hold on]_ **

** _ [Do you not know what Chistmas is?]_ **

**[I DO know what christmas is WORM - Zim]**

** [I just dont know what to do with this dumb gift - Zim]**

** _[djkssjkksks]_**

** _ [Okay I’m coming over to explain fucking christmas to you I guess]_ **

** _ [gir desrves a real christmas]_ **

** _ [And if I fail my french final because of you, you’re dead fucking meat Zim]_ **

Zim looked around the  <strike> house </strike> base and sighed. This might as well fucking happen, he decided. 

** [Fine - Zim]**

##  xxii. 

GIR was walking down the street enjoying a well-deserved suck monkey and carrying another. He wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve it anymore, but the faint buzz of accomplishment was ringing in his internal processors so it had to have been something. The second suck monkey was for his master, his prized leader, his best friend and although Zim never usually enjoyed suck monkeys, GIR was certain that today he would need one. He couldn’t quite remember why though, the reason was stuck behind that buzzing in his head. 

Did he have bees again? Was it bees? Why was he buzzing? GIR shook the suck monkey he  _ wasn’t _ drinking, as if it would give him the answers. It didn't. But the buzzing didn't stop. The confusion was getting to him but he couldn’t let that stop him, the house was in sight. All he needed was to deliver this suck monkey. 

The buzzing… It echoed around his head and made his limbs shake. Actually, he kind of liked it. Sure, he had no idea what was causing it, but GIR didn’t let that stop him. He knew pretty much nothing forever. GIR smiled and slurped at his drink while he walked the rest of the way home. 

GIR pushed open the door to the base and ran inside with a yell. He was buzzing and it was  _ delicious _ , but he also needed to deliver this suck monkey. The room was quiet around him as GIR ran in circles, yelling, before he slowed down enough to notice his Master standing in the middle of the living room, watching him and tapping his foot. GIR waddled up and delivered his cargo with a grin. 

Zim… took it slowly, filled with hesitation. GIR pushed the drink into his hand a little more fervently, trying to showcase that this was a  _ gift _ , something good! As soon as his master had a hold on it though, GIR sprinted away to the kitchen. 

He could hear Zim call after him to stay out of trouble, and of course he would. He sat down facing one of the walls in the kitchen and served the scene before him. Silly masta, he thought, trouble needs t’stay outta ME! 

GIR giggled to himself at that and pulled out his crayons. He could still hear what was going on in the living room, but he ignored it in favour of picking out some colours from the box.

_ “So what are you two even calling for anyways?” _

_ “It’s probing day!” _

GIR grabbed an orange crayon and drew a few flowers. One was particularly un-round, and he turned that one into a pumpkin and felt very satisfied.

_ “Uh, all due respect, My Tallests, but this is like the fifth probing day since I’ve landed.” _

_ “And?” _

_ “Zim has barely been here a year! Zim is well aware that he is a prime example of an Irken Invader but to ask that he has conquered a B class planet in under 4 years is preposterous! I should have just barely had my  _ first  _ probing day!” _

Beside the pumpkin-flower, GIR added a human kid skateboarding. It looked more like a wibble-wabble of lines, but when he showed this off to Zim later, that's what he’d describe it as. The idea struck him to switch colours and he grabbed a purple, going over the section deemed “skateboard” so it was clearer.

_ “Oh wild, Urth must have a long year then.” _

_ “Like, at least quadruple the length of a year on Irk.” _

_ “Ew.” _

_ “Ew.” _

_ “Earth, and yes, it  _ is _ long, but that should have been taken into account when scheduling these things.” _

_ “We're the Tallests! Don't tell us how to do our jobs!” _

_ “Yeah, shut up!” _

_ “...” _

GIR picked a nice green out from his collection and added some green-bees, in honour of his head buzzing (which it  _ was _ still doing, much to his pleasure), and in honour of the face humans made when the spun too fast (because he thought it was funny).

_ “What are you doing Zim?” _

_ “Drinkin’ a suck monkey.” _

_ “What on Irk is that?” _

_ “Human drink.” _

_ “That’s disgusting Zim.” _

He pulled out a pink that looked suspiciously close to the colour as the baby next door and then drew that baby dancing. 

_ “Yeah, I can’t believe you’d put something as disgusting as that in your Irken body.” _

_ “You must really have gone native then.” _

_ “So native  _ I  _ wouldn’t call you Irken anymore.” _

_ “That just means my disguise is working perfectly! Great probing day guys!” _

_ “Wa-” _

_ “Zi-” _

_ “Bye!” _

GIR drew another baby on the wall, and then himself, eating the baby. Just for fun.

##  xxiii. 

Gaz left the dorm on her own one morning, already annoyed with how the day was playing out. She’d forgotten to do an assignment for her intro english class over the weekend and had spent the night throwing together an essay for it. On top of that, there wasn’t any food in the apartment, so she was forced to stop somewhere on her way to class, which would inevitably make her late, and worst of all, Dib was sick. 

He’d come down with something the week previous and when it didn’t go away after a few days, Membrane had asked that he stay in the family house until he was better. Dad seemed to think it had something to do with a blip in his genetic makeup and didn’t want Gaz to catch it so she wasn’t even allowed to visit. It made the dorm feel too empty, to not have her brother in it. She’d never admit it but the year where they were living in different places and never saw each other sucked ass. That said, she was taking advantage of it as much as possible. Headphones? Gaz no longer knows her.

The morning was still annoying to get through though, and by the time Gaz had slogged her way to the second term of comp sci she was taking with Dib and Zim her mood was as sour as a lemon. She slumped into her normal seat and waited for Zim to do the same. Normally he’d wait until after Dib entered and then come in right after, but he had to have noticed that Gaz was alone, right? She shrugged to herself and started unpacking her stuff.

It took a few minutes actually before Zim walked in, looking around like a lost dog. His (fake) human hair looked appropriately mussed for someone who was obviously stressed. It was a neat disguise that Dib had stressed over for weeks after it first appeared. Gaz remembered fondly the week of reprieve she got when he finally broke into Zim’s house and saw him as a regular alien again. It let him go back to regular amounts of obsessive instead of being constantly over the top. 

In any case, he walked in and sat in his usual seat, to her left. Dib’s seat was usually on her right, and she would just lean forward or backwards depending on the level of annoying conversation she was trying to interrupt with her presence. Zim didn’t say anything at first, just also started to also unpack his supplies. It was almost funny because if you watched carefully, you could actually see his PAK legs for a split second as he did. The class had actually started by the time Zim turned to her.

“Where is the Dib?” Zim kept his voice low. “It is unlike him to not come to class.”

Gaz glanced at the empty seat beside her before moving closer to Zim. If she couldn’t copy notes off Dib today, she’d have to copy off Zim. “He’s sick. Dad’s got him quarantined at home.”

“Sick?” Zim said the word like he’d never heard it before. “When will he be back? When did he leave?”

“Zim I got a cold a month ago, you  _ know _ what being sick is.” Gaz deadpanned. “And like, two days ago, and maybe tomorrow? Who knows. Dad’s doing his … sciency stuff.” Neither of them said anything for a few minutes and Gaz had to move closer again in hopes of reading his notes as he wrote them. She was disappointed to find he hadn’t started yet. “Are you going to take notes at all, space bug?”

“I don’t particularly want to,” Zim said quietly.

Gaz sighed. “Dib will be fine, dummy. Pay attention so I can copy my notes off you.”

“Dib isn't here so I was planning on taking my notes in Irken today”

“Well, don’t?”

“Eh, Zim will consider it.”

Gaz shrugged and squinted at the board. “So why wouldn’t you use Irken when Dib’s around?”

“The Dib is … very thorough.” Zim shrugged back. He scooched a little closer to Gaz, likely so he could monologue at her without disturbing their classmates. Behind her squint, Gaz rolled her eyes. “I know he’s hacked into the communications stream with my Tallers, but since it is all in Irken, I know he cannot read it. Zim’s only safeguard in this regard is making sure the intricacies of my great language out of the Dib’s smelly hands.”

“Huh.” Gaz thought that that was, sort of reasonable, in the dumbest way possible. Why he didn’t just use some other method of communicating was beyond her but she didn’t bother trying to understand him. She didn’t respond to him beyond that though.

After a few long moments, Gaz felt the feeling of a stare on her, and it was extremely uncomfortable. Zim was staring at her, big eyes pulled together in a glare under his extremely well kept holographic eyebrows. She swore that he must have just pulled a face off the internet to use, there was no way Zim would have understood the intricacies of making eyebrows. Gaz rolled her eyes, first, he wasn’t helping her take notes, and now he wanted to be a nuisance while she tried to pay attention?

“What do you want, Zim?” She finally asked.

“You have to tell Zim a secret now,” he said, aghast for some unknown reason. “Is that now how these things work?”

She scoffed in confusion. “What the fuck?”

“If I tell you something secret, are you not contractually obligated to tell me something secret as well?” Zim sounded honestly confused.

“N-no? Not always?” Gaz was just as confused now. She didn’t know what to do with that, and because of that, decided to take pity on him. Besides, it'd probably annoy Dib if he learned that they bonded over something. Even if it was as dumb as this. Served him right for getting sick and leaving her alone to deal with Zim _and_ not being able to see. “Look, fine. I don’t think that that was really a secret, so I’ll tell you something that isn’t really a secret either.”

“Eh? How was that  _ not _ a secret?”

“Zim, shut up.” She paused and thought for a second, making note of something the prof said. “Okay, has anyone ever really explained how soul mates work to you?”

“I know how they work!” Zim said, immediately worked up. Someone in the row ahead of them turned and shushed them both. He dropped his voice to a whisper and made to punch at Gaz before she stopped him with a look. “I  _ know _ how they work.”

“Yeah, but like, culturally. Understanding conventions is one thing, idiot. Culture is something else.”

Zim scoffed and turned away, but he didn’t move at all. Instead, Gaz was fairly certain he seemed to lean closer. 

“So? Interested?” She already knew the answer, but the satisfaction of making Zim admit it was worth it.

He didn’t say anything.

Gaz turned back towards the front of the lecture theatre and wrote something down. Why was the professor suddenly talking about loop functions again? She must have missed something when she was tuned out talking with Zim.

Beside her, he continued to say nothing. 

She let him stew in it while she tried to figure out just how the class had gotten from point A to point B.

Maybe ten minutes or so later, Zim finally leaned in. “Fine, that would be a worthy secret.”

“Still not a secret Zim, but whatever.” Gaz deadpanned. “So you know that pinks are supposedly platonic, right?”

He nodded with just the slightest dip of his head. Zim’s fake holo-hair shifted with the movement in a surprisingly realistic way.

“Sometimes two pinks enter a romantic relationship. It’s not the most common since the pink soulmate mark is viewed as a friendship thing, but it does happen. Sometimes old people don’t like that.” She shrugged. Gaz had to stifle a snicker while she continued. “They like it even less when a partnership has more than two people in it, but that’s generally well accepted these days too. And all types of soulmates can be rejected.”

Zim baulked a little at that. “Humans seem to revere these markings. How could someone disagree with them?”

“Sometimes people are assholes. Sometimes they do things you can’t recover a relationship from.” Gaz swatted at Zim almost playfully, “I bet you’ve burned some bridges, space bug. Even in a soulmate relationship, pink or black, that can happen.”

She paused to squint at the board at the front again, quickly trying to write down what was being taught. Zim didn't argue the point any further, only waited for her to continue.

“And sometimes people are rejected before entering a relationship. Sometimes you just don’t vibe with a person.” Gaz paused, trying to decide how to word it. “Or you’re not interested in the way you would want to be. People without any marks are out there too. I don’t have a black one,” she paused, rubbing at her knuckles, “but if I wanted to date someone, I could. Old farts might be upset if it was someone who  _ did _ have a romantic soulmate, but they also don’t like when soulmates are rejected so fuck them. People have a right to say no.”

“Is that all?” For a moment, Zim almost seemed genuinely interested in hearing what Gaz had been saying. And then the moment passed and he just seemed ambiently annoyed again.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” She leaned over to see that Zim was also beginning to take notes. Finally, she wouldn’t have to struggle to see what was happening anymore. Gaz gave her eyes a moment to adjust and scanned his tablet. The words on it made her pause, then lean in closer, and finally baulk when she recognized them. They weren't written in English, obviously, he had explained earlier that he wasn’t going to bother when Dib wasn’t around. She watched him draw out the form of the letters were in thick blocky squiggles. Gaz knew those shapes, even if she didn't know what they meant. 

“Zim,” Gaz started with a low growl, suddenly hyper defensive. “I’m going to tell you something but you  _ cannot _ start to yell or freak out. I will break your limbs off one by one if you make so much as a sound before I am done talking.”

The sudden change of tone was to be expected though, she’d just stumbled across something that would change Dib’s life and he wasn’t even here for it. Although Gaz had quickly accepted that apparently an alien had made it onto the list of people Dib allowed to beat him up without consequence, something that  _ should _ have been reserved only for her. This was different. The frenemies thing would be way harder for Dib to untangle now that there was this in the mix. Somewhere in the back of her mind Gaz knew she should have expected this, because of fucking course. Of course, this would happen to Dib, but that didn’t mean that she’d let Zim off the hook that easy. If she had to stew over this knowledge, then so did he.

“I’m fucking serious, Zim. We had a nice chat earlier, but this is different.”

Zim’s eyes widened slightly, before turning into a glare. At least he knew better than to make it a full-on sneer, she would have killed him on the spot. After a tense moment, he nodded slightly. Gaz nodded back and then started to talk quietly. 

“Dib has a second soulmate mark. I know you well enough to know you’re thinking of saying something like “No he doesn’t; you’re lying; how come he’s never brought it up then?” and I want you to know you’re an idiot to think he’d even remember it. You know how caught up he’s been in trying to expose you, that soulmark is a reminder of bad feelings for Dib but you’re new and exciting and  _ don’t  _ make him feel like a failure.

“Dib probably told you that we were experiments, right? He’s a clone and I’m a genetic splice experiment. We were both marked as failures as kids, but for different reasons.” Gaz grimaced slightly, remembering how devastating it was for Dib to learn that. It was the one thing that had really helped her bond with her brother, despite how weird he had always been. “When he found out, it tore him apart for weeks.”

Zim nodded slowly while his fingers tapped on their shared desk, the human habit showing through strongly. If it wasn’t for the slight clicking of his PAK, she could have forgotten he was an alien. A part of Gaz that was far away from this conversation chuckled at that, imagining how mad he’d be to hear it.

“One of those reasons for Dib was that his soulmate mark, the one on his back, isn’t in any known human language. The scientists that tested us both assumed it had something to do with his clone status messing up the flow of the universe. But I can tell you right now, it’s in Irken.” Gaz paused for dramatic effect and pointed at his tablet full of notes, but had to give Zim a light punch to remind him to keep his mouth shut. “I’m not saying it  _ has _ to be you. And even if it was, Zim, I’m not saying you have to act on it. I literally just explained that these things go unrequited all the time, and you’re an alien who doesn’t get soulmates anyway.”

Zim couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer, but thankfully his voice was quiet. Barely above a whisper. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because one day he’s going to remember that it’s there, and he’s going to recognize that it’s in Irken. And then he’s going to fall apart. Worse than he normally would.”

“Good! He deserves it!” Zim whispered harshly, playing with his hands like he was trying to lie to himself and failing. The class carried on around them, unbeknownst to both Zim and Gaz. “It will make it easier for me to conquer this stupid planet.”

“Zim when was the last time you  _ seriously _ tried to take over. No goofs involved, no self destruct button in just the right place.” Gaz shook her head, slowly, making real eye contact. “You both  _ insist  _ that you hate each other, that you’re enemies. And yet you sit next to each other in every class and respect each other's boundaries. You make time out of your days just to see each other, even if it’s to be annoying, and you both get so regretful if you actually hurt the other. You don’t hate him Zim, and he doesn’t hate you. And when he realizes that, he’s going to get so fucking guilty, so self-hatey, so mopey that there’s not going to be anything the rest of us can do.”

Zim broke the eye contact, refusing to look at her any longer. 

“I’m not saying you have to love him, Zim, that’s your own choice. He’s going to need you though, Zim, to remind him that it won't have messed everything up. And that just because you two started out being mean to each other doesn't mean you always have to be.”

Zim glared at the desk in front of him, turning a little further away from Gaz. “You overestimate my relationship with your brother-unit.”

Gaz also looked away, turning her attention to the professor who had continued to lecture, unaware of what had been going on in her classroom. “It’s funny that you’d even consider I’m wrong, Zim.” She squinted, trying to see the front board before making note of something the teacher had said. “You underestimate how well I know the two of you.”

The next class, two days later, finally saw Dib feeling well enough to come to school. Gaz left the dorm apartment early just to make sure she caught her dad as he drove away from the school, leaving Dib standing on the side of the road. She gave them both a hug before punching Dib square on the shoulder. 

“Don’t get sick again, this place sucks without you.”

Dib grinned, “Oh? An admission of sibling love?” He had to pause to laugh. “Gaz, I never.”

Gaz punched him again but laughed as she did so. “Shut up, mothball. Get to class.”

When they met up outside of their comp sci lecture later, Gaz found Zim in the crowd. They made eye contact for a split second before Zim scoffed and walked away. Gaz rolled her eyes and followed Dib into the lecture theatre. 

It was no surprise to Gaz that Zim decided to sit elsewhere. She knew he’d be back eventually. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👏 FOLKS  
Hi im back! but only partially! It's my last week of classes before finals and im DYING ive got so much left to do, and then a bunch of other things on my plate! That's why this bad boy is late (and partially unedited, shhhh) and it means that there's not going to be a chapter on schedule for next week, but it IS in the works rn. in any case, i hope it lives up to expectations despite it being a bit of a slower set! kiss!
> 
> [Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://space-dumbasses.tumblr.com/)


	9. xxiv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early March  
(this chapter has some mild angst and a fight scene!)

Dib was putting one foot in front of the other as he walked around his childhood neighbourhood, but that wasn’t where his mind was at. Instead, he was going through mental flashcards, perfecting conversations in his head, trying to ensure the latest lesson in advanced german had actually stuck in his brain because he was going to be tested on it in 36 or so hours. Why the last lesson before the midterm was going to be included despite them not having a class to really absorb it was beyond Dib, but he didn’t need to have an opinion, he just needed to pass.

It wasn’t even that hard of material, Dib knew, he was just stressing about it because that’s what he did. Gaz had kicked him out of the dorm as soon as she got back from her classes so he, quote, “Wouldn’t mess up the vibes I’m trying to cultivate, so get the fuck out, stink-face.” Dib had wandered his way off campus, so focused on the stress in his head that he barely registered how far away he was getting. 

There was a strange noise just behind him, but Dib tried to pay it no mind. Was he remembering the conjugation of ‘to create’ properly? Had he forgotten the proper tense transition for it? Why were the new words going to be on the midterm? Dib groaned, putting his head in his hands. There was another noise behind him and Dib turned to look at it as he brought his head back up.

Zim was stalking near him, disguise on, but based on the weird plinking noise, something had to be up. Were his PAK legs out? No, they’d be visible, so it had to be something else. For a moment, Dib was genuinely glad to see him, and then he remembered how the past two weeks had been going and how he was trying not to care either way. “Zim!” He huffed. “What do you want?”

The alien stopped walking to just stand, glaring at Dib from across the road. Zim’s holographic disguise was active and responding to the light breeze. Neither of them said anything, but Zim looked mad. 

Even though he’d had it for months now, the hologram still unnerved Dib. Not the fact that its display was an attractive looking human man, no it was how real it looked. Sometimes in class Dib would forget Zim wasn’t human because he had finally managed to play the part so well. Truth be told, Dib would wake from nightmares occasionally wherein Zim really was a human and Dib had just tortured and teased an innocent guy for months because he was too blind to realize. They usually ended with Dib morphing into some sort of monster and the whole community coming after him like he wanted to have done to Zim. It was terrifying. Dib hated that Zim made him feel anything, much less the confliction and regret those dreams left him with.

The past two weeks hadn’t been much better. Dib returned to school after being sick as a dog only to find Zim wasn’t talking to him. Or Gaz for that matter, but he wasn’t sure how often those two saw each other anyways. The first few days into it, he figured that Zim was just being temperamental and self-isolating, he got like that after his leaders contacted him sometimes. It just kept dragging on though. Was he planning something? Was he just being an ass? Was it all to slight Dib for some unknown grievance? He hated that at some point, he had started to care about what the answer was.

Dib couldn’t waste time agonizing over that today though. He really needed to be studying. When Zim didn’t immediately respond, Dib scoffed and just kept walking. The proper form of the verb he was trying to remember was beyond him though, as he heard the quiet steps now following him. He rolled his eyes and tried to ignore it. Maybe it was about time he headed home anyways, Gaz should be done by now, right? The quality of light was beginning to change as the sun started it's descentDib refused to turn fully around but started changing his course to head back to the apartment.

The steps never stopped. Twice Dib nearly turned before changing his mind. He was nearly all the way back to the dorms, back to campus before anything changed. He had been lost in his thoughts and not paying attention. It wasn’t until Dib felt the sharp sudden pressure of his shirt collar against his throat that he realized he’d been grabbed.

A car horn blared as Dib was pulled back onto the sidewalk. The hand on his collar immediately let go and he sputtered out a cough. Once he was done coughing, a second hand lifted gently off his back. Dib did his best not to question why it was there.

“Pay better attention, idiot.” Zim took a step back from Dib as he turned around. “It’s too dangerous to get lost in that big head of yours.”

“It’s not even that big,” he grumbled under his breath. “What do you want, Zim. Seriously? What are you doing following me?”

Zim scoffed. “Not even going to thank me for saving your life, Dib-thing? I know you humans are ungrateful but sheesh.”

“Oh my god, fine, thanks.” Dib felt his shoulders tighten. “Now what do you want?”

“I wish to _ fight _ you.” Zim checked his nails, not bothering to look up at Dib’s shocked expression. “Like the old days, nasty-worm-creature.”

“Why? Why on earth would you want that?” He paused to shake his head. “No wait, I can… I can get behind a fight. But not now, let me do this exam first.” Dib sighed deeply. “It’d be a good distraction from the ‘I’m 100% going to fail’ fear I know I’ll get.”

The gentle breeze drifted between them both as Dib’s brain juggled the many inputs being provided to him. Zim didn’t say anything, he just scowled and Dib’s stomach flipped. Something about this felt wrong. He just needed to get through this exam things would go back to normal. Like two days and then it would be the weekend and it’d be fine again. Zim had broken his silent streak and so they’d be fine right?

Dib shook his head and turned back towards home. “I'm serious, Spaceboy. Tomorrow, after my exam, I’ll have time to help you punch your way through whatever emotions you’ve been having.”

He started to walk away. Something in him, deeper than that pool of anxiety, ached the further he walked. When Dib felt what must have been a PAK leg stab into the cloth of his hood, that ache died. He refused to think about what that meant as he let himself be spun around.

Zim’s human face had its eyebrows drawn together in annoyance but the PAK leg over his shoulder holding Dib in place felt familiar. It felt like it had been ages since they’d last had a go of it but his body still remembered how things went. Dib still desperately needed to study but… he smirked at Zim. “You really going to try me, Bug?”

Something in his face quirked at the name. Zim shivered as if trying to shake it out of his mind. For a moment his disguised waved as the hologram faltered before holding sorting itself back out. “Try you? We both know I’d win. Irken biology is simply superior in every way to your backwards human physiology.” He jerked his head to the side, off and away from the road towards what looked like an alley between homes. “Try and fight Zim where he doesn’t need to hide behind a hologram and we’ll see how much of a fight your puny human body can really put up.”

Whatever ache had been eased started back up again and Dib t=did the only thing he could think to do. He followed Zim’s request and shouldered past the smaller person to get out of public view. “You say that as if you weren’t a foot shorter than me, idiot,” Dib grumbled. “Why are you being such a shitheel anyways?”

Dib reached the alley and took up his old favourite position. The cars occasionally driving past didn’t slow at all as he crouched slightly and brought his open hands in front of him. Zim followed close behind, saying nothing.

“Like seriously, you’ve been such a dick lately, Zim. You’re really showing your true colours.” He cracked his knuckles. “Shitheel.”

“Zim is only giving you the treatment you deserve.” Zim scoffed and dropped into a pose mirroring Dib’s. His hologram turned off, human appearance pixelating out of existence as green, alien flesh came back into sight. “When this planet belongs to the Irken Empire, I’ll ensure you get a personalized death. Something worthy of the most annoying human thorn in my side.”

That part of Dib that had started to ache again felt like it shattered. He didn’t care that Zim looked like he felt shattered too, eyes a too-wet magenta. All that mattered was the sudden hot flash of anger and dismay that felt like it started at his back and crashed outward like a wave. Dib dove forward as an angry yell burst from him.

They fought like they used to, time meant nothing to the well practiced dance. Dib dove for Zim’s midsection and caught him, barreling the two towards the ground. Zim’s PAK legs righted them both as they somersaulted and as they popped up, Zim kicked Dib’s arms off of him. The feeling of a fresh scrape, new dirt stains being formed on the back of his leather jacket. 

It was just another step to the dance as Zim used his PAK legs to dart back from Dib, taking advantage of their reach. The extra space gave him the build up he needed to pack enough energy into a punch to knock Dib off his feet. He expected it, knew it was coming, knew how it would happen and how he needed to land, and so Dib flew. He twisted enough that his tailbone wouldn’t take the brunt of the landing. It was a practiced movement and Dib already knew how he’d ache in the morning.

He did a reverse roll, popping up just in time to see Zim darting forward, fist clenched and incoming fast. He did his best to dodge with a jump back but that only knocked him into the fence behind him. Dib dropped to his knees just in time for Zim’s fist to make contact with a shattering sound. The splinters of wood rained down on him as he scurried out of the way. Dib’s internal process was a stream of swears as he realized that Zim wasn’t holding back like he normally would. That punch would have decimated him if it had hit. 

The slowly darkening light made Zim’s eyes positively glow with pink light. The shadows cast by buildings framed the alien in a spooky powerful light. Dib was distracted for a moment by the sight as Zim turned, tracking his movements away. It was… ethereal in a scary, dangerous way. Those eyes flashed and Zim was lunging for him again. Dib yelled as he dove out of the way. He wasn’t able to flee as far as he wanted to though, Zim’s PAK legs forming a sort of cage around him. Each of them picked up and slammed into the dirt with a sickening sound. 

This was … familiar to him. Normally they would have tired themselves out before this point, or Zim was holding back enough that Dib wouldn’t be trapped like this. Normally it infuriated him that the alien didn’t think him a worthy enough opponent, but at the moment he was almost longing for it. Thinking as quickly as possible, Dib waited until Zim lifted one of the PAK legs and rolled under it as soon as it was up. He prayed that Zim would show mercy (though he hadn’t yet today), and not impale him with the leg as it came back down. 

He wasn’t sure what it was in the end that saved him, his own skills or Zim’s conscious. The leg slammed down and pierced a hole in his jacket, but it missed his skin. Hopefully, at least. There wasn’t any pain on his back though that might have been the adrenaline. Dib didn’t slow until he was out of Zim’s reach, even if he was still on the ground. His breath heaved as he tried to feel the rip in his clothing for blood without giving up his guard.

Zim backed off slightly, allowing Dib enough time to stand and wipe the sweat and dirt off his face. He hurt, but that didn’t stop him from winding up for another diving punch at Zim. It was his turn, his moment in the dance. This one knocked the Irken off his feet and down onto his back. Dib _ knew _ that it hurt to have his PAK shoved onto the ground so strongly, but he pushed Zim into the dirt all the same. With another punch to the side of Zim’s face, Dib disoriented him enough to climb on top of Zim’s chest and keep his PAK pressed down. As long as they both stayed where they were, Zim’s PAK legs couldn’t extend again.

Dib’s chest heaved as he held Zim’s arms in place above his head. “Why,” he inhaled sharply, “why are you being such an ass? What happened that ruined everything?”

Zim spat up at Dib and then tried to roll violently. Dib’s superior height and weight kept him trapped though and he grimaced at the sensation of his PAK’s sharp edges being pressed into his back. “You overestimate our relationship, Human-worm.”

Lifting Zim’s arms slightly, he shoved them back down with all the power he had left. “Am I? Am I really, Zim? I’m not going to let you take over the world or whatever but if it weren’t for that I’d say you’re my best -” Dib paused, suddenly choked up as his brain caught up to what his mouth was saying without his consent. “Best friend.” 

Did he really think that? He’d never … he hadn’t … when had Dib decided that? He had other friends, right? Dib’s brain started going through the lists of people he knew only to come up empty. There was no one, really, other than Gaz that he’d spend time with continuously. That was key to deciding someone was a friend right? And - and - his brain slowed as it tried to come to terms with the fact that despite their rivalry and key differences vis-a-vis the rulership of Earth, Zim really _ was _ Dib’s best friend or at least the closest person to that. 

Dib was flipped, roughly, and the breath knocked out of him. “Don’t lower your guard,” Zim chastised without any of the normal sarcastic snark. “No matter what you’re feeling.”

Anger and fresh energy surged in Dib at the comment. Zim’s PAK legs weren’t out again, he must have just taken advantage of the lapse in Dib’s attention, something Dib was going to use to his further advantage. Taking only a split second to prepare, Dib flipped them again and held Zim down with one hand while he socked the alien with the other. “Fine, then. I won’t lower my guard.”

Dib reared back and punched Zim again. It was strange hitting a face with no nose or ears, cartilage to get in the way. It made Dib’s knuckles ache as he hit his captive again and again. Eventually, he was out of breath and out of stamina. Zim didn’t say anything, his breathing coming in ragged gasps and one eye was swollen closed. Dib pressed Zim’s body further into the ground before standing. 

“Consider my guard raised, Zim.” Dib spat as he brushed himself off. Internally he sighed, many of the stains to his clothes wouldn’t be coming out. The ache in his heart, too, wouldn’t be coming out easily, he figured. Dib stepped back just far enough for Zim to slowly push his way up, groaning all the while. “I’m going home now. Don’t try to stop me again.”

Zim was silent as he pushed himself up and kept his one good eye focused on Dib as he did so. In return, Dib stayed quiet as well. The two watched each other for a long, long moment, neither looking away as Zim’s hologram reinstated itself or his PAK legs extended and lifted him back into space. Dib just watched as Zim left, being lifted over buildings and staring back the whole time.

He slumped as soon as Zim was out of sight, though. He hurt, all of him, inside and out. And the longer he stood there, just breathing, the more his back ached. Maybe he had actually been hit by the PAK leg. Dib had really been gotten good, _ fuck _ he hurt. It didn’t feel like blood though, so there was that at least.

The walk home in the very quickly lost light felt way longer than it should have. That could have been due to the fact he was limping though. When Dib finally made it back to his apartment dorm, Gaz was sitting at the table dramatically poised facing the door, but as per her usual, face glued to a screen. 

“Welcome back, dint-shit,” Gaz said evenly without looking up from her phone to see him enter. 

Dib sighed as he struggled to pull of his jacket without aggravating the shoulder he must have twisted at some point. His boots were kicked off by the door during the struggle. Eventually though, he just gave up and slumped into the seat beside her and reached for the can of soda she was drinking from. “Thanks, brat.”

She finally put her phone down, looking over at him and jumped slightly. “You look like… total trash. What the fuck happened?” Gaz leaned toward him to steal her drink back and slapped his hand in the process. I just told you to go away and annoy someone else, not to get yourself almost killed! What the fuck! Dib!”

He sighed and dropped his head into his arms on the table. “Zim happened. We fought. He kicked my ass. The usual.”

Gaz’s eyes went wide. “The usual? You two haven’t fought in _ months _. Dib it looks like you’re bleeding under that coat. You’re bleeding under the coat, by the way.”

Dib shrugged before lifting himself off the table enough to look over his shoulder. “I can’t feel it, but that wouldn’t surprise me. Zim wasn’t holding back.”

“Did you at least give as good as you got?” She asked, settling back down into her seat and sipping her drink. Gaz pulled out her phone but she kept glancing over to him through squinted eyes.

Dib shrugged. “I think so, but I don’t know for sure.” He sighed and made another attempt to remove the scraps of his leather jacket. “His dumb PAK heals him so quickly. Jackass.”

Gaz sipped at her drink but didn't comment.

Dib laughed darkly as he gave up again. “Would you believe I admitted he’s like, my best friend? And _ then _ I punched him till he bled that icky pink shit?”

Gaz sipped at her drink and nodded. Her phone chirped with a new message alert. “Sounds like you.”

“Sounds like you,” Dib parroted before sighing and reaching for her drink again. Gaz slapped his hand away easily. “Help me get this dumb jacket off so I can take a shower.”

Gaz raised an eyebrow as she polished off her can of cola. She opened the text and responded quickly, but only went back to stoically watching Dib. Something in her expression seemed hardened and angry, but for once Dib didn't think it was directed at him. 

“Please?”

“Fine, just, don’t bleed on me.”

“Promise I won’t.”

Gaz helped him out of the shreds of leather and confirmed both that the jacket was toast, and that it was a glorified scrape. It’d hurt like shit while he washed it out, but it’d heal fairly quickly. Hopefully. He’d need to buy a new jacket but until then he’d be stuck with just sweaters and pullovers. Maybe Dib would go with a duster this time, like the old days. 

Dib chuckled as he turned the shower on. “Old days.” His childhood probably didn’t count as the old days since he wasn’t even 21 yet. Dib tried to keep his groans of pain to a minimum as he cleaned out the various scrapes in the hot water. The longer he spent in the shower though, the more he realized that he had been right earlier. 

Physical wounds would be quick to heal.

But whatever he only realized that he’d lost when he and Zim were fighting, might be a lot harder to regain. And Dib still wasn’t even sure where it had gone wrong. 

He just hoped that the fight for humanity wasn’t going to get _ seriously _ serious. If this little spat was anything to go off of, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it for long.

  
  


When Dib and Gaz walked into Compsci, they weren’t surprised to find Zim nowhere in sight. Not that he would have been around anyways, he normally came in after them. What was surprising, for Dib at least, was that there was one of the fancy expensive drinks in front of both of their spots. 

Gaz didn’t pause before opening her bubble tea, dropping into her seat looking satisfied as hell. Dib poked at his own - one of the expensive drinks from across campus. He looked around, Zim wasn’t anywhere in sight, and yet. Who else would have done it? 

Dib slid into his seat and slowly opened his own. Maybe things wouldn’t be so hard to fix? 

Gaz kicked her feet up on the desktop shrugged when Dib looked over at her. 

He sighed and started unpacking his things for class. Whatever was going on, it would have to wait until after his exam this afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year yall! Sorry i took a whole month off kjshfskj I really do intend to get back onto a regular posting schedule soon <3  
I wanted to work more on this a lot sooner but this is one of like 3 kinda angsty segments and so it was a little hard to work on unless I was Feeling that angst, you get me? Anyways we're moving into Plot Important parts which should hopefully, explain, why i broke my no angst rule here. anyways love yall kiss kiss be back soon!
> 
> [Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


	10. xxv - xxvi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year Two: Mid April to Early July

## xxv. 

The Dib was a worthy enemy, he’d decided recently. Zim had pretty much always found the bratty human disaster an entertaining adversary but now it was official. All that was left was to actually tell the Dib that he was the only motherfucker on this planet who could handle Zim, GIR excluded. That said, Zim was _ not _ doing that yet.

Instead, Zim was waiting on a phone call. He’d had to actually figure out how to give himself a human phone number for this plan, but he hoped it’d work. It was the culmination of almost a year of continued advancements on an old scheme of his. The living room of his base was surely going to have lines wore into the floor soon if his current state was any indication. But if this worked, he wouldn't be going back to the Dib at all. No, no, the Dib would come crawling back to him and Zim would have the satisfaction of having never given up their rivalry. He paced, trying to distract his nervous energy with daydreams of lording something over the taller human.

At some point, GIR joined him in the disaster of the living room. He was certain that while he was distracted a mess had been made in the kitchen but pausing to inspect might cause him to miss his phone call. Zim elected to just keep walking rather than paying it any attention. GIR started whining from where he was standing, pulling off the hood to his dog costume to better emote. To alleviate some of GIR’s distressed noises, Zim picked up the little robot and set him on his head, where GIR balanced carefully. The waiting was killing him though, how did humans go through this on a regular basis?

“Yous seem stressed, Masta!” GIR commented from his throne atop Zim’s head. 

“Zim is not!” He retorted immediately, nearly dislodging the robot as he shook his head. “Zim is filled with… anticipation. It is not stress. That is something very different, I will have you know GIR.”

“So whataya ant-icee-patin’?” GIR started reaching for the ends of Zim’s antennae and the alien had to quickly whip them out of his robot’s reach. “Same thing as a’fore?”

“Yes, GIR, I am still waiting to hear back from the worker-drones about the job position.” Zim bent down and scooped a page up off the ground. His blocky, scrawling handwriting covered both the front and back in an itemized list. “It is important to the progress of this plan, and having a place of human employment will be a boon to the continuation of my disguise here on Earth.”

“An what’s the plan ‘gain?”

“GIR I’m literally holding the plan right in front of you.”

“Ma eyes’re closed!”

Zim sighed and scoured the page for the step he was currently on. “Today Zim is hired at the University Radio Station. We just need to wait for the phone call to confirm it, and note down when my “shifts” will be so the next step can be planned. Once Zim has gained the trust and support of the other workers, we will swap out the regular versions of as many songs as possible with our own versions. It is then just a matter of time before the humans fall before the might of an Irken Invader!”

GIR finally managed to reach out and snag an antenna while Zim was distracted and tugged on it gleefully. “Whose the invader?”

“Zim! Zim is the invader!” He shouted as he reached up a hand to his robot only to have it swatted away. “GIR, stop that.” 

The little bundle of metal in a pile of shoddy green fabric only giggled maniacally as it pulled again. 

Zim gasped for a moment in pain before regaining himself. He shook his head violently, actually trying to dislodge his little minion this time, but only managing to get GIR to tighten his grip. “GIR LET GO! I will put you in the scrap heap!”

“I LIKE THE SCRAP HEAP!” GIR squealed as he tugged on his master’s antenna a final time before jumping down sprinting off to safety. 

Zim started chasing after the little bot before realizing that if he got distracted he’d miss the all-important call. Instead of letting out all his anger at GIR, who was cackling from within the base’s ducts as he travelled towards the scrap heap in the lab, Zim took a deep breath and forced his eyes shut. It was a habit he’d seen and known of long before landing on Earth, but Zim had to admit he never really understood its usefulness until watching Gaz attempt to calm herself rather than beat up the Dib and get all three of them kicked out of class. In the Empire, there was no problem a good fight couldn’t seem to solve, but here he needed to maintain his disguise. 

So instead of going and giving his robot a thrashing, Zim calmed his breathing and then returned to his pacing in the middle of the living room. GIR’s maniacal laughter drifted up through the ductwork and made the most miserable background to his stress. After a few minutes, he felt his spooch was beating at a regular pace and he began his walking again. The time passed slowly after that. 

Zim would never admit to it, but he was nearly ready to throw in the towel when the phone finally rang, beeping out a little tune from his pocket. 

“Uh, uh, hello?” the suddenness of it left him giving out a less than elegant answer.

_ “Hello! Is this Zim Vader speaking?” _

“This is Zim!” He forced the anxious trill to sound as much like pure confidence as possible. An Invader doesn’t get anxious, he told himself. “Who is calling?”

_ “Sadie Crenshaw. From FBFR on campus?” _

Of course it would be her, she was the only person outside of the Membrane household who had his number. “Oh of course. Hello, _ Sadie _.” Zim paused. Some sort of dumb human pleasantry was the appropriate response, right? “It is … good to hear from you.”

She laughed a little. _ “It is very good to hear from you too! After your amazing performance in the interview, I knew you’d be a shoe-in for the position.” _

So Zim got the job? “Of course! Zim was the perfect choice.”

_ “I’m glad you feel the same! That confidence will come in handy once you're on the air.” _ Sadie paused and he could hear the sound of something dull tapping against something hollow. It was a pen against a coffee cup probably. _ “Normally your first shift is three or four days after you get hired but I have a favour to ask. The intern who was supposed to come in tonight had an emergency and is out of commission for the next week at least. We’ve been able to schedule all her shifts away except the one for 4:30 this afternoon. Would you be free to start so soon?” _

That was only an hour and a bit from now. It’d take no time to get to the university again, but … there was no way he could clean up GIR’s disaster _ and _ his own mess. Zim looked at the disaster that was his living room. It made his PAK buzz to look at for too long, but, for the sake of the plan cleaning it could be put off. Anything for the plan. “Absolutely.”

_ “Great! If you could arrive at the station for then, I’ll be in the lobby ready to give you a tour and get the training stuff out of the way for the night.” _ She sounded genuinely excited. If Zim was able to play things up for her, he might be able to move things faster than expected. _ “Thanks, Zim.” _

“No, thank _ you, _ Sadie.” Zim ended the call as a grin spread out over his face. A PAK leg came out to grasp the phone while his smile quickly became face-splitting and manic giggles started to bubble out of him. 

Things were finally looking up. 

The sound of GIR’s own nonsensical laughter drifted out of the ventilation shafts. The reminder that the clock was ticking for Zim to clean up the mess the broken bot had made in the kitchen was a mood dampener for sure. He allowed himself one more cackle before trudging off to find his extra-large cleaning over-gloves.

  
  


Zim had arrived at the radio station with his hopes high that he could charm his way through training on day one. He had indeed been shown around the studio’s few rooms in the student’s union building’s basement. Sadie Crenshaw, the woman who had run his interview, was a university employee. She wore denim overalls with a big pocket on the front over top an old t-shirt with dyed orange hair in pigtail-puffs atop her head. She smiled so broadly at seeing him that Zim was sure he would have things “in the bag” as humans would say.

It didn’t _ quite _ work out like that in reality though. Sadie had him sign some paperwork and fill out much of his information, plenty of which was made up in the weeks leading up to this, based on suggestions found online, or failing that, made up on the spot. At least he had an address officially for years now, since he had needed that to get into the school in general. After the paperwork, Zim was taken into the secondary booth and given the rundown on this specific station’s equipment. He was shown to the song storage room (“We still use hard copies, unfortunately. Can’t seem to work up the funding to go fully digital.”) and the ‘meet-n-greet’ room, where his interview had actually taken place, and then outside the station’s area into the open hall of the student’s union building. From there, a big window with its curtains currently open let them see into the primary recording studio and the person live on the air.

Sadie waved at them while she talked with Zim. “So with your experience having interned already, we’re likely going to expedite your progress as long as everything goes well. You’ll probably get set up for a few promotional events, with the other interns especially, but I’m going to see what I can do about getting you in the station for most of our shifts.” She clapped him on the shoulder and took a folded page out of one of her pockets. “Here’s the temporary schedule list for you. Look it over and let me know if you have any conflicts.”

Zim took the sheet and scanned the page. When he had submitted his (extremely falsified) resume, they had also asked for his remaining class schedule and final exam schedule as well. There was a shift listed after his computing final, but it was scheduled with an hour in between. Not perfect, he wouldn’t be able to hang around the Membrane’s for very long at least, but he could make it work. The only other conflicting thing was that GIR had wanted to do a game night on the same day as his next shift. Zim would just convince him to do it another day, it certainly wasn’t worth trying to change a shift over.

“It all looks appropriate.” Zim nodded as he passed the sheet back. 

Sadie folded it back up and returned it to one of her pockets. “Well good. Go get a coffee or something then come on back. I’ll print you off an official copy of your schedule and then, once you get back, I’ll get started on showing you our storage sorting system.”

Nothing on campus was particularly safe for him to eat, but Zim nodded anyways. He waited for a moment before wandering away while Sadie waved him off. In a perfect world, he would be able to enact the next phase of the plan during his next shift, bit Zim didn’t think that was feasible at the moment. No matter, he thought, he wasn’t finished working on the subliminal messages anyways. 

Zim wondered if he had time to hop in the voot and drive home for a celebratory snack before coming back. Preemptively celebratory snack. He shrugged and made his way towards the spot he had hidden the voot on campus. A little sugar snack wouldn’t hurt, Zim reasoned, especially since he knew that things would go his way in the end. He was an Invader, he would make sure it went his way.

## xxvi. 

Dib walked into the living room of his family home and dropped his bag to the floor with a heavy thud. It was nice to be back in his own space again, even if only for a little while. He’d barely finished his sigh of relief when a dark force had him shoved against the wall and all the air knocked out of him. Dib sputtered and hacked as he tried to refill his lungs. His glasses had gone askew but as he tried to focus on getting his bearings instead of the arm against his throat, he made out the shock of violet hair in front of him.

“G...ghck, G-Gaz?”

“Keep quiet and I might let you survive the next few minutes.” The forearm against his throat pressed in a little further and it had him wheezing. “Good of you to come back, Stink-ball.”

“H-hey Gaz…? Mind, hhyck, letting me go?”

The arm that was holding him against the wall let up slightly before pulling back completely. Dib breathed deep for a moment before a fist was flung full force into his stomach and he was suddenly gasping again on the floor. 

“Hey Dib,” Gaz mumbled as she knelt over his prone body. “Welcome home.”

Dib started to groan back. “Why… did you punch me?”

“Payback.” Gaz leaned down and flicked at Dib’s face. It took her a few tries to get the appropriately pained response she was looking for. “You’re constantly annoying me, Dib, even when you’re not here.”

“What did I do?” He paused to cough and roll over onto his side before starting to push himself upright. “C’mon Gaz, you can’t blame me for _ everything _.”

“I can, and I will.” She pushed up fully and wandered further into the house, stopping only to take a seat at the kitchen table. “Zim and GIR have been restless with you gone.”

“Those two?” Dib called as he struggled to stand, still wheezing. “You can’t blame me for _ anything _ those two get up to anymore. Zim hasn’t put an actual attempt on taking over the world in months, and he’s got that job now or whatever.”

“His house blew up last week.”

“Oh, I bet that’s what the litt - And you’re going to blame that on me?” Dib sputtered. He took a seat beside Gaz with another wheeze. “I’ve been gone for at least three!”

She slapped the table between them. “That’s probably _ why _ it blew up, idiot!” There was a pause. “Little what?” 

leaning back in his chair, Dib tried to look aloof. “Not my problem anymore. I’ve got scanners set up for the usual plots, so unless it’s got something to do with that, it’s not my problem Gaz. I couldn’t care less what he’s up to.”

“Of course you do, Moth-brain.” Gaz levelled a glare at him. “Otherwise you never would have agreed to go on the tour with Dad. There's nothing you can say to convince me otherwise. I know you too well. Lie to yourself all you want, Dib, but your sister already knows the truth.”

The indignation rose in him like a river in a flood. “You’re wrong, Gaz. If I cared, I'd be here, watching my cams and mics for the next move he makes!”

A single eyebrow disappeared into her purple bangs. She didn't say anything, it was an acknowledgement that she had stepped over the line. There would be no apology. 

“He beat me up, ignored me for a month, and then right before exams he basically disappeared! He's ignoring me again, he hasn't plotted anything in months.” Dib found himself hunching down in his chair as if to close off from the memory. “If I see him in public, we’ll make eye contact and then he'll pretend I’m not even there. We were almost _ friends _, and for a second, we were enemies again and now we’re nothing. I want to go back to how it was.”

By the time he had run out of breath, Dib had pulled his arms up onto the table and hid his head in his hands. He looked up just in time to see her grimace and rise from the table. “Where are you going?”

She rolled her eyes behind her characteristic squint. “I’m grabbing a snack, dumbo. Not that I care about your sob story much anyways.”

Dib lifted his head enough to stick his tongue out at her. While Gaz went digging through the fridge, he saw her pause to rub at her marked knuckles. For a moment he felt a flash of remorse, so far from his own feelings but too familiar to have belonged to anyone else.

“So,” Gaz started as she sat back down. “Are you going to talk to Zim?”

Dib’s head fell back onto the table for a light thunk. “About what?”

“I don’t know, mothball, maybe about how you actually feel.” She opened her fresh cola and took a small sip.

“That is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever said to me.” Dib’s voice felt muffled in his own ears as it bounced off the table before reflecting back to him. “Never ask me about my feelings again Gaz.”

“Would you ask GIR to stop digging holes in the yard?” 

“Absolutely not. I have another month away from this shit town I don’t want to deal with any of this.”

“At least let me pick where we do your birthday dinner then when you get back”

“Ew. Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. That would be really nice to hear. So to be perfectly honest, this chapter was hard to work on bc my mental health has been taking some serious hits this month, and i was Already Nervous about how this one would go over. Zim as a radio show host was literally the idea that inspired this whole fic but its ... so out there! I dont think i've seen anything like that before. idk im writing this pre posting and im a little nervous!  
Anyways. considering what all has been going on irl I'm not even going to pretend to try for a regular once-a-week upload for the next chapter. Instead I hope you'll stick around for whenever it's actually done. See you next time! kiss
> 
> **edit:2020/01/27 - fixed some continuity stuff **
> 
> [Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


	11. xxvii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year Two - Mid-Late August

##  xxvii

Work had not gone as planned for Invader Zim. It wasn’t a strange statement, his various assignments over the years had always gone off the rails at some point, that much he was willing to acknowledge. Today had been different though. Things had quite possibly gone  _ better _ than expected for everyone involved. Well, except for the fact his PAK was stuffed to the brim with tampered CDs he had meant to switch out with the originals and didn’t have a chance to.

If it weren’t for the fact his boss Sadie was going to be  _ promoting _ him, Zim probably would have been rather upset that for the second week in a row he hadn’t been left alone long enough to enact his latest scheme. But now, now he would have all the time in the world. Zim was going to be all-powerful during the hours of 10pm-12am and nobody could stop him! Things were looking up! His human disguise (which was currently simulating being affected by the slight breeze phenomenally) was working so well not only was he getting by, he was actually excelling in his life here.

Zim was nearly skipping down the street as he headed to the Membrane household. He didn't bother with knocking, he just walked straight in and sat on the couch beside Gaz. There was no confusion or hesitation in the action, the past few months had been certainly strange. He kept his hologram up for posterity’s sake but for the first time all day, let his antenna reach past it. It felt good to stretch them out from their cramped position. 

“So what do you want Zim?” Gaz asked plainly, not looking away from her game. 

“Zim is being promoted.” He paused trying to remember if he was pronouncing that word correctly. “The worker drone who does the “late-night” show is going on paternity leave early, so Zim is being given her show.”

“It's  **ma** -ternity leave when it's a woman.” Gaz’s expression soured. “They can't just give someone's position away permanently if they're taking a leave of absence.”

“Eh, apparently when she returns it will be in an administrative position. Worker drone to bureaucracy drone. My boss said that she was very pleased with the news.” Zim squished himself into the couch a little more. He’d only been coming over with any regularity during the last month, but he knew his preferred seat on the furniture. "She had apparently requested the transfer. So much preparation is needed for smeet-rearing. Disgusting." He shrugged. "It gets Zim the deserved promotion so whatever."

“Congrats then.”

“Thanks. Any word of the Dib-thing and your father?” 

“Same old bullshit.” She grit her teeth. Zim has no idea what game she was playing, he didn't care about things like that, but he figured she was taking out some frustration through it. “Dib doesn't know what Dad’s planning, but he refuses to ask. Dad won't say anything either. He’s too excited that Dib is “finally showing actual interest in the family business” and might extend the tour again.”

“No!” Zim’s hands clenched into fists of their own accord. “It's bad enough he has been gone all summer, the Dib smelly can't be gone during the school term too!”

“Would you believe that Dad kept him for his birthday and tried to get us to celebrate it when they were home for that weekend in July?”

“Zim still doesn't understand the importance of birthing days but it only proves that Dib has been gone for too long!”

Gaz paused her game and turned to him, voice quiet but full of ire. “I still blame you for this, just so you know.”

“What?” He squawked, anger being replaced by indignation as he nearly jumped up from the couch. “How is this Zim’s fault?”

“You know exactly how!” She took a deep breath and turned very pointedly back towards the screen. Gaz was doing her best to stay composed. “How can you expect him to get it if you don't explain it to him. You know how Dib is.”

“Zim shouldn’t have to explain it! He spends so long studying me, he should understand Irken habits by now!” Zim grabbed one of his antennae and began pinching the end of it, hoping the sudden pain would distract from his frustration. “How are we supposed to be equals if I’m always explaining things!”

“Well if you don't explain it, he’s just going to keep thinking that you wanted to …” She sighed heavily. “You won't have to  _ keep _ talking about it, frog face. Just do it once and you’ll be good to go.”

“It's an  _ unspoken _ thing on Irk.”

“You explained it to me!”

“You tried to beat me up!” Zim squawked again.

“Yeah?” She paused to do something in the game before sending Zim another glare. Her level-headedness was quickly fading in the face of Zim’s pure emotion. “Just because he’s… you know, doesn't mean anything. Tell him it was part of your “superior” Irken rituals or I’ll spray you with the fucking hose! Be his equal or leave!”

“You don't scare me, worm baby! Even if you are occasionally more competent than y-”

“Hello Gazleen!” The front door flew open with a whoosh but was caught before it could crash into the wall. Zim, in his half-standing position had a clear view of the Membrane Patriarch who was currently filling the doorway and had his son under his arm. The light from outside was almost fully blocked by his imposing frame. “Oh, and hello Gazleen’s friend!”

“Hey, Dad.” Gaz paused her game and ran up to give Membrane a hug. “That's Zim.” She said, pointing over her shoulder. “He’s more of Dib’s friend than mine.” Whatever comradire Gaz and Zim cultivated earlier was interrupted entirely and she got a wicked grin on her face.

Zim’s hologram was good, able to recreate the look of wind through hair or an unexpected blush, but he wasn't sure if it paled as deeply as it would need too to convey his emotion of horror. This could _not_ be happening. Dib, not quite limp in his father’s grasp, looked about how Zim felt, actually. He felt his spooch drop to the depths of hell and slowly retracted his antenna. If he was a praying alien, he’d have prayed nobody noticed the two thin appendages which had been extended far past the edges of his hologram. 

“Oh! Well, it's good to meet you then Zim. I’ve got Dib right here. Strange boy was just leaning up on the door instead of coming in.” Membrane sounded like he was smiling under his collar as he set Dib down in front of him and brushed his son off slightly. Dib started swaying immediately. “I’m sure you three have plenty to catch up on. Bye, kids!” 

With that, Membrane stepped around them, disappeared into the kitchen, and if the door slam was any signifier, into the basement. His face looked almost vacant, twinged red and staring at the floor. 

Gaz took the two steps needed to be right at his side. “Okay Dib, before I decide if I should throttle you for being gone for so long or not, Zim has something to say.” She threw an arm over his shoulder and shook him slightly. “Pay attention, I doubt he’ll say it again.” 

Zim, still in shock, just watched the pair. As the human saying went, “Speak of the Devil and he shall appear.” He  _ really _ wasn't expecting the Dib to show up today. He wasn't emotionally prepared yet. 

Gaz shook Dib again, just a little, while she opened a single eye to watch Zim. “So? Let's hear it.” 

Zim turned away and crossed his arms. This could  _ not _ be happening. It was just like the dumb idiot stink brained asshole human to come at just the right time to be the biggest nuisance possible.

“Zim?” Gaz’s expression didn’t change but there was an implied threat. 

The part of Zim’s PAK which was stroked by spite clicked on. He turned back towards them mechanically. Zim didn’t have a nose, but he liked the idea humans had of throwing their head back when gloating over someone. He hoped that it would help him retain  _ some _ dignity. “Human drone known as Dib Membrane. From this moment onward, you are officially designated as my arch-nemesis. This is a very serious Irken title and you  _ will _ give it the respect it deserves, or I  _ will _ gut you like the disgusting worm baby you are.”

Dib’s head perked up slightly and his eyes regained some focus. “You … You’ve been calling us rivals this whole time though?”

“ECK! As  _ if _ ! The tradition of ** Amlus Dlekts ** is  _ leagues  _ more  _ refined  _ and  _ honourable  _ than anything your pitiful race has ever come up with!” Zim spat, breaking his pose in anger. “Human rivals and Amlus Dlekts are  _ nothing _ alike!” As soon as he realized his outburst, Zim reverted to attempting a cold and aloof state. “AS ZIM WAS SAYING! Dib-pig. This means your death belongs to Zim. That is all.”

Gaz was still watching him, but Dib as back to staring at the floor. There would be no argument, obviously, though Zim did sort of wish he had been given time to prepare. Since he was forced to announce it, maybe using his flame thrower and the snake launcher would have made it more impressive. Even if it had been a lacklustre display, there was no way Dib would reject him. After all this time? Simply impossible. Zim was too good to pass up. 

That knowledge didn't stop his PAK from buzzing nervously on his back. His organs felt like liquid, sloshing around as he nodded a simple goodbye to them both and quickly exited the Membrane household. 

It took him sprinting all the way back home before it no longer felt like he was going to explode with excess energy. It was only a week before classes started up again. A week for him to practice pretending this never happened. Zim burst through his front door and felt his spooch  _ finally _ go back to a somewhat normal pace. One week. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! i know this one is, fairly short, but I had this segment finished, and not the next one that was supposed to go with it before deciding to take a hiatus from this fic. Most fics. posted writings in general. i'm not going to spill all the gory details, but I've gotten to the point I can't participate in any conversations with more than 2 other people without risking an anxiety attack, posting original content of any form is ridiculously hard. A break will help, hopefully, so we're now officially on hiatus.
> 
> Anyways, I didn't want to leave yall hanging! so please enjoy this! thank you for the support and well wishes on the last chapter! I'm going to take some dedicated time writing for just me, things which may never get posted but are still fun to think about (oh taz:BOB, u own my heart) and working more on that mental health.
> 
> I want to wish everyone the best in 2020, this February, and every month until I see you all again! Kiss!!!
> 
> [Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


	12. xxviii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year Three - September

There was another term; another set of classes. Dib waited in the breezeway that connected the shitty old miscellaneous building and the slightly newer business building thinking about how he’d rather be caught dead than have a class over here. The science buildings weren't just newer, they were also more modern and better kept. Despite the fact that the summer swelter hadn't ended yet, his classrooms were all well ventilated and kept cool. He hadn't even been waiting for long enough to get through the coffee line and already sweat was beading on his forehead. 

The fact another school term had already started really had his mind going in circles. He’d kinda gotten caught up in things over the summer; helping his dad with the science tour, avoiding Zim, trying to throw himself into whatever small task was in front of him at the moment. The return to school routine meant that he should have been able to slip back into his habits. Dib absently brushed some sweat off his forehead and wondered if things would go back to normal or if this was it now. 

Dib was sipping at his only comfort, the bottom dredges of an iced coffee when he saw Gaz and Zim entering the breezeway. “Guys, hey!” He waved as he called out. “Over here!”

There was a moment where they both looked around warily before Gaz smiled and waved back and Zim nodded at him. Zim’s weird neutrality was a new development, and even after whatever the weird confession in his living room had been a few weeks back, Dib didn’t trust it.

Gaz still greeted him all the same though. “Hey, bitch-boy. How was your nerd class?”

“Lame,” he replied. “But - we were let out after like 15 minutes so I had time to get a drink.” He shook his cup a little, listening to the ice move around. “How was your dusty class?”

“Eh.”

“Human history will always be fascinating for how _ dumb _ you all are.”

“Zim, shut up.”

That was probably the strangest part of getting home. Sometimes it felt like looking in a mirror, watching them fight just like he and Gaz did. Those walls he’d set up months back (or years back, started tearing down slowly, and then reconstructed months back) felt too thin when he watched them interact.

Zim wasn’t human. 

Don’t forget.

Keep your guard raised.

Well, sure, he thought to himself. It’s _ easy _ when it's put like that. But it didn’t stop his heart from panging out in jealousy to see them so close. “So, lunch?”

Gaz snorted. “Are you paying?”

“Well, technically, Dad is.”

Everyone barked out a laugh at that. It made Dib’s skin crawl a little, to see Zim understand the joke and be comfortable enough to laugh along. He shook his head and tried to ignore it. “Alright, I’m thinking either the pizza in CAB or the chickey-lickey’s in HUB.”

Gaz looked at Zim and he shrugged before she shrugged as well. “Chickey-lickey’s I guess. I haven’t been there in a while.”

“Neat.” Dib tried not to be short with his sister. He was fairly certain he failed when Gaz sighed

She shook her head and just started walking off. Dib and Zim watched her go for a moment before they both shook their heads and followed. It took a second to register that he and Zim had reacted the same. That gave him a moment of pause, and he felt something in him sour just that little bit further as he followed Gaz to the correct building. 

“So what do you have next?” Gaz asked Zim as the alien caught up. 

He laughed, throwing his head back. “Nothing! The mighty Zim is free!~”

Dib watched Zim’s holographic hair flutter from the movement. He didn’t say anything, just followed. The three of them walked. Or rather, two walked and one followed. They kept walking.

Half a year, nearly, is a long time to hold a grudge. And as he walked behind them, Dib wondered if he could just get over it already. If he could get some of that friendship too. What had Gaz told him a long time ago? That he'd look like an _ ass _when Zim realized Earth was worth something? Dib turned out the actual words but couldn't stop himself from listening to the genuine laughs as the two conversed. He certainly felt like an ass. 

He just didn’t understand! They’d been back in school for a week, and Zim wanted to pretend like nothing had happened, but Dib couldn’t let it go. Not quite. Back then, he couldn’t bear to look at the back injury he’d suffered during their fight and instead got Gaz to clean it for him. Now it felt sacrilegious to consider inspecting it. Gaz and Zim were friends and for some reason, without any real apology or clarification, Zim wanted to be friends with him too. Real friends maybe. Hopefully.

But Dib couldn’t forget. 

_ Keep your guard’s raised. _

He didn’t want to! Dib missed his best friend! 

He was startled out of his thoughts by a hand slapping his chest. 

“Hey, dork, we’re here.” Gaz was pointing ahead of herself to a line a few people long. “I just want my usual. What about you?”

Dib shrugged, unsure of how he’d tuned out so fully during the short walk over. He had been led up a staircase between the buildings but had no recollection of it, no there was just the laughs he wished he had been part of. “Probably mine too. It’s hard to think about getting anything else.”

Gaz nodded absently, already expecting that. “What about you, Zim?”

Before he could stop himself, Dib had to ask. “Can you even eat anything from here?”

“Eh,” Zim shrugged. “Perhaps Zim could physically ingest the food, but it certainly wouldn’t be any good.”

That startled a laugh out of him. It was honest, almost too honest. What was he supposed to say to that? Why had Zim said it?

Gaz quirked an eyebrow at him, but Zim just grinned. They both seemed to move on without bothering to ponder why Dib was standing there cod-mouthed. He figured he should be grateful, even if it didn’t solve any of his problems. 

“Alright, card?” Gaz held out a hand and waited.

It took Dib a second to realize she was talking to him, and then another for him to dig out his wallet and the requested card to pay with. He groaned as he did it more for the routine of it than any actual hesitation to hand over his money. 

Gaz always went to pay and he secured a seat. So now, Zim and Gaz were going to go buy the group’s lunch and Dib could go find a table for them and that would buy him some time to get his shit together. At least enough that he could pretend every moment in the alien’s presence wasn’t torturous. 

“Well, Dib-smelly. Which direction should we look for a table?”

“There’s normally one or two near the - wait.” Dib stopped himself, doing a double-take to look at his side. “Zim? Why are you coming with me?”

“Should Zim not?” He looked equally confused. 

“What? No, it’s - if you want to then whatever.” Dib shrugged. Was he making it weird? It felt like he was making it weird. “Uh, anyway, there’s normally a few free further down.”

Zim nodded and started walking. He glanced over his shoulder to ensure Dib was actually following before getting a sly grin on his face and darting into the crowd. Confused, Dib tried to slip between the same people only to have them adjust a bit, tripping him as he moved. 

“Oh shit, sorry man!” One of them said as they pulled Dib to his feet. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Dib responded, eyes already darting around to figure out where Zim went. Fuck, this was so much easier when he was still green! “Did you see where my, uh, my friend went?”

He barely registered the person shaking their head before he was off, trying to weave between the crowd again. Dib was tall, but not quite tall enough and the end of class lunch rush was starting out in full swing. The design of the building meant that he was generally walking in a single direction while keeping his eyes on the people heading in the other direction.

There was a moment where Dib was considering going back to where Gaz was no doubt still in line but before he could decide, Dib was yet again on the floor. When was the last time he had had skinned knees? He groaned and pulled himself up, eyes searching for what he tripped on. 

Sticking out in the walkway was a small foot, covered in a leather boot and going up to tight pants and a pink hoodie. 

“Oh? Dib, I didn’t realize you were so excited to worship your future ruler.” The foot wiggled while a nasally voice snickered.

Dib sighed and pushed himself up. “As if, jerk.” The old banter slipped out of him, as he slid into a seat at Zim’s table. “I’d rather put your head on a platter.”

A loud laugh rang out and Dib’s stomach churned at the sound. He didn’t have the heart to watch Zim’s false-human face as he laughed like that.   
_Don’t trust him_, his brain said.

Shut up, he said back.

Dib just sat there, looking anywhere else and fidgeting until Gaz showed up with their food on an ugly purple tray. She wordlessly sat in the seat beside Zim, across from Dib, handed back his credit card, and started eating. After glancing at the alien to … well, maybe just out of habit, Dib pulled his burger and fries over before starting to eat too. Without anything else to do, Zim pulled out his phone to toy with. They all sat in silence, consumed by their own tasks until Gaz’s phone in her pocket started going off. 

“Huh,” she murmured, staring down at it, before getting up and walking away.

Dib sat up a little straighter, glancing between her and Zim. “What’s up, Gaz?”

“Just gotta take care of something.” She took a moment to brush any crumbs off her skirt before starting to walk away. 

Across from him, Zim looked just as confused. Dib turned to follow her in the quickly moving crowd. “Are you coming back?”

Gaz’s head disappeared into the throng of people still taller than her but her voice carried over all of them. “Stuff it, Dib!”

He turned back to see Zim looking almost scared. For a moment he wondered if there was some sort of error in the alien’s hologram before Zim made eye contact and seemed to pale further. Dib just coughed and made a point of picking up some food to eat. 

Once he’d finished that bite, Zim at least looked like he was back to normal. Dib couldn’t make eye contact though and quickly turned away. The fries were lacklustre as always, but they made a perfectly valid shield from having to talk to Zim. 

No, no. Any weirdness between them was _ fine. _ He’d get over it. Zim and Gaz could be friends, he’d keep his eyes open for world-domination plans, and otherwise move on, right?

Dib nearly choked on the gummy potato in his mouth at the wave of anguish that brought him. He quickly swallowed and went back to trying to play it cool. He could get through it.

Something small smacked him in the forehead, drawing Dib out of his thoughts. He glanced down to see a fry sitting on top of his burger and Zim staring down his holographic nose at him. 

"What?"

“Gazleen has left. Why are you still -” Zim paused and eyed him over before grimacing. “-acting like you have bugs in your shoes?”

“Ants. It’s ‘ants’ not just bugs in general.” Dib said around a bite of his burger. He wasn’t even going to mention the shoes vs pants bit. “‘Nd I’m not.”

“You are.” Zim poked at one of the fries on Dib’s tray. 

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Jesus, anything for an argument huh, Zim.” Dib drawled, annoyed. He just wanted to eat in peace. Having to deal with conflicting thoughts of his rival was bad enough, but having to deal with the alien himself being a nuisance on top of it felt like it was just too much. 

Zim bristled and for a moment Dib swore he could see the other’s antenna protruding from his hologram. “What is your problem?”

Dib sat mouth agape. “What’s my problem?” He pushed the tray away and crossed his arms, fuming. “My problem was that you totally flipped the switch on me and then tried to go back to not-quite-normal, normal but two feet to the left, and I don’t know what to think.”

“It’s not that hard, boy-worm.” Zim glared but turned away. “You should be able to figure it out.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have to.”

“It’s not that hard, Dib. Really. Use that big fucking head of yours.”

Dib kicked at Zim’s leg under the table. “I will walk away. You want things to go back? Want me to understand where we stand? Then fucking spill, Space boy.”

Zim didn’t even wince, narrowing his eyes further before sighing and waving a hand. “You are going to owe me, I suppose. Having one over on you will be good blackmail. So fine. Zim will do all the hard work and explain whatever you want. Ask your question.”

“Why’d you stop talking to me?” Dib absently took another bite of his burger. It helped him appear casual instead of about to flip his fucking lid, and he _ was _ still hungry. “Last year, I mean. The first time.”

Zim looked away before sighing and turning back. “Zim was … frustrated. Human customs are confusing. Irken society is far superior.”

Dib idly scratched at the words written across his knuckles. Was it that simple? No, couldn’t be, right? “So you just stopped talking to me because you decided you didn’t get humans anymore. After living here and -” he paused to groan “-_ somehow _ successfully blending in for over a year, that you didn’t get humans?”

Zim grinned. “Aha! So you admit Zim has been successfully infiltrating your pitiful society!”

“Answer the question, Zim.”

Zim flopped back into his chair, head hitting the metal backrest with a soft thud. Of course he was going to be as dramatic about all of this as possible, Dib thought, annoyed. 

“It was… a difference in tradition.” Zim eventually said, waving a lazy hand rather than pull himself up.

“Tradition?” Dib had to admit, that piqued his interest. He kicked at Zim’s legs under the table, trying to get him to come back to the conversation. “What tradition?”

“Uggggggh.” Zim picked himself off the back of the chair, glaring the whole time. “Zim has already told you before.”

Dib grabbed a fry and munched thoughtfully. Was he actually going to get some useful information? “Wait, do you mean that amulos d- de- dektos thing?”

“Amlus Dlekt.”

“Sure, that’s what I said.”

“No, it’s not! You sully my language with your clumsy tongue.”

“Uh, yeah, it totally was. Your antenna must be broken.”

Zim reached a hand up, almost letting it pass into his hologram before he caught himself. “I am _ fine _, Dib,” he seethed quietly through gritted teeth. “Now, as I was-”

“So explain it.” Dib cut him off. He was sure he was about to mispronounce the words again but they weighed foreign and heavy on his tongue. “This Amulus Delckt thing.”

“_ Amlus Dlekt _ is a sacred irken bond.”

“Yeah, you’ve already said as much,” Dib muttered. That was about the _ only _ thing Zim had said when he first used the term a few weeks back. 

Zim glared in response. “It is why we have _ two _ Tallests. Now be quiet.”

Dib sighed again and popped the last of his food into his mouth. After a moment, he motioned for the other to keep going. 

“Pay attention, Dib. I will not be repeating this.” Zim kicked at his shins under the table in retaliation. “Irk holds fighting prowess and battle skills in the highest regard. If a defender or invader cannot hold their own, they are less than the dirt under Irk’s mighty heel. The programming for creating ruthless warriors can occasionally work too well.” Zim shrugged. “The result of the Control brains simply being _ too _ good at what they do. It’s unavoidable.”

Dib internally rolled his eyes at that. Typical. 

“Biology cannot be completely eradicated, unfortunately, leading to even Irk’s finest like Zim, still having squishy bits. Things which cannot be … programmed out. For the low-level warriors, your Dlektus is the Irken who’s biological code most closely matches your own.” Zim got a too-wide grin on his face. For a human it looks just wrong enough to be disconcerting but Dib knew under that hologram, Zim looked downright feral. “For powerful Irkens like myself and the rest of the invader class or above, it’s the person who most closely matches your own power and skill. If Zim were to ever go haywire, defective, and act as a detriment to the Empire, you, stinky-Dib-thing, would have the pleasure of being the one to track me down.”

He tried to take it in stride. It sounded like… a more bureaucratic version of the rivalry they already had, right? But, also more complicated. Biological code? Power matching? Fuck even the two Tallests thing was complicated. “So it's like… a fighty-er version of human soulmates?”

“Sure, whatever, if that’s how your puny human brain wishes to understand it,” Zim allowed. 

“Why not just get someone more powerful to track down a-” Dib shivered. “-defective Irken?”

“Ah! That’s where the squishy bits come in!”

Dib was sure his confusion read on his face. At least Zim seemed to be enjoying explaining it all. In the back of his mind, Dib wondered what the people walking past thought of what they were overhearing.

“Irkens need someone to fight with until they’ve worn themselves out and can be re-educated. Otherwise, all the resources put into training would be wasted,” Zim said. “I can tell when you go easy during a fight. It’s the most effective way to incapacitate an Irken without killing them.”

Well, yeah, Dib thought. Make _ anyone _ tired enough and they’re incapacitated. That seemed simple to deduce once he had all the pieces. Well, pieces of that at least. Dib wondered if he could keep asking. “So what does that have to do with the “difference in tradition,” you said you were having?”

For just the slightest of moments, Dib thought he saw fear on Zim’s face before the Alien was glaring at him. “You’re stupid, but not _ that _ stupid, Big Head.”

“Oh? What was that?” Dib smirked. “D-did Zim just compliment me? Some, call the presses!”

“Ssssshut up!” Zim hissed. “You’re ugly! Zim would not compliment you!”

“No, no, roll that one back, folks! I’m sure I heard you say that I'm better than the rest of the people you deal with,” Dib laughed. He faltered for a moment when he realized what he was doing, but he couldn’t hide the fact he was having fun.

“But still _ leagues _ stupider than Zim!”

Dib leaned back and cackled. Even after so long, he still knew _ exactly _ how to ruffle Zim’s feathers. “That means you agree I’m smarter than everyone else, Don’t worry, I won’t hold you recognizing greatness against you.”

“I am the only greatness here, worm,” Zim said through gritted teeth before sighing and forcing himself to calm down. 

It took Dib all he had not to snicker at that. It … well if he was honest, that was exactly the sort of answer he was expecting: that it was just a misunderstanding. Even when the two of them were perfectly matched, they never seemed to be on the same page. Zim gave him a strange look and that did get Dib to break a little. _ Don’t trust him _, came a far off background thought and Dib pushed it away. 

He _ really _ missed his friend. And if they were making up now, it meant that they were really friends this time. Not just kinda sorta. Right? He could puzzle the rest of it out later, but he shouldn’t have to worry about this anymore.

“Are we friends?”

Zim looked confused.

“I mean,” Dib faltered for a second, self-conscious. “We basically were before, right? Why not make it official this time?”

“The almighty overlord Zim, future ruler of this planet doesn’t need friends.”

“Good thing you’re not him then, huh, Zim, college student?”

Zim’s screeches of frustration were enough to turn heads and it sent Dib into full belly laughter. “I will turn your insides into sausage for your insolence! I will reduce you back to atoms! Moo-Ping 10 will seem like a vacation when I’m done with you!”

Dib just laughed. “Look, Zim if I’m your Delkutz-”

“Dlektus.”

“-then you’re my friend and that’s that. Got it?” He smiled as gently as possible.

“Stop doing that mouth thing,” Zim replied, glaring. “You know it makes me uncomfortable.”

“Smiling? Never.”

“Yes, stop it!”

“Absolutely not!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

_ *THWAP* _

Dib jumped so high the chair under him groaned when he landed. Across the table, it looked like Zim had reacted similarly. 

Gaz’s backpack sat in between them on the table with the girl herself grinning wickedly from beside it. “Good to see you idiots are back to normal.”

Zim leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. “Well obviously! Dib-stinky would be idiotic not to agree to be my friend.”

“Hey!” Dib kicked him under the table. “I seem to remember you being the one needing convincing.”

The bag was picked up and dropped again, startling both Dib and Zim out of the potential argument they were about to get into. After a moment of staring dully at the purple canvas bag, Dib looked up only to see Zim doing the same. They both glared at each other for a moment before breaking out into quiet laughter.

_ Keep your guard up, _the little voice in the back of Dib’s mind tried to remind him. 

Dib mentally took a stick and tried to beat that thought into the ground. He was done listening to it.

"So, Zim, you said you don't have any more classes for the rest of the day, right?" Dib asked while Gaz slid into the seat beside him this time. He waited until he got a quick nod before continuing. "Well, as my _friend_, I think I've got something I could use your help on then..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! it's been a hot second! I hope everyone has been doing okay. It feels like it's been way longer than 4 months. Hell, it feels like it's been _years_. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that the last chapter when up only a month before social isolation started in my area. Thank you to all the people with well-wishes in the comments of the last chapter! I was certainly going through a rough period starting like mid Jan and am still struggling with it sometimes even now. That said, I tried not to stop writing for too long if I could and among all the other things I've worked on since then, new and old, I've got this for you all!  
I hope you enjoyed it. Tbh I wrote it and then rewrote parts of it again and again. It still feels a little off but I think part of that is that it's been so long that I'm not quite comfortable with their character growth anymore. I'm trying to remember that no matter what this is simply for fun! Even if I'm trying to write a book on my own, this is just for fun. The fact that I've even made it is good enough. So I'm done messing with it (except for small grammar edits I always come back and make those a day or two after posting like a fool)
> 
> In any case, thank you for reading. I'll be back sometime in the future with more! HMU on Tumblr if you'd ever like to chat! Kiss!
> 
> [Tumblr](https://floralb0t.tumblr.com/?) | [ IZ Tumblr](https://invaderb0t.tumblr.com/)


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